Crystal ***** and saline
drifts away like microscopic mind beams
I stand before you
Symbolic and damaged dreams
Chasing cars, bars and lipsticked floosies
in a red light district back alley fling
But, hey
How do I see beyond this chaotic in fluid scene?

My footprints left in wet cement,
Stained with calloused bottoms while wondering in a state of casual descent.
I stopped and stared in the ***** puddles,
seeing my own reflection as it stared back at me with a few ***** secrets and absolutely no regrets

Time stopped on the crooked clock, smiles depleted over broken plates and a saline drip drops
I wonder, I wonder, as heartbeats pounds harder,
But oh how I just ponder. Ponder until the crystal ball  fractures and mentally I flounder.

The theater lights are on, flares of the night beckon my calling
Mystic Gypsies speak in tongue in tents around dampened spirits falling
Tamberines and junkies dance in unison,
Just stop and listen to the balling

Looking through the flowing tears with one last vision and plastic souverniers
I begin to think of simple things, many a far but too many near
The strangers of war start to follow me down the distorted paths of common torture
Only left with a broken crystal ball and saline drops in the distant future

Uncomfortable within this skin.
My joints complain
and muscles scream.

But people say, "It's normal.
It's more common than you think."

My mind in shambles.
Ideas incoherent
and thought processes
sluggish at best.

But people say, "It's normal.
It's more common than you think."

My emotions are in
total disarray.
I'm not happy
yet I'm not anything at all.

But people say, "It's normal.
It's more common than you think."

My insides twisting,
splitting.
Every grain and fibre
set on fire.

But people say, "It's normal.
It's more common than you think."

If this is normal,
I'm petrified with
the prospect of
what isn't.

When I'm alone at night ,
I am not scared to turn off the light
I am not frightened that  easily
That is what I tell myself
I don't glance behind every next moment
I don't jump when I see some shadows
The strange sounds in the background
which echos around
doesn't terrify me
Nor do I look outside the window
Or I hide behind my pillows
There is nothing to fear at night
Nothing at all

Calm down, walking down
Twisted stairs, I fall down
I see the sky as pale as my skin
with convolutions and drowned out confusions.
Acid rain drops fall on me like a water torture device pounding nervously on the side of my porous  head.

I got soaked up in the neighborhood with the angry sinners and no-good winners, beaten up by the losers, users and the black and blue bruisers
These angry streets bullied me into submission and called back promises it couldn't keep
Now it is time to stop walking backwards

I was getting excited.
Waiting nervously, in my little boys mind.
I stood there patiently, a wee bit nervous but patiently.
My knees were starting to shake
My heart beat faster with each step I took
I was getting closer to my ultimate dream

This eight year old boy's dream to ride by myself, on the bumper cars at the county fair.

Every young boy remembers that moment
The moment when we can put the pedal to the metal and see the sparks fly from ceiling of the metal structure, as we slam recklessly into the next car and our heads bounce off the padded steering wheel...oh yes that feeling

The intensity inside me grew by every sinking flash of time.
The Kodak moment I was waiting for
You know that time..that hip hip yoorah moment of finally being independent

I was on the rise to manhood...or so I thought

The line moved as about as slow as molasses in the winter
Ten people in front of me now

Eight.....now six

Four ...now two

I was next...yes, yes, yes ..I finally reached the threshold of my manlihood

The grisly looking ride operator stared at me with bewilderment and confusion

Now is the time that he unlocks that chain...that barrier that holds back my freedom
The rusted links swaying back and forth.

Then err of calm set over me...the time is now
I am about to become a man..
"Stand tall" ..I said to myself

I stood tall on my tip toes, straining ever so slightly, to reach the top of that painted red line just above the cartoon elephant's finger.

That moment, frozen in time!!

The world went blank as the only thing I heard was that grisly, mean looking ride operator say:

"Sorry kid, you are not tall enough to ride this ride, maybe next year."

My cotton candy fell to the ground