Waves of stain glisten
on my rainbow days

Its as if moonbeams danced
around my torrid dreams
and slapped me into next week

Tattooed ****** images
seeking to find some
god forsaken purpose
constantly playing hide and seek
behind my eyes

The trickles down the water pipe,
we dont recognize their underlying sins
that flows beside us

We don't think of mercy.
We think of wrongful morality.
Turning a page of lust,
we become stripped
of our innocence.

Its a life of unexpected metaphors
seeking countless divisions
inside a cave of infinite darkness

My thoughts caressed
twisted views of my past.
Then I start to realize
maybe they were all true.

Pulling the covers over my head,
basting in my own selflessness,
I cowered within
but in peace

Lying down,
wrapped in a simple ribbon
of cloth,
I sigh

This connfusion is a displacement
of my time here.
Thus I become
disenchanted
and unclean.

Not willing to open my eyes
and accept the causes
around me.
The burdens of rapture
surround me.

It is not clear.

Are they ample beginnings
or disasterous ends?
With a small dose of
peppered reality setting in.
I sigh

What holds the ribbon together
is just a simple knot.
A ball of deception
which allows no movement.
Tangled but organized.

A single thread of wool wrapped tight,
so tight it ruptures our core.
Coarsing it count on dismal displays
of solitude and empty hands

It is not our fears that scare us,
it is being bound up
with no casual effect
that makes us surrender
to ourselves.

I stay wrapped in a ribbon.
Eyes covered dark,
Soft and secure.
I take a deep breath.
Then I sigh one last time.

What is therapy
but in a sterile box.

Think about it for a sec..

Crashing on inside
and laughing on the out.

I can hear their voices
from the motionless chair.
A complete stranger
with a blanket stare.

I begin to sink farther
into the couch,
It's a lonely feeling
without a doubt

Anxiety, Bipolar, and Depression
is what they say.
The minutes on the clock
are so far away

Why do I just sit there and stare
and ramble on like
the therapist cares.
Maybe it helps then
Maybe it doesn't.
My hour is up
Now pay the deposit!!

Here we are living in the land of the free,
Divided by contemplation,
Rooted in disinformation
and told what to do by polticians
that thrive in confusion and disassociation

This isn't the land of the free,
it has become the land of corruption,
deception, and disease
Suicides on the rise as well as
crime on the streets.

And don't forget to pay your taxes please!!

What happened to the red, white,
and blue
I don't recognize it anymore,
it feels more like a bruise
When I turn on the TV,
they are just lying on the news.

From the concrete jungles to the
small town slang
When you turn around it is just
bang, bang, bang
Death on every street corner,
Its all the same ole same

What a big effing shame!!!

Oh, you didn't pay your taxes, now you are locked up in chains

Battered, shattered, torched and burned, the lessons from our history
we never did learn.
Look up the flagpole,
the flags' in distress.
Look at each other,
we created this mess

I cascade into riddles
while playing the broken fiddle
Strings bent by my flailing bow,
screeching cat meows
wailing into the still night

But for a second I am forgotten,
closed eyes memories faded but no one is talking,
I reconcile my internal differences
on ketamine and ****,
while sifting through the coke on the mirror.

Hampering visions of self-mistrust,
this place seems all too familiar.
I am guilted into a frenzy of denial and hate,
flaccid feelings designed to rule my mind,
stepping over casualties left in my wake.

The second hand of time
disrupts my calculated and distraught brain,
begging for forgiveness, I am in denial.
Restitution beckons my calling,
trapped in a killing jar all by myself

Where do I turn but to the inside,
feelings drift apart while my heartbeat fades.
Internally drained, stained, and maimed.
It's the useless sense of nothing
that surrounds me

Each night before I lay down,
I swallow four little pills,
two white ones, one yellow one
and one blue one

About fifteen minutes later,
my mind starts to mumble,
Then I stumble into defeat.
Eyes heavy and vision cloudy

My brain is seeking answers,
my fingers start to feel tingly.
The room slowly closes
in on me.

My emotions cease to exist,
tapping slowly on the wall.
I implode with fear
and still I seek no answers

Four little pills
plays dodgeball inside my brain
FOUR LITTLE ******* PILLS
I   I   I   I
I don't know who I am anymore

Cascading down the tunnels,
through damped corridors I go,
It doesn't stop.
Burnt flesh and tempation gone
I left my mind
on a ceramic plate
Then it shatters

Four little pills
disappeared inside of me
No reflection in the mirror to see
I am no longer in your presence
Its time to go

Society's forgotten are covered
in a diluge of lost time
and blue,
with shadows that lurk on broad shoulders
so true.

Their fractured thoughts drift
through the silent city alleyways,
only to be swallowed whole
then they vanish without a whisper

Our eyes turn away
and our minds are turned off
when their haunting voices
ring in the distance,
Shhh listen to the soft echoes slowly fade

With no end in sight,
we seek vengence and violence.
Slammed down with tired thoughts,
laying naked on the black.top,
not a single gaze

Lightning strikes the innocent down,
fracturing the mantle of time,
Struck by the sound
it echos lies and lives
But we leave them to die alone

Someone else will pick up the pieces,
Swept up in the tragedy of life,
It is the fractured souls
that we throw away and
We don't remember them anymore

I am not who I am on the inside.
Thunder clouds and rain storms
contain me on the outside,
my raging vagus nerve is about to twitch
Do you see me anymore?

I'm sitting in a place
where my anxiety and depression
become balled up in a knot
and my own self-gratification dominates
the world around me.

I am right in front of you,
Can you help me?
My darkened shadow cast nightmares behind me
as if
as if nothing else matters at all.

Where am I to go?
Blinded in this sea of madness,
Sealed deep within
my unconscious mind.
I float helplessly
in an ocean of tragic dreams

I am not who I am on the inside,
sifting through these
empty tired days,
I have grown tired,
mentally strained,
physically drained
because I am the one to blame.

The words I saw the other day on the bathroom stall read
"Glorified Prison"

MMMM, Cognitively thinking
to myself.
"This is my life"

In an instant flashback of
bent memories,
I thought about
the year
when
it all happened.
My heart started beating rapidly,
my brain collapsing,
My body drenched in sweat.
I was drowning.
Drowning inside a mental pool
and there was no life ring to save me.

I just stood there,
Mummified to the moment.
My eyes were glazed over as if I had glaucoma trying to stare
through a thick London fog.
Everything was disappearing
in front of me.
I saw it though, in my distant memory,
quickly flashing in front of me, like a shooting star across the sky,
then it was gone.

Gone to a place that I never recognized before.
A place that was out of some sort of bad dream.
That place. That brick house. Pitch black outside.
That kind of bad dream, "the worst kind of nightmare
that you can ever imagine"
and I couldn't wake up from it.
Make it go away!!
Please, Make it go Away!!
I am begging you.
STOP IT!!

His hands suffocating me,
but I could barely feel them
or hardly breathe, none the less.
Breathless in this moment.
I became to numb to my surroundings.
Trapped in my own seclusion
and by my own misdirection.
I was left wondering.

I had no idea what was going on.
Lost inside myself,
with unknown fear,
trapped inside that brick house
of malicious trepidation
and insidious manipulation.
I was being sexually violated
and I didn't know why
nor could I control it.

I was in a poisoned induced
coma of fear.
My mind was twisted
beyond reproach
as he continued his sadistic
and cruel usage of my body.
I was longer a human being,
I was just object for his enjoyment.

Escaping the insanity, I ran!!
Finally free or so I thought.
This mental torture has burdened
me for so long and has taken me down many diluted paths
of mistrust, misguidance
and internal, penalized
grief.
I am became lost unto myself.

I have grown to live inside
this Glorified Prison,
with no release date in site.
The torture that I was subjected to,
will never leave me.
So this prison has become solace.
It has also become my hell.
It is where I put on my shoes
and walk without fear but
it is also where I run away
from things.

Many times I begin to tremble when I think of
that nightmare.
It has become a seeded part of me.
It is who I am.
I am a survivor though.
One day I hope to be released
beyond the walls of this
glorified prison,
so I can finally be free.