A cigarette after ***
  gets old
when it's the only thing
  burning
in your world.

When Netflix feels like
  family,
you wonder where
  everyone went.

******* feels like
  a cry for help--
So help you God.

Missing your home
  is second
to missing who
  you once were.

Eastern philosophy,
Karl Marx, Rawls--
We don't know
  any ******* thing,
really.

Pretending to be more.
Pretending to be smarter
than we really are.

May holes in our sides
let others see
that we're beating, too--
just not as ferociously
or as honestly.

May we vanish
into the darkness
that best suits us.

If the light is our night,
may we follow it.
Follow it...
Follow it...
Rebel from our frame.

May God grant us
to be more
than losers.

The satellites parted, opening as her King stepped down onto the rings of Saturn. They'd meet like this each night, the Love gravitating her spirit towards Him. No telescope nor spaceship could ever come close to witnessing, the beauty of the eye of the beholder. And he beheld her. In the palms of His hands. His presence like oxygen, his tears like the guilt of life weighing down her back. The Stars danced for only her, and the sun only shone to come up and kiss her pale cheeks.    A father does whatever he can to make his little girl happy. But sadly I'm stuck on the earth, lighting my window on fire. Watching as the screen burns out. Thinking of the bruises along my back. A father is suppose to do whatever he can to make his little girl happy. One day I'll break your jaw, so I'll never have to see it clench up again, as you scream your worthlessness into my ears. I wish I was the reason that there was rings on Saturn.

I never thought I stood a chance
But tell me why it hurts so bad
To see her laugh and smile holding another man's hand

I should be elated she found one who makes her feel special  
But that's not the case
And I don't understand

He buys her flowers
Take her out to dance
Makes her feel like she is the queen of the world

Now every time I speak to her she seems so happy
Always talking about the sweet thing he does for her
And I just put on this fake smile pretending I am happy for her

Truth be told I am happy for her
It just feels like a part of me tearing
Like hell's fire is raining down upon me

I never stood chance
But I just never imagined the pain would be this great
Never imagined I'd feel this way

I wish my life was fairytales and rainbows
I wish everything would fall in place like it was meant to
I wish I had the strength to never let her go
To hold her tight in my arms as if we melted into one

But that's just not the way my life goes

No, my life is difficult
Nothing ever goes the way it was meant to
There are no rainbows or tooth fairies in my reality
My dreams are that of war and casualties

I wish I lived in a different world
I wish I could make everyone proud of me
I wish I could walk with pride in my chest
Never letting the worse get a hold of me

But that's just not the way my life goes

In actuality I am weak
On the floor searching for the scrapes of dignity
My chest is flat because all pride has deserted me
The worse is always getting a hold of me

I wish I was strong you see
Flying high in the clouds above me
But like I stated before
That's just not the way my life goes

If I painted a picture of you
I think I’d call it Daniel and his Favorite Cigarette
and I’d delay passing the sugar
because you couldn’t wait four more seconds
for your daughter to finish her story.
I would buy all of the newspapers in town
with the crummy headline Fauster & Brown
Up in Sales for 3rd Week Straight and burn them
all the way through to the sports section
just to watch your favorite team’s numbers
go up in flames. I would rewrite
all those Father’s Day cards, remove the empty seat
in the third row on the left from my poetry reading
that I had reserved, stop putting new batteries
in the remote when you complains. But of course

I won’t. I’ll just make a scene at Sunday brunch
after we finish saying prayers to my dead big brother
at his grave, that dash like a tattoo on my bones—
Yes, Dad, I could have worn a tie
but I like the fact that I still smell like yesterday
cause I know my brother will never know
the scent of tomorrow. I will only curse
between sips of coffee and I’ll stroke my sisters hair
so she knows at least someone has been listening
these past ten years.

flutters by...
        (some) rise a'flitter

    rising airborne
on drafts,
        (by winds, blown
drift , coaxed:
        where known are
teases)

my interest (focused,)
    aloft on wings to drift till ;
expecting the next ,,,


puff.

Pour out the tears
From battered eyes
Into a rusted tin cup
Then forget about me
Because love betrayed
As it always seems to do
Leaving a grieving heart
In mourning, silently beating

It has started
occurring to me
that I rely
too much on my
muses
to give me worth.

We are
too young
and I am
too small
to start giving
bits of myself away
to be stretched and
expanded upon
by others.

I cannot
be restricted
to dependency
or limit myself
to the dead-end
streets
paved by
people with names
I forgot.

I can walk
in whichever direction
I choose
and write words
that I will not
dedicate
to you.

There's no greater love
Than that of a mother and her child
Times that by three
And the maternal instinct goes wild

To not be around what you hold dear
Can tear your world apart
Distance and no hope brings a tear
Ripping out the motherly heart



I miss them, truly deeply madly
They're my whole entire world
I need help to even see them again
One baby boy and two big girls

Their daddy was never truly a father
But now he's just using them to hurt me
Keeping them away, tearing them from my arms
Telling me I HAVE to just sign over custody

I want to fight this, I want to hold them every night
But no lawyer I can find is willing to help for free
I feel so lost, hopeless, like I'll never find a way
So, I'm putting my pride aside and asking for help with my poetry...

http://www.gofundme.com/r5wnpsd5