I am hated.
Have been hated
All of my life.
People sneered,
Laughed,
Whispered,
Frowned,
Glared,
Teased.

Why?

Because I am
Slender.
Because I am
Blonde.
Because I am
Blue eyed.
Because I am
Middle class.
Because I am
White.
Because I am
"Perfect".

But I'm not.
I am no more
Perfect in the eyes
Of this wretched
Society than you
Or anyone else.

Blaming those
Different than
You is cruel,
Even if it is
Out of jealousy.

Jealousy
Ruins,
Breaks,
Destroys.

I have
Never
Said a hurtful
Word towards
Anyone's appearance
Or social status.
Why do so to
Me?

This is the other side
Of oppression.
Of racism.
Of elitism.

Think
Before you
Speak.

My life is not
"Perfect".
Don't bring me
Down
Because you think I'm
Up.

Why hate someone
Because they are what
Society deems
"Acceptable"?

We as a whole
SURPASS
"Acceptable".

There is infinite
Beauty
In each one of our
Differences.

Forget about those
Paper thin
"Models"
Who model nothing
But low self esteem.

It is time to be
Be your own model;
A model for
Generations
To come.

If you take anything
From this
Feverishly construed
Poem, let it be this:

Do not
Assume
One party has it
Easier
Than
You.

There is a little star
Twinkling overhead
I see it from my window
As I lie upon my bed.

There are many others
Who for attention vie
But this one in particular
Lights up my blackened sky.

Some stars, they are white,
Some stars they are blue,
But this star is golden...

... and this poem is for YOU.

♡♥♡♥ + huge hugs
Catherine

I have need of more time with you
So much I want to learn while you are mine
While we are sharing this gift of togetherness
Much of your experience you can bring to me
And there are parts of my world
You have yet to see,

the hunger, the need, to be right by your side
my emotions, my soul, can't seem to hide
my pain, my fear, seems to be fading away
it's probably because I saw your face today
I want, need you to know that I actually exist
I harden, smile, I clench my hands to a fist
I dream, pretend that someday we'll be together
I wanna hear you say that we'll be always and forever
I just hope that you know that I love you, I really do
I'm just hoping that someday you'll say you love me to

Words just lay scattered for long
Strewn all over the mind in pieces
Unable to gather from the corners
In the darkness, they lost relevance
Scattered thoughts waiting to regroup
But the mind had wandered elsewhere
The room locked away and forgotten
Where once the heart and soul resided
Looking for happiness elsewhere
A chance incident was a commotion
And once again looking for safe haven
Standing in front of the locked room
To gather the lost pieces of words
Depraved of attention, they lost weight
Not fed with the feelings and emotion
But once again it was time to gather
The strewn away pieces, neglected
And it was time to align them
With the ink that bled within
The pen was waiting for this moment

January: I watched you slick back your hair when nobody was watching, and smile at the ground as she walked by. I wonder if you do that for every pretty face you see

February: You looked at me today and I don't know if it was on purpose but I thought about you that entire day

March: I want to know you, but I don't think you feel the same. So I'll just sit quietly over here echoing your name, maybe this time you'll listen

April: they told me you said you love me, I don't know if I believe them. You look at me like I'm thousands of miles away when I'm standing right next to you, do you mean to do that?

May: You told me you felt like you've known me for an eternity, is that why it was so easy for you to leave me without warning?

June: you remind me of blood loss, and it looks like you like to hurt, I don't understand you.

July:

August: I still feel your presence in my house but I know you're not there and you never will be.

September: I met someone new today and I think I like him but it might just be because i saw you in his eyes.

October: he told me I'm his everything and I told him I feel the same way

November: he held my hand and whispered sweet lies into my ear, and I pretended they were coming from you.

December: the weather is cold and bitter and it reminds me of how it felt when you left me. Do you remember when you left me? Do you even think of me?

So many feelings comes surging
Breaking all the inhibitions
Every word cocooning those moments
Each of them a luminous sparkle of the soul
Flowing through the veins
Reminding you of the special moments
Waiting to be chronicled as a memoir
Taking up the pen
Connecting your soul with the paper
Every drop of ink carrying your inner world
Drawing a vivid sketch of your feelings
Wholeheartedly soaked in the ambiance
The white paper now colored with memories
Once staring at the blankness
You can see the words dancing to your tune
Pen moves like a magic wand
As you breathe life on the paper
With those precious feelings
Swathing it with your inner luminosity

I want someone to comfort me.
But i want to drive people away.
I want someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be fine.
But I hate it when someone does it to me.
I always said to myself,"pull your **** together ****"
I end up opening my own scars.
Its me,its my fault.
I ruin everything.
Everything fragile,I broke.
Never again will it be the same.
I hate myself for craving for the attention not necessary.
Also,i hate myself for never being good enough.
I know i don't have to be.
But things are easier said than done.
Its always been me who gets to give the last part of my heart.
But never gets to taste what it is to be truly happy.
People are so loved.
I stand isolated in that very corner.
Looking at that very moment.
Seeing the spark,
the light
the ignited passion to love someone.
Who come?
I look everywhere to find my happiness
But I know it isn't anywhere
Its within me.
Somewhere waiting to be triggered.
What if no one comes?
No one ignites me.
Will I ever?
I'm too tired to do anything.
I want to disappear.
No one won't notice.
I know I am loved.
I forget.
I get the feeling that I ruin stuff so precious
I'm not and never will be good enough.

I guess you wouldn't see this everyday
A 43 year old man writing in a diary
But hell what other choice do I have
See a shrink
Talk my problems out

So I'll give you the details
My names Karl 43 yrs old
Divorced 5 times
7 children I barely get to see
Kids mothers think I have manic depression
Judges took my supervised visitation rights away
Because I had a mental breakdown
Ended up in the psych-ward for a month
I'm working three jobs
Little Ceasers, Raising Canes, and a handyman
I'm living in my moms basement
Paying rent out the ***
Even though I'm barely here
You tell me if I've had it rough
My dad drank himself to death
Beating my mother and me
My older brother died during service
My younger sister is a crack fiend
And I've spent more money on her
To stay in rehab than I have on clothes
For both me and my kids
I've been recently cutting
I saw my oldest do it
When I confronted him
He said it relieved the pain
He was right
Still feels wrong
I just wonder when enough is enough
When you finally give up
I've been a devoted Christian
Yet I've never seen the end of it
The constant pain
The endless torture of reality
Hell would be my heaven right now
I have no friends
I don't have a single clue
Where my life went to
But I'm sure it's heading nowhere fast
Thought about ending it
But the picture of me and my kids
Always seems to stop me cold
I just wish I could say I'm sorry
That I wish I could be a better father
A more devoted husband
But how can I do any of that
When the woman I've been with
Only wanted my wallet more than my heart
I don't even remember the smell of cologne
I guess I'm just rambling
But how old do you need to be
To die from a broken heart