Every past flame I've ever had
quickly turned into a raging fire
leaving me burned & scarred.
You are not a flame
but a much needed storm
that soothed the dried up heart
and extinguished any existing flicker.
The calm, cool waters proved therapeutic
to the scorched skin.
You poured until you flooded
you overflowed
and I was overwhelmed
but still
I dove right in
not concerned with whether
I'd sink or swim.
So I submerged myself
into the deepest depths of you
where I would live out
the rest of my days.


*s.mndi

You know the one I'm talking about.
The little stuffed raccoon
with the lipstick on its face
that I don't know where it came from
but maybe it came from me
trying to kiss you
and tell you how much
I miss you.

But it's just a smudge
so maybe you moved away too fast
before I could finish
and you messed everything up.

But it's okay, I'll let to stick around.
At least until it can fade away completely
and leave me with an
"I'm not in your life anymore"


*s.mndi

You changed me.
You made me better.
You gave me back my sanity -
     you became it.
I didn't need drugs to get away. I needed you.
I escaped to you. And felt safe and free again -
but like never before.
I was getting high without coming down
     and I craved it.
I had no more reasons to search for escapes
and I had no more excuses to defend my findings.
I had to quit everything else
and survive on you
because I had let myself become addicted
and I didn't care
I wasn't scared.
I felt sane again
and it was all thanks to
                                  you.


*s.mndi

who was I one year ago?
a sad little drugged up ***
no one taught me anything
I was so desperate, so eager to please
please don't go, stay with me
I'll do what you want, give you anything
everyone took advantage
of my biggest defect
I don't know how to say that word
I'm programmed to talk but not to be heard
I can't stand up
I don't fight back
but if I was Marty McFly
I'd take it all back
I'd save myself
from my biggest heartaches
the worst mistakes
I've ever made
I wouldn't be so troubled now
so negative and bent
maybe I'd be loved right now
if I hadn't hurt all of them
but **** it all
I'll just get high
fly to the moon
and drown in the sky.


*s.mndi

feeding me lines
and I take them with ease
I take as I please
codependent like daddy
can't stand to stand alone
always need somebody
for me to call my own
take care of me
oh baby please
I need I need I need
I fall in love way too fast
becoming too attached
and then I can't seem to grasp
the idea that you could leave
now I'm alone
I can't find where to go
because I've only been taught to follow
to hold on and depend
I just want love and nurturing
I'm sick of all my friends
but somehow I've made it this far
broken, bruised, and left with scars
but I'm still alive and I'm all I need
I'll say goodbye to the broken me
like I said goodbye to you.


*s.mndi

sew my eyes shut
no I don't want to see again
I want to learn to see within
I don't want to see myself
in all my glorious filth
point me to the sun
eyes wide open and run
let my demons out on the way
gotta be clean for judgement day
nobody wants a *****
a home wrecking bore
all she does is take take take
self destructive nature
is the downfall to her fate
you'd think she has no ears
ignoring the bad things that she hears
how can you possibly stay?
get out now, baby, run away
close your eyes and count to three
spin in circles, now you're free
don't go back, they're history
come on, baby, now you're free
run further than the eyes can see


*s.mndi