Final Letter
When you look at me what do you see
Are my eyes like the surface to something as deep as the open sea
Am I a head full of dreams unable to face reality
A writer who turns his demons into a plot
Am I a crazy person crying for help
A suicidal individual trying to find to death?

Am I an empty hollow with nothing left, a shell of my former self
Or was I always empty and kept the façade so we could remain friends
You say I'm going through the motions I wish that’s how you can describe my emotions
Slow death and I still can’t get grasp for why awoken,
Waste of space I tell you lies just to save face
But under surface I am in an abyss
I use to wish my existence wouldn’t be missed
I could disappear
Without care
With no one I love having to shed a tear
Or wish I was still there
Ending it feels like my only escape

Or thats how I use to think before I became selfless
Spread the dream
To taste love and pain
To live long enough to eventually experince it again
To Become Significant Once Again

Since the days of sound
Humans have only known two voices
That of love and the lack of it
That is all we know
Humans will always rebel and humans will always love
For every act of malice, of romance, or may it be of hatred
They all were done due to the love, or absence of love in the heart of a mortal man
​

Before my soul had reach maturity I was told to never give a lover my heart
Thus I never did,
Instead I gave them my heart, my soul, and every fibre of my being
For the one whom I fell in love with was no lover, but a soul a divine
When they wanted the world I gave them the universe itself
I do not regret my decision
I have no remorse
For their love and loyalty made it as easy as drawing breathe
Like royalty they received without question
For they have evolved beyond the definition of lover
They are Nirvana
​

I’m always gravelling at your feet
The rose that I rose from concrete now has no time for me
In my depression there were wild emotions and I had to repress them
Struggling not to fall apart in front you
When I was the only person you could come to
Fear that I would explode and say things just to get at you
However I’m not like that no matter what happened I still be right back
That’s why I’m here now just for some closure
I have seen this scene over and over
In the dark waiting for part two however I feel my whole life is a wasted play if their leading role isn’t you.
Us on pause but not my emotions and honestly I’m going through  the motions trying to figure what did I do to deserve it
Tears down my eyes
As you look at me and me tell lies
Then I tell those lies to a mirror
To myself hoping that my vision of you would be clearer
​

What if I told you a love story without a happy ending
My early demise
What if I told you that love was the most beautiful yet the most fragile flower to behold your mortal eyes
However a rose has its thorns and those thorns drew blood
What if I was elegant and vibrant
What if what I had in store was enough
For that vicious ego of yours
That ego that left scars on my heart
That ego that left tears on my pillow
That ego made me feel like leaping out this very window
What if my face was a mirror, would you finally see
How unfaithful and demeaning you were to me
I gave you my all and kiss the earth you walked upon
Yet you have no love for me in that hollow shell of yours
What if I opened my ears and listened to the truth instead of your lies
Would I still feel this cold emptiness inside?
What if I told you that I wasn’t a damsel in distress yet a vulnerable to the guise
What if I indefinitely closed these dark brown eyes
Would you even remember my name my love?
Would you even cry?
What if you could feel a fraction of the pain and hatred you cause my soul to endure inside
I assure you that you will inevitably die, for that shear agony of all my sleepless nights
What if you hadn’t hurt this lost boy hastening his eventual death
Would he have closed his eyes?
Would the thought of love make him cry?
Would he have died?
Would he be the monster of the night ?
What if he never met her?
Would that lost boy still be alive ?
​

Sometimes this space between us feels infinite
The cold nights of not having your warmth are liken to the cruellest torture
Sometimes I feel so cold so desolate so useless
I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you on the night you were all alone
I'm sorry that my soul took so long to find its home
To your love
To find us
I love everything about you
I accept everything about you
The good, the bad, the sin, the innocence ,
It's like you were the piece of the puzzle I never knew I was missing
The problem was love
I never knew what it truly felt like until I met you
I never knew what it meant to care about someone until you came into existence
I'm scared that this is all a dream
That one day you will up and leave

​

As my body grows cold where does the love and passion go
Just because of my gender I’m criticised for being emotional
So tears in my eyes are just as nonexistent as I
I have been living a lie
Honestly I knew this was my reality however this dove still cries
I was by your side
Through all of the lies

Now I just want to die inside
Close my dark brown eyes
escape from this life
Run away from the lies and chase the wasted time
The beautiful world filled with the delicate soul of a lost boy in a tragic confusion
Searching for something he will never find
Chasing the end of the rainbow with until the end of time
For the rest of his life
What is he trying to find
What goes through his mind
Knowing that it’s just a lie
Chasing the moon and running from the stars
Does he hope to heal the scars on his heart
Is this a search for the one day he can truly say that we’ll never be apart
Where did it all start
When this little persona’s world began to fall apart
What is he running to
What is he running from
Will he ever escape this confusion
Will he ever be done?
​

Blue eyes that are as encompassing as the ocean
Silk skin I wish to peruse and embrace
Skin that my lips lust to kiss
That my tongue lust to taste
The consequences for this adulterous heart I surely will pay
For it will do more than engage in intimate conversations it will manipulate my words
So my bare hands can caress your curves
Like an alcoholic in the bar I’ll never learn
This is not what love is
​

Darkness of a void
Can you feel the whispers
I’m like a memory stuck within a Polaroid picture
Ageing faster than old drunkard sipping on a sweet elixir
Trying to find my way out of this prison of infinite wisdom
The prison that stole my innocence

Gravitate towards the heartbreak
The critic of dismay
I already knew the ending by the first act of the play
The betrayal of desolate lips
As my heart embraced the cold edge of your daggers tip

How does one learn to love when it is the poison bringing him to an early demise
If my eyes were to close indefinitely would you even cry
Would my soul even cross your mind

​

LSD the pontent dream of a beautiful frequency
Expressing my love, my affection for you can not simply fit one terminology, and it would be preposterous to think that it ever will be
I realised that God is a man because women are something of a man's dreams
Divine elegance in a mortal's presence
Constantly evolving
Perfection found in a woman's essence

​

Trying to forget you was incomprehensible
However time passed and the memories began to fade
Emotions that were as vast as the ocean
Are now subtle in comparison
Double down
Depression and Sadness what a deadly concoction

What was once lost is now found in sound thinking
Though I have yet to rest my eyes
Exhausted to the point that I am barely blinking
Yet alone thinking
Thinking of many things, but you are now omitted
​

Frustration, in my nature and how you treat me
Frustration in allowing my past to determine the individual I am to be
Losing my senses feeling numb
To lust , to love
These are defence methods of a broken heart
You did not love me like you promised
you were not fair or honest
So why am I blaming myself for the lost of poison in my blood
The toxicity you gave under the guise of love
Affection correction more like manipulation was the stipulation
Looking foolish
Delusions
So then I lose it;

My grip on reality
However trying to make me reminisce about the intimacy and bliss
You probably think I’m in a sunken place dying to reignite this

Flame
However the pain devoured it
So on the contrary to your ideology
Right now I find you quite annoying
What you have put to the flame cannot return
For fire is absolute, definitive, so I let it burn
No apologies from me you’ll see
This is the reality that came to be
The reality you made, my love that you traded for something temporary
So as the last tear comes from my eyes I hope you know why
For the thought of you made me cry
However these are tears of joy that drip from my eyes
I chose the death of you and what you meant to me rather than to die
My final goodbye
For Freedom is Here
​