Years later

like old

shoes you

will never

wear again.



your covered

in secrets

and cobble

webs that

watercolor

your eyes in

only grey

and black.


and love

no longer

clings

to you,


you fear it

and like

a beaten

fish.


you catch it

and then

without

ceremony

throw

it back.


his arms

are still

all around

you his

mouth wanting

upon your

lips.


but  he

is not

sorry,


he never

loved you.


he only

fantasized about

a moment

and then

the moment

set him

free.


but not

you.


never you,


and you

are left only

with  the brief

taste of

love upon

your lips.

Your turn

my bones

to dust.


without a

thought or

consequence.


and no

matter how

many times

I make

love to

you ,


you always get

up from

our bed

leave.


and days

later I

can still

feel your

teeth

in my

chest

as I

breathe.


and I

fear my

punctured heart

is losing air.


but that

is never a

concern for

you.


only myself

and your

stable of

one night

lovers.


who share

the marks

of the

beast with

me as well.


and the

unholy feeling

that our souls

have been

eaten alive.


and our

eyes have

been

torn out

and hurled

through the

face of

the sun...

She gave so little,


towards the

end of our

relationship.


I felt like a pigeon,


you know the kind

the ones in her

kaleidoscope life

that all

look alike,


all at the park

begging for

scraps.


scraps of

her time,

scraps of

her emotions

scraps of

her life.


it is a

sad reality

to realize your

eating leftovers

from  someone else's

hand,


and that there

is nothing you

can do about it.


the time has run out

your wings have

been clipped,


now it is

just a matter

of time before

the big fat

Chelsea cat

catches you

out in the open


and puts yours

eyes to dead.


but once you

wrote poetry

for her eyes

only,


and you looked

at the moon even

though she

was thousands of  

miles away.


and then

she trapped

you in a park

began feeding

you little pieces

of her heart.


all the while

she was just

fattening you

up for the

big cat's dinner.


the moment right after

her goodbye,


the moment

love

hit you right

between the

eyes.

Empty tombstone

bed my *****

picked clean,


my temper

tested and

left to it's

madness.


the unbalance

thoughts of

your leaving.


holes in

my front shirt

pocket,


where I used

to keep all

my secrets

of you.


the tasty ones,

without equal,


the scent of  you

around me

now feeling

like hell's wrath.


I saw you

with him

last night,


him taking

the place of my

kisses stealing

the flickers of

starlight

from your eyes.


but it

was not

me and

I must

swear that to

oath from

now on,


it will never be

me again.


I am an

old photograph

with nothing to

do in your

heart but fade.


an old song

that will never

be able to

change it's

tune.


and your  love

will never

find me

here again.


with my

pants dropped

down below

my knees.


the newspaper

will still come to

christen my

cobble porch

tomorrow


and in the

afternoon

the trash flies

will come to

be scattered

and picked up

by four,


on this

slow news day.


as my bones

turn to grey

and my heart

can ask for

nothing more.


than to stand

in love's

broken corners

alone.

This morning

while trembling,


holding

your note

you left

on our

bed

in my

hands.


the sun

fell unexpectedly

full somersaults

from the sky.


a fiery

pinwheel

of downward

motion.


a molten

avalanche

of gigantic

proportions.


crashing all

around me,

as I sat

at my

morning table

eating my

Monday ritual

of oatmeal

and buttered

wheat bread

sweet.


abiding to

doctors orders

like a old dog

trying to

be taught

new tricks.


now uncertain

of what

is to

become

of me

without us.


I know only

one thing

for sure.


I would of

loved you

one more

day,



if you

would

of let

me.

What could
of mattered
most to
us is
now lost,

amongst the
paper towns
of your life
and all
of the
tumbleweeds
that leave
rolling
nowhere.

bottom of
the bottle
time to
tell myself

sober up!

about our
relationship,

have a
reckoning
with  the
moon and
stars that
we used
to dance back
and forth
upon every
night.

time to
empty my
tears for
you in this
waste paper
basket next
to my computer.

where sad
poems go
to die.

and now I am
left without
you.

and all of
the diamonds that
you held
in your
eyes.

and your
wet hot
kisses
that seem
to last
forever.

when first
light was
everything,

and naked
was our
flesh as
one.

you know
the ones
you hide
from the
rest of the
world,

some borrowed
some forgotten
some haunting
you for
the rest
of your life.

lovers misplaced
friends let loose
and when
we were young
love was
just a game
of catch and
release..

and what
is to become
of us
the sum of
all lies,

I should
of held
onto you
tighter way
back then,

like that
ride on the
ferris wheel
when tomorrow
was nowhere
insight.

and love
was a triangle
of you me
and once upon
a time.

and now
it has
left us
here.

older not
wiser and
me

blinded by
the light
of loving
you.

Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterwards (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!

                                Big, Biggest Love,

                                               Jeff Gaines

I
am
healing
but I don't want you to take off your shoes in my home yet

I
am
healing
but I'm still afraid of your touch

I
am
healing
but while I'm healing, you're burning like a broken electric wire, and while you burn you bloom

so yes, I am healing
slowly
trembling
feeling numb
but healing