Only the stupid come out of the woodwork and this smart stay deep within.
Book of Murphy chapter 3:30

If you're going to stab a voodoo doll, you might want to make sure it doesn't look like yourself.
Book of Murphy chapter 3:07

If you're going to pull the arrow out, replug the hole with your finger.
Book of Murphy chapter 16:02

If you wish to **** in the wind, you might want to close your mouth.
Book of Murphy chapter 16:03

If thou is going to make friends with the cannibals bring seasoning to trade.
Book of Murphy chapter 13: 05

Only the paranoid will rule the underdark within their little bunkers and the wise will stay within the sun's light.
Book of Murphy chapter 13:04

When standing on Occam's razor thou shall, not try to tip the scales in their favor.
Murphy's laws chapter 13:02

Well that was awkward
and uncalled for.
Book of Murphy's laws chapter 13:01

Murphy's law shelby are shepherd,
we shall not tempt,
for to tempt is stupidity and irony.
Book of Murphy's Laws chapter 13:13

Little Leprechaun I don't want your gold in your little black *** and don't want your wishes with your sketchy after thoughts. I would just like your heartfelt friendship and a little luck.

I look down out of my second story window to see the jam as far as I could spy. It looked like a lake to me, oh what a spot this is turning out to be. The smell of strawberries in the air was the only wonderful thing. For earlier that day I had seen my friend eaten by the strawberry fiend. It reminds me of the blob in a movie I've seen. To my surprise party of little rubber people in a little Glass boat we're coming to save me. Wrapped in trash bags all over their body and up to their heads, they were all sitting in a very large fish tank moving full speed ahead. One yells, we're here to save you my very good friend. Put these bags on and jump right in. As I jumped right in the tank spring a leak. If we don't get out, we're going to feed the **** thing. One of the little rubber people described it me. I helped the Little rubber people back into my window and declared. I guess we wait for rescue my friends. As the building begin to quick and Shake. And that's how a strawberry scented death got me and my friends as a dinner date.

With evil claws and teeth I chew the little wicked knights I slew. They enter one by one, as I burn them down to the ground for fun.
My fiery breath I breathe to melt their shields upon their feet and open my maw to eat my treats, oh what tasty meats.
Bring me more gold my shiny fearless little hunks of meat for I am to be feared the dragon which is revered.
I cannot be slain I will not be tamed for I am the red dragon that is renowned in fame.

Brownies, Bogart's, or Borrowers within my halls,
  pitter patter of small shoes in my dusty walls,
I hear the ranting and mumbling of his voice echoing in my rooms,
The scraping of his small tools fill me with gloom,
the knocking, pounding, and banging at night make my nightmares come to life,
so if i was you, I would plaster and grout every small hole you find about,
for it is not a good thing to have a small being running about your things,
so save your frustrations about the tiny thing and call a exterminator and do the right thing.