Its getting increasingly closer..
We're getting increasingly closer.
Opening up is like moving a dam thats been lodged tightly in place for years.
And what if all you see is rupture underneath?
Sometimes I'm not sure if I have feeling left in the vicinity of this body
so many numbed 'I'm fines' over the years.
But what if someone was really listening?
What if you touched me and my body responded
in the form of a deep set howl?
A wail of tears neither of us are prepared for-
because I've worn my vulnerability on every corner of this face
and I shake, I stutter, when I even muster the courage to allow
syllables leave my mouth.
And too many associated memories..
I try and allow myself to forgive-
myself.

Green Day once sang,
"Sometimes I wish someone out there
would find me"
And right Now
is one of those "Sometimes"
in my life

But no matter
How much I shout
And no matter
How much I scream
I know that nobody
will ever hear or see me
cry

On this empty street
Of my broken dreams
Where not even a single hope
is living

Well...I've gotten used
to walking alone
And it's only sometimes
that i wish I had someone
to walk beside me

Right now my only companion
is my shadow
On this Boulevard
Of Broken dreams...

sometimes you just need someone to
tell you that it's worth it,

that living isn't a game
only played
to lose.

i lost everything in moments
i couldn't count on my fingers
and toes.

all my blessings are coming,
i'm sure,

but i'm so blind
that i don't really see them anymore.

sometimes you're sad for no reason
and people ask you
why?

and you cannot answer.

I am unsure of the nature of my insanity.
I don't know whether I shall overcome this,
or watch my life come crashing down around me.
I don't know where this path will lead.
It winds and it turns and it goes over mountains
and through valleys and even further
down
into caves and I am lost.
I am so utterly lost and beyond rescue.

I hear voices.
The say they want to save me.
They say they care.
I believe them sometimes, but come nightfall
all is lost.
I have never been so shaken, so scared.
I cannot describe this aloneness, this
simple singularity.
I know there are those that would take my madness.
They stand by me, but
I am blind.
I could hear them, but
I am deaf.
I can touch them, but
I am not convinced of reality.

I cannot accept that my life may end in ruin, but
will I really have a choice?
Will my mind just take over my mind and
destroy all I hold dear?
I don't know.

I just don't know.

So, you reading this, remember me please.
As I am now while I haven't been consumed by darkness.
Take these words and savor them.
This is me.
I am not yet insane.



One day I might be.