she passed her day in the sun gone

took up with the clouds in the sky

I guess

one day here I could touch

then just not here the next

where she went I long to know

but my heart went with her

then, and now

There's a tiredness in my bones that runs deeper than my ability to think. I am tired of this life, of living for the others I am driven to love. They are difficult. I am exhausted.

If we could wish ourselves away,
How many stars would be left to shine,
And how many would fade?

Hands turning white, clasped in prayer
Eyes closed tears flow where's her saviour?

Got a bad case of Old Mans Blues
Too young to feel like this, but what's my use?
Pining for a love that will never be mine,
And you wonder why I lie when you ask are you alright?
I'm not alright! I'm not fine! Why do I answer when I'm always lying!
Death defying but don't feel alive! Like something deep down has given up the fight!

I wanna scream! Just let me end
I wish to not exist, no point in pretence
Nothing is okay, everything's just the same
I wish I could fade so that no one, no one knows my name...

Let's burn it all, I'll ignite the fire
Just watch the smoke rise, higher and higher
Suffocate on the these toxic fumes
Skin bubbles and blisters, strained under abuse

It's almost time, can you feel it now?
The monster inside has finally devoured
Licks his lips and gnaws the bones...
Why am I always so cold, and so alone...?

Imagine we could wish ourselves away...
How many stars would be left to shine
And how many like me, would fade away....

There are days
that I have
where I don't
want to face,
chewing,
or doing,
or running
the race.
I just want
to lay here,
head lost
in space,
but reality
comes laughing
reminding me
there's no escape,
so I tell myself
get up,
start moving,
you're being
such a waste.

Illusion drips down from the sky
smeared with the canvas of brightly painted colors
splashed across skyscrapers and the atmosphere,

you can live under pretense
because for some, it's what life is all about
but swing the camera sideways towards your form on the bed
and that is when you can't show your face.

They're surrounding you
placing sparkling shards of sharp diamonds at your feet
you look in all directions
but there's no escape; a wall of society, a wall of people chained together
a wall of your own cowardice trailing from your mind
everywhere you look, you are trapped

you're consuming
delicious airs and mouth watering aspects
of how they think life should be,
and you can feel yourself become heavier each time,
your eyes
are begging for the crystal contacts now in fashion
you're turning the radio up; it's your favorite song

NO stop it--- this isn't you; this is not your kind of happy---

The truth is hard to find
when you're living in a world of where everyone has accepted the lies
they say that you're free
but then you look down and see the chains,

you're as free as you let yourself be
as they, society, (god....) let yourself be
which means
you are not free at all,

and for a while, there was someone special...

---NO---
god, why the hell do you always
need someone to hold you
GROW UP, because there's no one

it's not even exhausting anymore (having to the pretend all the time),
it's integrated into being a part of you
so now you don't know how to let it go anymore
how to find the truth,
yes, the truth will set you free

you can live under pretense
because for some, it's what life is all about
but swing the camera sideways towards your form on the bed
and that is when you can't show your face.

I was thinking about reaching out to the stars, when I suddenly felt this cold grip on me… and all in a rush, it brought me back down to reality. I remember listening to the beating of my own heart, feeling the rushing river of blood flowing through my body; I thought it was a miracle that I lived… even when there were those around me who were begging to die. I looked around and thought that everybody was okay; we were all getting along fine and there were still golden airy days, there was shimmering summer rain and silver moonlit dances… but as I got older, I looked around again and saw that behind all the smiles, the facades, the cheer and good times…  nobody was okay. And I thought that I was okay, but when I looked at myself carefully for the first time I saw my heart was very faint, and my happiness was collapsing and my soul was about to wither away. I thought that I could save myself and everyone else if I calmly took off my mask, and showed them who I really was. But just when I was opening my eyes and reaching out for the stars,  I felt this cold grip on me, and it suddenly brought me back down to reality… where everything was just an illusion that everybody was happy living in. Because I realized all along that I had just been using others as an excuse to reveal the truth, to smile in the pouring rain and let it wash away my sorrows… to let go and soar free. But it turns out that it had been just me all along, and everybody else is fine… just the way they are.

The white Moon makes raindrops into dark crystals
Snaking down the cold windows

Have you ever noticed the whiteness of the rain
As it bounces in passing headlights off the asphalt

As the heavy clouds cover the stars
Blinding us from where we are

Like we could be anywhere
Like a rainy night looking up as droplets slide down the tent's skin

Pattering
Shivering
Thinking

We're nowhere
Huddled under covers
Losing time in the darkness
Lost in an endless dream
As we drift back into sleep

I don't ask for much
a kiss now and then
To be spoken to
with reverence and kindness

My throat is somehow
not speaking its truth
these days
just a succumbing to every
whim but mine

and nothing to show for it
but this lousy t-shirt
that says "life is good"
It can't be that easy
where are the t-shirts
that proclaim the truth

*"Life is good as long as you
don't have a clue about anything.
Life is a conglomerate of
contradictions at which we all should
strive to embody the center of nonduality
for true inner peace."