Somewhere
in a dream
I gaze at sadness
      inside the folds
              of soft suede
     in hues of earth,
in its darkest shades
  and up surges longing,
breaking out
  breaking free
    a catharsis of emotions
rushing stormy
through me
Bursting in my veins,
now a river of tides
    from the swirl
               in my brain
      to the swell
of my thighs
and every inch
            of skin
aches with want
for a lost, ancient treasure
and I wonder
how ties
supposed to bind
were meant
     to be severed
for I am stuck
in this limbo
this dance
        between stars  
as the pain
in the staying
makes room
for new scars
and I'm thinking
that vows made
sometimes need
to be broken
before the soul
dies
in dark silence,
inner
   words
         never
   spoken

i promised myself that i would one day
be happy
as i lay upon the kitchen floor
covered in my own blood

a hand
wedged between my throat
and my next breath

my last thought to myself was
that
if i lived
i would be soft and gentle
no matter what the cost
until my heart no longer beat

i laughed in my head
thinking
that i couldn't play dead
because..
i thought..
what if i was dead already?

so i promised myself..
if i was not dead
this time..
and i did indeed.. live
that i would one day
find love again

i considered it to be a strange thought
to have
as the lights went out

but soon enough
as i hugged myself tight
on our marriage bed
with deep marks upon my skin
and a branding within

i would again
close my eyes
wondering

"I'm sorry to bother you but,
when would be a convenient time to die?"

but my heart wanted something else
and wished of love
instead

so i promised myself
i would be kind
as i felt my feet lift from the ground
and swing above the floor
my back against the wall
held aloft
by my neck

i held my breath
and looked past the face
pressed in anger against mine
for just a glimpse of sunshine
just so i knew
there was another day
out there..
somewhere..

but afterwards
i then promised myself
i would always be honest
and seek the truth

as bitter lies and untruths
were molded into my reality
and i was force fed
every poisonous word

so i listened carefully
to how i had failed
to how i had lied
to how i had become
'oh such a miserable wretch'
and i believed every word
to be so

"Would it be an inconvenience..
if i died now?"

and then after that
i promised myself
that i would always
give my hands in love

as the blood warmed blade
found it's way to my throat
begging to pierce the skin
that was already scarlet
from my nose
my eye
my mouth

and so
the metal branded me
in unseen places
instead

and i thought to myself
no matter how hard i tried
the blood
dripping onto the carpet
would never come out..

and there must be
another way to live..
one that didn't mean
everyday
that i died

so i made promises
to myself
to be less
inconvenient
and more
myself

and then you see..
no matter what i endured
it always came back to.. me
came back to me..

that to stay alive
i would then make a promise
to myself
so i could get through
that day

"Okay so how about now?
if it's not too much trouble..
can I die now?"

so i promised myself
i would be good
i promised myself
that one day
i would have worth
i promised myself
that i one day
i would find myself again
under all of this life
that had fallen on top of me

so i listened to the incessant
little voice in my head
the one that made all the promises
and that chattered happily all day long
and sung me to sleep at night
it told me of hope
and of all the things i could be

and the lower my body fell
the louder her voice became
until she was all that i could hear
she fed my heart courage
and my mind, truth
she gave my spirit hope
and she promised me
very faithfully
that i would
always live
to see this day

we the daughters of sliced sunbeams
and those who chase gales in between
the pasture gates and barbed fences behind
the silo--

who think there's nothing softer than the way
honey sounds drizzled on toast or daisy petals at the supermarket
the women of ferocious silences, standing before
dozens with trimmed smiles and deafening inner beauty

squeezing our fingers down barley stalks and sewing
the roots into our dresses, we've tried six ways to sunday
the rules, the book on being wanted, before realizing that anything
born out of self-indulgence wilts away
all the work we did to grow and plait our hair with vanilla,
dipped in sweet almond oil we had no idea
that pretending
could only get us
so


far.

i find
my heart
does not talk of love
from beyond the clouds

nor does it
speak love
in it's searching
the heavens

it hears no whisper
of love
swimming among
a myriad of stars
outside of the
sky

i find
my heart
seeks love
from within the hearts
of man
and within
the peace of
the earth

that is where
i hear love

that is where
i speak love

for within the
ground
i am home

seeing as clear
as the day
that rises before me
the soul
the spirit
which lay
behind the eyes
of blue
and brown

i.

Mashiach, I beseech thee; sculpt and mold this hardened heart, for thy Glory's part; to be shown
Unto men. I quiver as a
Gun's trigger, mine
Cry's do fly to thee;
As mine wailing
Like life, hast
None end.
Blot out these fleshly lusts,
Taketh away these desires; wherein
Hell consumes me to smoke, mine eyes sunk in from stress, mine clothes cigarette sprayed- by the ashes I've tasted, and the sin's I've engaged. God Yahweh, help me remember thy merciful, tender, loving Way's, forgive me today, cleanse my soul and mine veins of all  carnal destruction. Without thee lord, mine god; I canst not function.

ii.

Creator, maker of all afore and after,
God of the living; Jehovah of the eternal hereafter. Be a guiding lamp to mine dearest Jane's feet, walk with her, talk with her, for she doubt's at times as me. Makest her believe; showest thy warmth, and give her all she need's; as only thou provideth. Thou art ourn daily bread, let us not slip- but ride the clouds instead. Pity O' pity, hath on us lord; ourn bodies art thy vessel's, inside them the love thou doth store. I prayest this as a sinner, a thief, a liar, I prayest as a law-breaker, a deceiver, a shyster. I prayest as a broken man, in need of thy touch. I prayest for me and Jane, for thy mercy again, almighty; almighty, god of love with none end.

©Brandon nagley
©Lonesome poets poetry
©Prophetic poetry
©Earl Jane nagley dedicated( prayer as well for you poetic form)

Today it took me two hours
twelve markers
half a roll of paper towels
and seventeen redos
to fill a whiteboard at my place of work
Today I counted steps
in the sidewalk blocks as I walked
1
1, 2
1, 2
1
only having to backtrack and repeat
twice
Today I stood in the tiny wooden doorway
of my apartment's fire escape
for the entire duration of my cigarette
terrified to step foot on the steel grate
all for fear of the lightning in the distance
because after a brief ocular inspection
I was so certain
that there is no god ****** way this building
is up to code in that regard
Today I couldn't help but wonder
what ever has happened in my life
to once again trigger
these neurotic thought patterns
that plague me from time to time

I was drowning,
I was drowning,
but saved by thoughts of you,

Arms wrapped tight
arms with your mark,
with the bruise where your arms
lingered to hug away my wounds,

And I notice
how you keep me together
when seasons don't
match the weather;
it's spring and yet I
don't know what blooms in me.

I'll think twice
before i sacrifice my breath,
you've taught me flowers
can bloom out of the nicotine
in my lungs, infact;
the darkness can even be **the soil.

Summer skies glow like wine
with the  warmth of the season
in rich hues of burgundy

As the sun sets
the waves of the sea
soak themselves in shades of the sky
to leap like waves of fire
cradling the residual heat
of the last days of summer

The burnished hues at dusk
as if borrowed from autumn
whisper at sunset - the arrival of fall
that summer shall sleep a while to rest
and autumn flaunt her glory
in bronze and golden shadows
above amber eyes
a flaming heart
and pomegranate painted lips
- like a climatic peak of colours
before winter breathes
with white frosted air

One day
summer will wake again
fresh with the scent of blossoms
after the spring rains of life
and the birds will sing
the tune of seasons and time