To be raised in dysfunction is to expect failure.  
It is to expect every mans words to be rough and spiteful spilling from their lips like venom.  
To be raised in a fantasy is to fear ones own reality.
It is to become acquainted to forms of love being shown as slammed doors and drunken slurs.  
Gas lighting women to wonder if one day they will breathe or step the wrong direction
It is to expect everyone who claims that they "love you" to belittle you  to strip you of your identity and your sanity like ***** clothes tainted by the fumes of their words.  
And in the gaslighting, which burned very bright, you would have enough of a glow to paint the roses red.
Perfectly red, everyday they would have to be red.
Because to be raised by you
Means blood, and we are blood.
But that does not mean, I have to bleed, for you.

By Arcassin Burnham


Painful to look at and even haunting like the edge the
Of the world like dying over and over again to
Limit the sick obsession of spending money on
The outrageous supply of coffins,
Caught you coughing,
Is that a sign, no you'll be fine,
Darkness falls and even in the wrong places forgetting
Friendly faces on behalf of betrayal mixed with past events and
A pinch mere resentment to everyone that treated you as such
Meaning the love you had for some would be done,

I could see,
I could see you in a closet,
Crying to yourself like why did I live to dread,
There's no secret,
There's no secret to your worth, unleashing all
Of your hatred to try to boost up my head,
Why do you do,
Why do you do what you do to get what you want
And  that's to take your problems out on me,
I wish,
I wish that you would quit the ignorance and beat
The hell of yourself that you afflicted apon me.

I honestly believe that whenever I am around people
they are silently wishing for me to go away
I look at their faces as I speak and underneath their smiles
I can see that annoyed look that people get
when they desperately want someone to shut up
When I am alone and away from people
I feel like the ones I love are happier and more alive
I think I drain people
I think the sight of me and the sound of my voice
is equivalent to nails on a chalkboard
Sometimes I imagine how much better off the world would be
without me in it
The thought makes me sad
I don't want to die but I am so tired of feeling like I am upsetting everybody in my life
I feel like a loser
a nobody
I can't express how I feel because people either think I am being ridiculous,
looking for attention
or some other kind of *******
I can't help the way that I feel
I get that on the outside looking in I am difficult to understand
I don't understand myself either
I try so hard to love myself but I can't
Sometimes I think I only try to love myself to please others
It's not that I don't want to love myself
I am incapable of doing so
I guess I am just tired
I'm tired of fighting with my mind
I'm tired of fighting with my self esteem
I am tired of giving my all and getting nothing return
I don't want an award or anything magnificent
It would just be nice for someone to tell me that they like having me around
or that they are proud of me for sticking around despite my constant thoughts telling me to go **** myself
I just want my existence to matter
I don't think that's an awful thing to want

will these scars ever heal?
the pounding, deafening
silence rise me from this
grave, this hole I dug alone
to try and stop the lights
from blurring every time
I get too close? Please burn
me so I’ll feel something.
I’m so tired of this
nothing, this gaping void
that demands to be felt.
but I only feel the
darkness sitting at night,
where you once slept.  where you
told me that you would be.
but there is only the
empty air, your absence
forever hanging there.