Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Alive hopefully, facing my fears.

What do you mean hopefully?
I hope I won’t get the idea to end this, truly.

If you’re dead by then, and I am still here,
I’ll go to your grave and **** you, my dear.

That’s the least you’d be entitled to,
After what I would have done to you.

Before you start reading:
None of these messages were ever sent. Niki made them up. Niki is me.
She’s scared of losing a friendship — so she writes instead of speaking.
That way, she never risks an answer.
But maybe, if she writes enough, she won’t forget what it felt like.


Niki
24 May 2025
00:04
age 14

YOU ARE SO PERFECT
not because of respect or intellect
or the one hundred you got on the exam
and it’s not that i don’t give a ****
about those things
but i DO care about how you pull my strings
your voice so soft so gentle
your mind so judgemental
you’ve got everything figured out
will never be too loud
nor too quiet you say what you must
but don’t want everything to be discussed
you know what you want and expect
you know the impact
i wanted to be like you so bad
now that i think about it it’s sad
but you’re a musical in a world of songs you’re not right in a world full of wrongs
you look so stunning so pretty
pretty like stars outside of my city
that’s a weird place for me to draw a line
this city is as much yours as it’s mine
but you would rather see darkness
outside of it while i like the starkness
sure i talk and smile and laugh
but you’re the confident bibliotaph
you’re the only person i show my poetry
i hope you see how special that is to me
now i established all of that
yet still didn’t hint what i’m getting at
something i will never be able to do
is measure or stand up to you
and i grew to accept it  
i LOVE you but it still HURTS a little bit.


Poppy Piume
5 July 2025
19:37
age 15

YOU ARE SO LEFT
steal songs personalities commit theft?
you have opinions engraved in your soul
i came out to you then felt a hole
rainbows on your bags socks and hats
you know “facts” never numbers or stats
i don’t want to fight
you don’t want to admit i’m right
you’re supportive but supported too
in some ways i’m jealous of you
you’ve been doing some healing
sharing what you’re feeling
i hope you’re happy and starstruck
while i am trying not to cry and feel stuck
maybe you can’t see
i hate you making fun of me
for marks i worked hard to get
things i wish i would have said
dreams i want to achieve some day
then i’ll be free from the things you say
the songs we both listen to
expectations set by you
the words you write
i’ll live in darkness without you’re light
but you might repeat “i’m not right, i’m left”
i’ll realise you did commit theft
and i’ll learn to love your art
as i figure out you STOLE MY HEART.


Niki
2 November 2027
23:41
age 16

I AM SORRY
that’s what I’ll say once I know the story
still won’t really know what to do
but might tell you how I felt about you
it will be too late
we’ll convince ourselves it wasn’t fate
you’ll have a lovely girlfriend by that time
I’ll be seeing a guy and my love won’t rhyme.


Poppy Piume
13 December 2030
01:30
age 20

I FEEL BETRAYED
i wish we would have stayed
this wouldn’t be such a ***** up
if we were still in that city but we grew up
you used to hate everything you now are
how did we get this far
from what we used to be
little you would want to unsee
she literally wouldn’t allow
the boyfriend you have got now
the small me would be sad as well
she has so many new stories to tell
but never got over
the way that other girl drove her
mad crazy all *******
YOU taught me this attitude.

Another pointless, quiet fight.
Another message: “Yeah, you’re right”
Another text reading “goodnight”
Typing out “sleep tight”
as my phone screen turns to white.

I don’t turn off the music,
I do start to panic.

Everything reminds me of us,
The way you think I overuse “we” and “us”
turns to one more thing we used to discuss.
The way you tell me not to fuss
taught me minus and minus equals plus.

You never thought I had it right.
But I still hope you sleep tight.