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 Mar 2020
pearl
something he stole
      was very important to me
                but it’s not the kind of thing
that could ever be returned
         this is no game of
   lost and found
       oh, but the thief
                        the thief―
they couldn’t catch him,
            he’s got
               sly talk and
i think he’s part snake
          they couldn’t catch him because
he left no fingerprints
he took everything from me.
 Mar 2020
pearl
****.
are you uncomfortable?
                 tell me
                         do you feel sick?
****.
i will say it
        over and over again
                    each time louder
                                and more angry than the last
****.
repeating, repeating, repeating
                                 until you decide to
                                                    take action
                                                            and stop blaming the victim
****.
does it scare you?
            do something about it
                       scream about how enraged
                                          you are that this is even an issue
 Mar 2020
pearl
i was
    a little lamb
               and you were
                      a wolf in sheep's clothing
and when i trusted you
         you tore off your wool
                 and dug your claws
                                  into my flesh
be wary of the wolf
 Mar 2020
pearl
dog
your filthy hands
           gripped on my jaw,
your grimy fingers
                      forcing my mouth open
                            treated like a dog who won't let go of a shoe
                       defiled
                  ruined
dehumanized
 Mar 2020
pearl
you were so careful not to leave bruises              
you knew exactly what you were doing                            
so careful not to leave a mark but so insistent
on handling me roughly and reducing me to nothing          
you called me such horrible things that day            
“****,” you said                            
“*****,” you said          
despite the fact that you forced            
your grimy hands on me                                
you FORCED me to do EVERYTHING
*******                  
I HATE YOU
i hope you burn in hell. *******
 Mar 2020
pearl
what he did
two or so years ago
it has messed me up
oh, yes it has
i see no worth in my body
i see an object
a doll

i've fetishized my own fear
oh, god i want to fear you
make me afraid, afraid, afraid
because that's how *** is supposed to be
right?
right?
right?
i'm not supposed to like it
i'm supposed to be in pain
right?

i've fetishized my own fear
that stockholm-syndrome feeling
it wraps its hands around my throat
take my breath
i want to black out
i want to black out

am i ok?
am i ok?
am i ok?
my brain has blended lust and fear
they are the same
i have fetishized my fear
i hate you i hate you i hate you
you RUINED ME

— The End —