When i close my eyes,
My dreams start to fly,
My thoughts of you,
Begin to thrive,

I fall asleep,
I begin to weep,
Where are you,
When i need you,

I stay awake,
I feel a wreck,
I feel like putting,
A knife to my neck,

I refuse to cut,
I refuse to cry,
Cuz when i look,
At you in the eye,

I know,
im alright.

Forgive me for seeming a little heldback
But please don't love me so much
At least not now
For i'm afraid i might drown
You see i'm still a beginner when it comes to swimming in the sea of love
I'm still trying to figure out it's depths
So please be a little patient with me
Let me gain a bit of confidence and belief first
And i promise you....in due course of time i will try and reciprocate to the very best of my abilities

We’ve been together 7 years
Blind Faith is all we know
So just like Ruth I speak this truth
Where you go I will go

When struggles made us face our fears
Firm to the winds that blow
That we still elevate our years
With what we reap we sow

I want to live where you live
In harmony and peace
Only you my love to give
Till my last breath will cease

You question love and life
My Dear, you say the bar is low
No need for taking flight
No need to wonder if I’ll go

Much of my past was full
Of change that struck like lightening
Frantic and tense the rule
Unpredictable and frightening

We’ll share more moments together
Even with some push and shove
This sheltering tree I treasure
Basking in our blooming love

I repeat it’s true
With a glad free heart once again
Just to be with you
Is the best place I’ve ever been

Mama, it hurts to breath him in now.*
I think it's the intoxicating smell of all the wrong choices he made following him everywhere he goes.

Mama, it burns whenever I touch him.
He scorches me with his fierce speech, a tongue of fire every time he speaks to me, but with words never truly meant for me.

Mama, it deafens me whenever I hear him.
His voice is raspy from all his problems he tries to smoke away, turning his lungs into ashes with all the bad herbs he puffs away.

Mama, it blinds me whenever I see him.
His sad self wasting precious life away, in the depths of despair.

Mama, I want to cry for him. He hurts so much and I cannot even reach out a hand to help him without poisoning myself with his deadly words. Loving him is excruciatingly painful because he has no love left for me.

Mama, I can't leave him.
Even if he doesn't show it I know if I were to leave he'd suffer tremendously. He's so fragile behind the armored wall he put up against anyone.

Mama, I know you think I'm making a mistake
But I bare with the pain if it can make him okay again.

I'm the only one he lets his walls down for.

Mama,
You ask how? Why?

Well, if he didn't, he wouldn't have asked me to stay longer.

Why?
I guess he needs me as much as I need him.

Ever since we parted ways,
My body didn't know how to feel,
my heart lost beats
Now I'm filled with chills and creeps


When I was alone and broken
You took my hand and I awoken
When the chains of torment wrapped around me-
you deserted me,
in fact-
You could only flee
You were a coward to all
But I pretended you would never let me fall

I should have known better
Three steps from life
I could only clutch to a knife
I bled, needing only you
Shinning nobility-that was you

The cancer of hatred, took hold
Once again I'm alone in this cold
My trust wasted, now dust
I don't think I can be relieved
There's no reason to ever have believed

Thanks to you,
Whenever I spot the rain
I'm reminded of all this pain
This dismantled being-
has no faith
Thank to you,
I've lost all there is to *gain

Each day I ****, on a Whiskey bottle
As my life, also does **** on me
My worth on earth, about as much
As my **** is, to the sea

Inside this swashing jug, a raging sea
Sets me adrift, atop a cresting wave
Then pulls me under to such depths
That my soul, I can no longer save

With each gulp, I stir the bowels
Arouse the sediment and silt
And as it settles, I hope it hides
Or at least, obscures my gilt

Every mouthful, flays my throat
Like waves, they break into the rocks
Smashing, spraying, then dissipating
Where the Devil stands and mocks

I drink until, my mind goes blank
Then plunge into the floor
At last, a drunken blissful peace
Until I wake, once more

So as I lay here, on this deck
Inebriated, dying in this flask
I think of you and what we had
If forgiveness, I could only ask
BOEMS BY JA 614