Nobody fancies the drummer
The lead singer steals all the hearts
There at the front of the stage
In the limelight playing the part

I am the one in the background
Where the spotlight does not shine
Just playing as part of the team
And nobody thinks that I mind

Why on earth would they bother
I am always there trying to please
Around to bail people out
When they are in a tight squeeze

My place is to support and soothe
Iron the differences out
The cog that keeps it all turning
When others scream and shout

Content to take no credit
Even though maybe I should
But I have little confidence
I can not believe I’m that good

Perhaps I learned as a child
That my place was at the back
Not destined for adulation
Or to be leader of the pack

That my opinions were worthless
Others knew much better than me
I buried my hurt deep inside
In a darkness no one could see

But one day the light will find me
Giving my self esteem birth
I will love who I see in the mirror
I will know and celebrate my worth

Nobody fancies the drummer
The lead singer steals all the hearts
There at the front of the stage
In the limelight playing the part

But sometimes it’s worth pausing
To take a much closer look
You may find that a fancy cover
Doesn’t mean you get a great book

Mine became a life of chaos
Lived on the edge of a knife
Balanced for eternity
Caught between death and life

In the end the fear of living
Burned me to the very core
Without my anaesthetic
I knew I could take no more

There was no fight left in me
I had no heart that I could give
I had no way of surviving
It cost me too much to live

Into a well of silence
I breathed a desperate prayer
Uncertain of an answer
Or who might be out there

As I listened in confusion
The solution came to me
Live a life of honesty
The truth could set me free

So I stepped in the future
I discovered my true worth
And after the death of winter
Came spring my season of rebirth

Yes Christmas is coming
There is no escaping that
So please can you put a penny
In the poor old man’s hat

This quiet soul is starving
The government stole his pension
But he worked hard all his life
That never gets a mention

The MPs in Westminster
Drinking their cheap champagne
Vote to strip you of your rights
And make us all slaves again

But lo fear not one and all
For now Brexit will be done
And future generations
Are going to have some fun

We will be taking back control
Oh what a clever ploy
But control is only for the rich
The rest will be destroyed

The Christmas bells they ring out
But their message goes unheard
Please look after the weakest
And please yes feed the world

Outside the snow is falling
And I can’t hear any jingling bells
There is but a bleak midwinter
As our country goes to hell

So if you haven’t got a penny
I hope God will bless you
But if you want your pennies back
Then next time don’t vote blue.

Write something happy they said
Something uplifting and nice
Don’t write about your depression
Was the sum of their advice

Your moods are way too gloomy
Your anxiety is too stark
How can things be that awful
You have to be wide of the mark

Write something less sad they said
No one wants to share your pain
To feel how badly you’re hurting
Just go take some pills again

Don’t talk about all your grief
Your world full of stress and strife
It’s better to count your blessings
And pretend you have a great life

Write something less mad they said
Your chaos will drive us to drink
Nothing is as bad as it seems
Of course your life doesn’t stink

Keep your crazy in your head
We don’t like the way that you think
Write about glitter and unicorns
Clouds that are fluffy and pink

Write something less dark they said
Demons are not your best friends
Now if you keep on like this
You know where it’s going to end

We don’t want to hear your story
Or understand why you feel this way
We only want to listen
When you have something sweet to say

Well my hands are over my ears
I don’t want you talking at me
I’m alone fighting those demons
In a battle you refuse to see

The struggle is never ending
To be who I am meant to be
But one day I will find my truth
And know what it is to be free

I wish that I'd been there for you
Through our lost and lonely years
To care for you to love you
To softly dry your tears

But that was not what happened
I pushed you out of my way
As I burned all my bridges
And let pain take full sway

I ignored the silent question
There was nothing I could say
Who would want to understand
The high price I chose to pay

I couldn't look you in the face
See hurt staring from your eyes
I turned around and ran away
I guess you were not surprised

Hell bent on self destruction
I walked my path all alone
I surrendered to my demons
I knew every hope had gone

What had I left to live for
In a world I could not bear
When I begged aloud to die
I believed that no one cared

And yet you did not desert me
You came and held out your hand
Lead me out into the light
That was not what I had planned

You loved me back to happiness
Taught me what it is to live
To keep heaven in your heart
How much we can forgive

If it takes a thousand lifetimes
I could never make amends
But know I won't stop trying
I will love you till the end

Baby welcome to the world
Greetings cards in pink or blue
Your life is out there waiting
A gift wrapped just for you

Good luck in your endeavours
Whatever they may be
I hope success comes easy
That’s a wish to you from me

Congratulations sweetheart
You made it there so fast
You deserve the very best
Nail your colours to the mast

Will you be my Valentine
Sealed with a loving kiss
Paused on the brink of happiness
A chance that’s too good to miss

Best wishes you’re engaged now
You have fallen deep in love
The world will give you everything
That you have been dreaming of

Joy on this your wedding day
A time for celebration
The promise of a future
With no cause for consternation

Kind thoughts and deep sympathy
Your family lost forlorn
Cards along the mantelpiece
Your time here has come and gone

When you look in the mirror
Which face is it that you see
I’ve lost count of the number
You have presented to me

First of all the sweet charmer
Winning me with honeyed words
Until you used them against me
Wielding venom like a sharp sword

Then the turn of the lover
Who promised me Sun and Moon
Then carelessly betrayed me
My heart won’t heal anytime soon

The victim your next flight of fancy
Some how I’d done you such wrong
I was quite shocked and surprised
Your list of my sins was so long

The cheat, liar, deceiver
Your life an artful pretence
Speaking an insincere sorry
As if that was any defence

A practiced and wolfish smile
That never quite reaches your eyes
The devil is in your detail
A cunning and clever disguise

Well I can tell you who I see
A man who admits no mistake
A talent for self deception
A man forever on the fake

Today I feel so alone
I don’t know what I should do
To stop my life from hurting
My heart is breaking in two

You don’t understand why would you
How rejected some of us feel
We were never in with the in crowd
That isn’t part of our deal

Such smiley happy people
Laughing and having their fun
I’m here dying in the shadows
While they have their day in the sun

Jealous no I don’t think so
More a crushing sense of guilt
Wondering what I did wrong
And why no friendship was built

I made the gestures I could
But I don’t find that easy to do
What seems impossible for me
Seems oh so simple for you

I know we all have our problems
Believe me that I don’t forget
People make their own choices
That’s something I have to accept

But it doesn’t stop it hurting
When you are left out again
Like some rusty old toy
Not brought in from the rain

Why oh why am I crying
Tears from deep down in my soul
I wonder if I will ever feel loved
And will I ever be whole

Maybe it makes me remember
Being a frightened lonely child
Unable to comprehend
Why I couldn’t win her smile

Lost in permanent limbo
No one to soothe or to care
Not knowing how I could live
Or even if I dared

So next time you raise a glass
At some jolly party or do
Check who wasn’t included
They might be needing you

Honestly I've been so good
I've waited I don't know how
I've tried to do what I should
But I simply must have it now

I've waited I don't know how
Please I've been really patient
But I simply must have it now
To stop further discontent

Please I've been really patient
I think I deserve my reward
To stop further discontent
Don't let life be this hard

I think I deserve my reward
Honestly I've been so good
Don't let life be this hard
I've tried to do what I should

Name it princess he said
Anything your heart desires
I will gift it to you
Because your desires
Are my desires
I am yours to command
If you want strawberries in winter
Plump with spring rain
Blushing with summer sun
Spilling out sweet juice
They are yours
If you want crisp cool ice
Jagged edges melting smooth
Droplets spiking warm skin
In the summer heat
It is yours all yours
I will pluck the moon
From the dark midnight
So you may bathe
In its reverent glow
And scatter a carpet
Of stars at your feet
So that their light
May worship you as I do
In all your resplendent glory
Goddess of the night
I will kneel before you
My only aim to please you
He whispers it to her
In honeyed tones golden and sweet
Pouring out seductive persuasion
I will gift it to you
Anything your heart desires
Name it princess he said

I desire to be loved she said
Loved beyond measure and imagining
Never to be abandoned or betrayed
Make me your goddess
Put me on the highest of pedestals
So high only you can reach
For I am yours alone
Fetch me the world
And spread it before me
Let the feast of adoration begin
Squander every moment
To ensure my happiness
To ensure my security
Fix me she begged
And I will fix you in return
Every broken piece of us
Will be gathered together
And mended with pure gold
So much more now
Than it ever was
I will bend myself into any shape
If that is your wish
Your happiness is my happiness
Colour my reality with a rainbow
So it is no longer beige
Dull and unfulfilling
Thrill me and enthrall me
Ride the rollercoaster of excitement
Imprison me in exhilaration
So that I never feel lonely again
Reassure me constantly that I am
Never to be abandoned or betrayed
Loved beyond measure and imagining
I desire to be loved she said

The world of codependence
A fantasy land of unboundaried desire
She the prey he the hunter
She vulnerable a victim of self deceit
He attuned to the vulnerability
Faking a future that will never be
And so infinitely plausible to her
Until the day she realises
She has been betrayed
It was nothing but a cruel sham
A cunning construct
To imprison her in her desires
His poison seeps into her bones
Stealing away her peace
Her head a battleground for her instincts
Where her fear and rage run wild
Anger blazes deep within her
White hot showering sparks
Reaching into corners
That are better left in darkness
Thinking thoughts she never knew
She could begin to shape
Driving her to places from
Which escape did not seem possible
Destroying her fragile sanity
Destroying who she thought she was
Until the day she cried enough
I am not a victim I am not your prey
This toxic desire is not for me
I need healthy boundaries
I reject the world of codependence
I do not fear being alone
I will find my happiness within
I am always enough

I’ve learned to dance in the rain
To embrace each drop as it falls
Glistening in teardrop perfection
Caressing the windows and walls

I allow my child free rein
As I splash in puddles with glee
Nothing left that holds me back
I am running wild and free

Lightening rips across the sky
Crackling and spitting bright sparks
Silver and gold in confusion
No corner is kept in the dark

The drum beat on the slate rooftops
Echoes the rhythm of my heart
Present only in this moment
I wait for the thunder to start

Once I would have danced all alone
Coveting each inch of my space
But today through the downpour
I catch a brief glimpse of your face

A sudden stillness surrounds me
I have found my eye of the storm
Love weathers the darkness united
Dancing together until dawn

Who is that girl in the mirror
The one in the bright red dress
Her mouth says hi I'm feeling fine
Her eyes say my life is a mess

Is it her lipstick that's crooked
Or is it the way that she thinks
There's a world of hurt in her heart
And maybe that's why she drinks

Quickly she picks up her glass
Here's to a night on the town
She puts on her best party smile
Finds where she put her bag down

She will go out for the evening
Have fun with friends for a while
Hiding her pain a bottle
Moping just isn't her style

Maybe some guy will please her
Chase dark thoughts from her head
And she will wake up tomorrow
With some stranger there in her bed

Or maybe she'll fall home alone
Pour herself back through the door
Not hear the voice calling mummy
As she lies in a heap on the floor

She will cry tears in the morning
A sea of self pity and shame
Life has spun out of control
And in no way is SHE to blame

She walks a fine line at the office
A finer one with the school
How many times can she do it
How long can she break every rule

Why did her partner leave her
When they'd been together so long
How could that be her fault
When she had done nothing wrong

She has lost friends and lovers
Each parting cuts like a knife
And now her mother is dying
She simply can't deal with her life

How did it get this crazy
Why can't she just get things right
Why is she haunted by demons
That keep her awake through the night

She still looks for an answer
To a prayer she cannot yet say
She walks so scared and alone
Pushing hope out of her way

She has to find her surrender
To be at that all time low
Where her life cannot be managed
And she truly admits this is so

I pray she holds out her hand
Before chaos breaks her apart
I pray she finds her solution
And true peace reigns in her heart

In a winter long ago
A bright star lit up sky
Only a few took notice
Most just walked on by

Minds full of all their worries
Hearts that beat sad and slow
The Lord looked down with kindness
When He sent His son below

There was no choir of angels
He came without any fuss
But a weight of expectation
His destiny to save all of us

He bore His fate so bravely
He suffered in great pain
Which of us remembers that
As December comes again

Do we pay mind to His message
To live a good life in peace
To love and cherish each other
At one with the Earth and seas

Or do we ignore the gift
Of that first Christmas morn
Forgetting that to save our souls
A holy child was born

The child hides alone in her room
All snuggled safe and warm
Duvet pulled tight around her
She won’t come to any harm

Quickly as the daytime fades
Her eyes dart around the room
Each corner checked for shadows
That might be lurking in the gloom

At first she spies her bookshelf
Her books are treasured friends
Holding the key to her escape
To a place where heartache ends

The wardrobe tall and wooden
Stands next to the window seat
Where she sits in the moonlight
Tuned in to her heart beat

Often she will shed a tear
For a pain she can’t understand
She will never ask for help
There is no one to take her hand

Blinds are closed now door is shut
She won’t let the outside in
The outside makes her anxious
That’s where her problems begin

The world beyond is hostile
Every sense is on alert
To guard against her nightmare
The fear of getting hurt

This room is her sanctuary
It’s her safest place to be
A haven from all her troubles
The one place she can feel free

The adult she has become
Still needs a place she can hide
A place of calm and comfort
A retreat from what’s outside

A place to bathe in moonlight
That shines down in silver streams
The moon guards all her secrets
As she wanders in her dreams

Hey you there you’re supposed to care
Sign my petition donate to my cause
How can you ignore the plight of the innocent
You have so much to be grateful for
You must feed all the starving
You must clothe all the poor
You must heal all the sick
You must fight for peace in war torn lands
You must save our plant
This is your moral imperative
Act always for the common good
Feel the weight of your good fortune
Carry the boulder of received guilt
On shoulders already bowed and bent
How dare you talk of your own needs
When you already have so much

Headline news! Headline news!
‘Social media trolls greet the death
Of unvaccinated people with jubilant celebration, as if they themselves never made
A bad judgment call.’
Says it all about the sick world we live in.
May all the departed rest in peace’
How did it come to this
How did we reach compassion overwhelm
When did caring become an expectation
A denial of individual freedom
A denial of the suffering of some
Because it is not the right suffering
I want to care I really do
I love our beautiful world and her people
But I am powerless to save them all

In the end we all live in pain
It comes in all shapes and sizes
So don’t cry for me and I won’t cry for you
Love me and I will love you back
With simple acts of kindness
We will find a way to endure
We will go on on with our lives
We will heal and grow stronger

You stand at an open door
Your future is yours to own
The path to it is yours to walk
But you will never be alone

When you were a tiny baby
I held you safe in my arms
It was easy to protect you
From all life’s ills and harms

Back then you were my world
So precious and so small
Now look at you all grown up
In what seems no time at all

You have listened carefully
To the things I had to say
You’ve learned how to laugh and love
And live life your own way

Know I could not be prouder
For you mean the world to me
But it’s time for me to let you go
Time for me to set you free

If you ever doubt you’re loved
Know this one thing is true
As you step into your future
You will take my heart with you

Don’t you dare cross the line
What line see here this line
I am warning you nicely
Crossing it isn’t fine

Don’t you take a step further
You are getting far too close
Any more movement this way
You’ll be treading on my toes

Don’t you take any more inches
That suddenly turn into miles
That makes me uncomfortable
My face has lost all its smiles

Don’t you breach the boundary
Or knock a hole in the wall
I built it up for a reason
It’s solid it won’t fall

Don’t you dare cross the line
The one I’ve drawn right here
If you stay on your side
I’ll have nothing to fear

Don’t you take a step further
Move back go on move back
Don’t you get any nearer
I feel like I’m under attack

Don’t you take any more inches
That I am unwilling to give
I will be always unhappy
And that is no way to live

Don’t you breach the boundary
The one I so carefully set
Keeping right back from the edge
I think is my safest bet

Oh dear you crossed the line
That movement was very slick
Well I’ll redraw the boundary
A well learned coping trick

My coffee is growing cold
My meal remains uneaten
My life is falling apart
I know now that I’m beaten

The television hisses
Like me it can’t find a station
Lost on the path of despair
Cut off from a destination

Darkness a cloak of silence
Stifling every sensation
I’m numbed and without purpose
In a world of deprivation

And yet I still hear voices
They scream my desperation
Why is no one listening
Can’t you feel my frustration

My gaze rests on the bottle
Unopened beside my plate
A small but chilling reminder
I’m not in control of my fate

My eyes overflow with tears
The letters dance on the label
I wrestle off the ***** top
And slam it down on the table

My heart begs for an ending
My head for a new beginning
Tossing a coin heads or tails
Life or death which is winning

The rattling spill of pills
The promise of my release
Each a little white miracle
The magical wand of peace

To sleep without the dreaming
To never feel any more pain
Ah such a sweet seduction
Filters its way into my brain

Have I the courage to choose
To stay here another night
Broken into tiny pieces
Or walk away from this fight

The decision is mine to make
I’m not sure that I know how
Outside the dawn is breaking
Today I am alive for now

I thought that I was happy
In the summer of my youth
I had many years of living
Before I could learn my truth

I danced in silent splendour
To expectation's tune
Thinking that I had freedom
And success was coming soon

Hopes I had in plenty
No thought that I could fail
I walked tall and bravely
Along my chosen trail

The sun shone bright upon me
I basked in its light and heat
Growing ever bolder with
No knowledge of defeat

I felt I knew life's fortune
That I'd always play and win
Holding on to my aces
Was that really such a sin

My golden halo shining
Secure in my self belief
Before desperation took it
Sneaked upon me like a thief

Here the blank sheet of paper
Stubbornly it remains empty
Pristine slightly off white lined
Waiting for a word or twenty

White the shade of nothingness
Can not pique my interest
If it wanted to entice
It has surely failed the test

Perhaps if it were softly blue
And with pretty flowers edged
From my lazy hazy head
A few lines might be dredged

Possibly a shade of pink
Suits my mood a little better
Tempting thoughts out of my head
But I can’t form a single letter

All the colours of the rainbow
Could explode before my eyes
Still my pen will lie untouched
No poem will be my prize

Yet many ideas are swirling
Desperate to be expressed
Jostling for my attention
Each one claiming they’re the best

I can sense letters fighting
Tumultuous in their rage
Waiting for me to unfurl
Their shapes across the page

Spiky harsh consonants
With soft round vowels vying
To turn into this poets words
Write me first they are crying

All at once I seek some order
My mind must be organised
But each time I succeed in this
I still find myself surprised

The dance of inspiration
Draws with a flourish to its end
One idea has crystallised
And this poet grasps her pen

Once upon a legend
On a day that time forgot
I felt my heart cease beating
And I knew the world had stopped

No wind stirred in the treetops
No more sweet flowers growing
No waves upon the oceans
The rivers were not flowing

The moon lost in the heavens
No place for her to go
Forever left in darkness
No light for the world below

Dawn is never coming here
No new day is being born
The sun will not be rising
Night will not turn into morn

Caught in a painful silence
All earthly life is stilled
The source of this disaster
Is a promise unfulfilled

The promise that you made me
The cruel game you played
The dark truth echoes bleakly
In the heart that you betrayed

See me lie here quietly
The grass cool beneath my back
Watching clouds chased by the breeze
The sun peeping through the cracks

The shafts of sunshine shifting
In patterns of dark and light
Highlighting a world in contrast
One moment black the next so bright

Rays land on petals and leaves
Bright splashes of joyous colour
Spread out on a carpet of green
Waiting to be discovered

The tree that spreads its branches
Softens the sting of the wind
That still has an icy tang
But speaks to the fire within

I hear the river waters
A cascade’s glory unfolds
Flowing across the dark rocks
I feel it call to my soul

Constantly changing and spinning
I find the shapes in the sky
I yearn to join their dances
Before the chance passes me by

I look at their once white faces
Turning quickly to grey and black
I know a storm is coming  
I await its fierce attack

A raindrop trickles down my cheek
A sign there are more to fall
I tilt both my palms upward
Maybe I can catch them all

Strips of burnished lightening
Flash their way across the sky
Thunder grumbles loudly
I wish my heart could fly

There is beauty in the tempest
A wild symphony unchained
I embrace every sweet moment
And dance with joy in the rain

Autumn handmaid of summer
Clinging greedily to its green
Unwilling to let go of life
It vies with gold to be seen

Leaves glowing richly in sun
Changing slowly russet red
Or glorious butter yellow
Their beauty turns my head

A soft breeze stirs in the trees
Gently coaxing their wealth away
But there is a reluctance
To let the season have full sway

A carpet of their fallen bounty
Lies strewn here beneath my feet
And now the wind grows wilder
Drowning nature’s last heartbeat

Autumn herald of winter
A ghost in the evening mist
Abandoned and forever lost
Like a lover never kissed

Life is measured in moments
In every breath that I take
The choices and decisions
That I find so tough to make

The fear that will hold me back
And keep me stuck in one place
Because I know deep inside me
There’s a future too hard to face

The fear of leaving childhood
And entering an adult world
Behind me lies the playtime
Of being a little girl

The fear of expectation
To meet predestined goals
To dance to another’s tune
Knowing that it kills my soul

The fear of giving up my dreams
Of the person I could become
All stifled with these few words
I know best because I’m your mum

Knowing when to say goodbye
To accept that things must change
Nothing stays the same forever
To admit that feels so strange

Life is measured in heartbeats
In every step that I take
A sure and certain knowledge
That I will make more mistakes

The fear of having to move on
Of the demons I must fight
The struggle for serenity
That keeps me awake at night

The fear of having to let you go
Though I know that it is time
The painful understanding
You weren’t meant to be mine

The fear of feeling lonely
When my children have all gone
The nest is quiet and empty
It no longer seems like home

The fear of a loved one’s passing
That our ending will come soon
I sit here in the darkness
My heart crying out to the moon

Knowing when to say goodbye
To accept it’s time to part
The hardest lesson of life
How to heal a broken heart

I am the girl in the corner
The one you simply don’t see
Years of perfected camouflage
So you will never notice me

I don’t make any ripples
Wouldn’t dare step out of line
Nobody can hear my voice
I hope that they will sometime

I live in a world of fear
I’m not sure why I’m afraid
I have found inside my head
The place where nightmares are made

A place buried deep within
Filled full of darkness and dread
Breaching the edge of reason
And icy cold like the dead

Visions writhing and ghostly
Fleeting outside of my grasp
Yet returning to haunt me
I breathe pain in a silent gasp

I want to be comfortably numb
All the way down to my core
Not to feel all this heartache
Not to know hurt anymore

Pills and ***** can’t save me
Why can’t you hear when I scream
Desperate depressed and lost
In a land of broken dreams

The Ice Queen seated on a throne of iron
Surveys her vast frozen world
The ashes and bones of lost loves
Strewn beneath her ****** feet
Her hands are still her heart stiller
Pierced by the shards of her pain

The bleak wasteland of her now
Dotted with glittering icebergs
That stand blocking her way
Too slippery to climb over
Too big to skirt the edges
Escape becomes a distant dream

The nightmare is unravelling
Her only path is pitted with tiny fissures
Down which her self esteem
Gradually vanishes dissolving into mist
The mist spews silently upward
Cloaking all hope in despair

She sees through eyes of granite
Cold hard devoid of emotion
Tears if she had any left
Form tiny silvered droplets of fear
Unmoving on her pale cheeks
Reminding her of her past

Alone she sits splendidly isolated
Walled off from all the others
Each heavy brick in that wall
Crafted from every hurt experienced
Cemented together with her agony
The burden of her years of mistakes
Mistakes made honestly without malice

The price of trusting too easily
Of the urge to rescue others
Of the urge to please and to be loved
Of bending herself out of shape
To become the square peg
In the empty round hole

Her passion for love and living
Sacrificed long ago at the altar of betrayal
She pays for her passion every day
With the coins of regret and self loathing

This was going to be my summer
The one when I learned to drive
Instead of my independence
I’m praying in fear for my life

This was going to be my summer
When exams were over and done
I was going to celebrate
With my friends and have loads of fun

This was going to be my summer
I was going to start my first job
My new beginning is cancelled
And I feel as if I’ve been robbed

This was going to be my summer
The one when I bought my first home
Now my plan is on hold
I feel so scared and alone  

This was going to be my summer
The one when I married my mate
We wanted a life together
Who knows how long we will wait

This was going to be my summer
To holiday with those I most love
But now I can’t leave my house
Unless I wear a mask and gloves

We have lost the warmth of summer
Its beauty is sad and remote
It’s only a slim consolation
Everyone is in the same boat

For now we are all locked down
Unless the work we do is key
We are trapped in prisons of comfort
Forgetting what it is to be free

We all miss friends and family
The joy they bring to our lives
We pray they are well and happy
That at the end they survive

We all live with shattered dreams
We struggle and feel we can’t cope
We dared to open Pandora’s box
Thank God we also found hope

I'm slipping between the cracks
I'm slowly losing the plot
Lost on an unknown highway
In a mind that time forgot

The light has died inside me
It is winter in my soul
Nothing moving nothing living
In a bleak eternal cold

The world inside is lonely
The world outside is tough
Where is help when you need it
I have simply had enough

Only my thoughts for company
As they race around my head
A million shards of heartache
I think I'd be better off dead

I wait in bitter silence
For a message I can't hear
Only empty echoes of
A long forgotten fear

I don't know I got here
And I've stopped asking why
It's too hard to go on living
But I'm too scared to die

Held in these grey granite stones
Are the stories of ancient hearts
Their sorrows loves and joys
Their endings and new starts

The babies that were born here
Held in parents loving arms
Wanted nurtured cherished
Kept safe from all life’s harms

Children that grew tall and strong
Who learned what it means to live
Embraced each present moment
And took all that life could give

They found out hearts get broken
That love is often fleeting
But that God sends healing
When life deals you a beating

Nothing is without meaning
To everything a season
Age brings calm and wisdom
An acceptance of God’s reason

Many years have come and gone
What tales these four walls could tell
Of those that have passed through here
And the lives they lived so well

Why did I give you my trust
Why did you take it from me
I paid a very dear price
For the gift you got for free

You came in the clothes of a sheep
A deceptively clever disguise
Crafted with cunning and guile
The wolf underneath a surprise

Yes to my face you were kind
You wore the mask of a friend
I thought you cared about me
But no it was all pretend

Just like a vile spitting cat
That hurts without using claws
You spewed poison and hate
About me behind closed doors

Who knows what went through your head
When you were concocting your lies
I was never a threat to you
It hurts to see me through your eyes

Why do you feel no guilt
For all the pain that you caused
Nothing in your behaviour
Seems to have made you pause

I did not deserve your hate
All I wanted was a quiet life
To find joy and fulfilment
Not this bitterness and strife

In this world you are a hunter
Always seeking out fresh prey
Toxic right down to the core
All goodness eaten away

Be careful how you go now
And listen to what I say
Maybe change that behaviour
Before everyone walks away

Under her feet the autumn leaves
Crunch brittle and lifeless
Their majesty of russet and gold
Trampled into the soggy clay

The trees now stripped and sorrowful
Reach their branches skyward
In resentful supplication desperate
To recover their lost glory

The drizzle a fine haze over the hills
Slowly seeps into the bones of her
Leaving a damp sheen on her hair
That catches the radiance of the moon

Soft waves of mist roll across the track
Pooling around her ankles
In an eerie dance smooth and subtle
Moving in rhythm with her footsteps

Shadows join the mournful swirl
Cast blackly along her path
Streaks of bleak darkness
Created suddenly by the moonlight

The wind ruffles through her hair
Whispering words of encouragement
Almost as if it would comfort her
Give some solace to her soul

The harvest moon hangs huge and ******
Against the distant horizon
Guardian of the traveller
On her solitary nighttime quest

She trudges along the trail
No thought of glancing behind her
Willingly following where it leads
Through the wood and up into the hills

On the hilltop she stands in the silence
Gazing upwards to the star filled heavens
Her heart is full of wonder
She dare not disturb the woodland spirits

And yet in that heart there is a wish
A wish that remains unspoken
But she prays to the moon and stars
To the forest nymphs that it be granted

She bows her head in gratitude
As the wind caresses her skin
Her heart is joyful in this timeless moment
Knowing that her message has been heard

You are so beautiful you break my heart
Your eyes hold the secrets of the universe
Your hair glints with stolen rays of sunshine
Your arms strong and safe are my harbour

Soft and gentle your breath in the air
Caught there momentarily frozen
Before I draw it deep inside of me
Capturing that essence for my own

You go through your life with grace
Each movement a sweet tuneful note
Some short some long every one in time
A symphony created in life's rhythms

On your face my fingers trace my love
Leaving no mark there to be seen
But I know that each tiny caress
Will write my thoughts on your soul

There is no beginning there is no end
How can there be we are timeless
Taken out of the maelstrom of the world
To dwell forever in each other's hearts

Today I am leaving this place
I say goodbye to my pain
Good riddance to all the heartbreak
You will not hurt me again

You used me and abused me
Made me feel lost and small
I’d hide like a frightened child
Now I stand proud and talL

I am never coming back
I pick up my case from the floor
I put on my coat and boots
Then I walk out of the door

I hesitate on the door step
In my hand a silver key
I push it through the letter box
In that second I feel free

The taxi cab is waiting
The driver is patient and kind
As I pause to remember
Just what I am leaving behind

I don’t need your gilded cage
I don’t need your money or stuff
Without love and compassion
Even the world is not enough

I grieve though for our ending
And yes I shed some tears
It was good in the beginning
In those our golden years

It didn’t happen overnight
It took time for the light to dawn
Gradually I understood it
Was time for me to move on

We were both simply too flawed
Nothing so damaged can last
I believe in my new beginning
And put you deep in my past

I turn around and walk away
I feel raindrops soft on my face
Washing out the sadness
Today I am leaving this place

I've been bent I've been broken
I've been shaken to the core
I have suffered torment
Until I could take no more

I have screamed out in anger
How could life be so unfair
When I needed comfort
I could find no one who cared

I have cried many bitter tears
Regretted mistakes I made
All the hurt and misery
What a heavy price I paid

I have felt empty inside me
Despairing and chilled to the bone
Cut off from humanity
Surrounded but all alone

I have lain down in darkness
Seeking an end to my pain
Only to wake in horror
When morning came round again

I have crossed the edge of reason
Where only madness waits
On an path of self destruction
That lead slowly to hell's gates

I have walked through the fire
Let the flames consume my strife
I have risen from the ashes
And stepped into a new life

Rich as precious rubies are
The reds of the autumn leaves
Dancing in the kindly breeze
Not yet fallen from the trees

Flaming orange bright as a flame
Burning proudly in the sun
Burnished copper and polished bronze
The new season has begun

Still I see some gorgeous green
The mantle of summer lingers
The light caresses their beauty
With the touch of a lover’s fingers

Yellow as butter fresh from churn
Warm tones of shining gold
Basking in the afternoon heat
As the year grows gently old

I will cherish all the hours
The joy of this autumn day
I will celebrate my harvest
Before the glory turns to grey

Untethered

Today I don’t feel like talking
Go away and leave me alone
Don’t even think about calling me
I will refuse to answer the phone

Please don’t make any demands
I find it so hard to say no
It breaks me up if I can’t please
I need the approval to show

People can be so exhausting
Their clamouring I can’t bear
They drain my social battery
And I have no energy to spare

My front door is locked and bolted
The rest of the world can’t get in
I can’t deal with all of the chaos
It puts my head into a spin

No one to question my actions
No one to give unwanted advice
A wall to keep out all emotion
Why would I even think twice

In this agony of silence
I have lost the power of speech
Disconnected from humanity
All help is beyond my reach

I am lost inside my own mind
My only guide is my self doubt
This maze has become my prison
The exit is not my way out

Untethered from your reality
Now I am drowning not waving
Voices screaming inside my head
They tell me I’m not worth saving

And yet deep down in my core
Hides a desperate need to survive
If only I had some strength left
Maybe I’d fight to stay alive

Today I don’t feel like talking
Go away and leave me alone
Don’t even think about calling me
I will refuse to answer the phone

Please don’t make any demands
I find it so hard to say no
It breaks me up if I can’t please
I need the approval to show

People can be so exhausting
Their clamouring I can’t bear
They drain my social battery
And I have no energy to spare

My front door is locked and bolted
The rest of the world can’t get in
I can’t deal with all of the chaos
It puts my head into a spin

No one to question my actions
No one to give unwanted advice
A wall to keep out all emotion
Why would I even think twice

In this agony of silence
I have lost the power of speech
Disconnected from humanity
All help is beyond my reach

I am lost inside my own mind
My only guide is my self doubt
This maze has become my prison
The exit is not my way out

Untethered from your reality
Now I am drowning not waving
Voices screaming inside my head
They tell me I’m not worth saving

And yet deep down in my core
Hides a desperate need to survive
If only I had some strength left
Maybe I’d fight to stay alive

White walls empty walls pure white
Such an infinite blank canvas
Enriched with expectation
Of all that may come to pass

White walls empty walls pure white
A life unlived a life unwritten
In the time of innocence
Before life's hurt has bitten

White walls empty walls pure white
A face unlined a heart unbroken
A heartbeat dancing with joy
The fatal lie still unspoken

White walls empty walls pure white
A hand untouched a hurt undefined
Everything left to play for
No need yet to hit rewind

White walls empty walls pure white
Fingers unburnt tempted by fire
Scorched seared and blackened
A soul emptied of desire

White walls empty walls pure white
A mind in prison a mind in chains
Lost without an exit sign
In a land where chaos reigns

White walls empty walls pure white
Boundaries of a life unloved
Scarred with the marks of torment
But those walls have never moved