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Jan 2019 · 4.5k
Overthinking
Overthinking is toxic
A torturous endeavor
To find all the pieces
That will solve the puzzle.

"What's wrong with you?"
I try to control my thoughts
Talk myself off the ledge
Convince myself it's unreasonable.

It's not rationale
Not based in facts
Because the facts are missing
Gaps in a story not communicated.

What cures overthinking?
Communication
Transparency
Honesty
Trust.

"What's wrong with me?"
Nothing.
I am simply searching
for the puzzle pieces
that you have decided to hide.
Jan 2019 · 179
Sleepless
Awake for hours
Every night.
You are sound asleep
In your bed
Or not sleeping
In someone else's.
Jan 2019 · 133
Priorities
What is more important to you than me?
Everything.
Jan 2019 · 367
When a Man Loves a Woman
She is confident in their relationship
Never questioning his feelings
Because he makes it clear
That she is loved.

She feels free to go about her day
Not wondering when she will see him
Because he makes plans in advance
To show that her time is valuable.

She knows what is going on with him
No secrets being hidden from her
Because he communicates
To involve her in his life.

She is comfortable with him
Never hesitating to share her feelings
Because he wants to understand
and make her happy.

She feels beautiful and ****
Never insecure about her body
Because she is a queen in his eyes
And he emphasizes her worth in his life
Every day.
Jan 2019 · 452
Just Say It
Good morning honey!
...Good morning.
I love you!
....Have a great day.
I miss you!
...Are you going to dinner?
Yes but I miss you!
...Enjoy dinner.
I want you, handsome!
....Thanks.
I LOVE YOU!
....Silence.
[Crying inside]
Jan 2019 · 584
I'm Not That Woman
Who is that woman?
You know...
The woman who enters your thoughts when you first open your eyes.
The one you want to share the details of your day and
You can't wait to hear about hers.
The woman that you want to know is safe at home at night.
You want her in your life because without her,
It feels like something is missing.
She is the woman you take on dates because
You are proud to be with her.
If you could tell her a hundred times a day that she is loved, it wouldn't feel like enough.
You crave her kiss, desire her touch
And want to keep her safe in your arms...
Forever.
Who is that woman?
Is it me?
I wish,
But no...
I'm not that woman.
Jan 2019 · 1.8k
Feelings
I wish I felt like you really loved me.
I feel like you want to see me when you don’t have a better option.
I feel like you have a secret life that you don’t want to share with me.
I feel like you don’t care whether I stay or leave.
I feel like you are not attracted to me.
I feel like I’m doing everything to try to make this a “real” relationship.
I feel like you don’t have respect for me.
I feel like you are embarrassed to be seen with me.
I feel like I’m nothing special or different than the hundred relationships before me.
I feel needy and unwanted.
I feel like you don’t want to touch me.
I feel like you wish I would just be happy with a relationship on your terms and not have other needs.
I feel like all I’m going to get from sharing my feelings is the response, “smh” or "this again" so I keep it to myself.
I feel like you don’t really care about how I feel.
I feel like I’m almost done.
Dec 2018 · 283
Relationship Prison
I am in relationship prison.
Being told when I will have a visitor
Never knowing for sure day-to-day
Always on someone else's terms.

My voice silenced.
Not for lack of a voice but
Learned behavior that expressing my feelings lands me in isolation
So I stay quiet.

There are no romantic words
Or tenderness.
No making love just
*****, slutty, impersonal ***
To feel something. Anything.

"Good morning (prisoner)"
Is what maintains this relationship.
No other conversation
Words that are superficial and empty
Until "lights out" at the end of the day.

Resentment and anger begins to build
Innocent of whatever crime that
Landed me in this awful place
Just praying for a pardon and
A glimmer of compassion.

"It is hard to maintain a relationship in prison.
It is deeply frustrating."
I once heard a prisoner say.
Dec 2013 · 6.3k
A New Year's Wish for You.
This year I hope you will...
Read the best book of your life.
Be kissed by someone who thinks you are wonderful.
Enjoy the peace of sitting outside on a beautiful day.
Make or find great music.
Visit somewhere you've never been.
Have days when you are neither haunted by the past nor worried about the future.
Purchase a product that lives up to the advertisement.
Feel the warmth from a genuine compliment.
Accomplish something important only to you.
Discover a great new restaurant.
Laugh out loud at an unexpected joke.
And finally...
Have a year of health, wealth and peace.
Nov 2013 · 17.8k
Unexpected Kiss
An unexpected kiss
four years ago today
after a late flight,
after a Greek salad (no onions),
after awkward chit-chat
and a win by the Colts
over the Patriots (35-34).

I miss that kiss,
that man, his touch,
those caring eyes,
that adorable smile
and handsome face.

I am excited to my core
when holding him,
hearing his voice,
touching his hair,
caressing his hand,
the feel of his tongue.

An unexpected kiss
four years ago today
changed my thoughts,
my heart and soul
...forever.
Jan 2013 · 1.7k
Fresh Start
Stripping away
the pretense
to expose the
naked truth.

Nothing to hide
as the warm water
flows over me.

Washing away
yesterday's mistakes
and disappointments.

Watching as regrets
disappear with the suds
down the drain.

Cleansed of the past.
Ready to start a new day.
Dec 2012 · 9.7k
Heart vs. Mind
My Heart and Mind had a discussion one day,
About a man that they both knew quite well.
The heated discussion continued for hours,
Both with arguments meant to compel.

A debate ensued between the two,
With each taking a different perspective.
The Heart believed the man to be true,
And the Mind thought he was deceptive.

Heart started the discussion with an obvious point,
"He is sweet and gentle like no man before."
Mind responded smugly, "That's great in the moment
but how does he act after she's walked out the door?"

Heart countered, already knowing the point being made.
"Sure, he may not be able to write or call;
He is busy with constant demands of his time.
What he feels in his heart matters most of all."

"I disagree," and Mind continued to say,
"Actions mean far more than words alone.
It is when words and actions are considered together
that a man's true feelings are shown."

"He has to compartmentalize to get through the day."
Heart continued to defend his intentions,
When they are together his feelings are real,
but her insecurities span many dimensions."

"It's funny you would mention compartmentalizing.
Apparently your memory isn't as sharp as mine,
He was once quoted as saying this was not his strength,
proof that his statements don't always align."

"You are cynical, suspicious and guarded."
Heart was clearly tired of this dispute,
"Those traits are clouding your judgement.
He is genuine and telling the truth."

"I think you are overlooking the obvious but
I'll relax and stop doubting his intentions
if he makes an effort to send a simple sign."

Heart and Mind both wanting to prove their point
and have the bragging rights of superiority.
Mind sure that the man would disappoint her;
Heart confident in his genuine sincerity.

Both waited patiently for some type of gesture,
Something to demonstrate that he really does care.
Heart began to worry and whispered to herself,
"Stay calm and trust that it's not just another affair."

Patience prevailed and an email arrived,
just as Heart had hoped and prayed.
Mind, although disappointed by being proved wrong,
was relieved and no longer afraid.

Trust and calm filled her spirit when thinking of him,
but it was both that won in the end.
Maybe they were more than temporary lovers
and could also be permanent friends.
Dec 2012 · 1.6k
Simple Kiss
A simple kiss
gentle and sweet
electrified my soul.

A wave of
****** feelings
never felt before.

A simple kiss
became complicated.
Feelings of passion,
anticipation,
longing,
love.

A simple kiss
ruined by
regret,
shame,
guilt.

I miss
A simple kiss.
A simple hug.
A simple friendship.
A simple love.
Dec 2012 · 550
Love Misplaced
Love misplaced,
time misspent,
intentions...
misinterpreted.

For me, no.
My words were
reflecting the
genuine  feelings
in my heart.

The embarrassment,
the hurt
will fade.

My love is not
as fickle.
Dec 2012 · 542
Don't
Don't tell me
"I love you baby."
You didn't even like me.

Don't tell me,
"Never leave me."
You wanted me to disappear.

Don't tell me
"You are special."
I was one of dozens.

Don't say, "I can't be
with someone I don't care about."
I was nothing to you.

Don't tell me, "I wake up
thinking of you."
I was forgotten immediately.

Don't profess,
"I'm happily married."
You sleep with other women.

Don't treat a woman's
heart so carelessly.
Dec 2012 · 651
Disconnect
I said I wouldn't email.
I said I wouldn't call.
I said I wouldn't text.
No communication with you at all.

I disconnected from LinkedIn,
blocked you on Facebook too.
Unblocked you... then
blocked you again.

Read several self-help books.
Tried to drink the thoughts away.
Meditation, exercise, work and painting.
Anything to get through another day.

But no matter what I try,
you are always still near.
In my mind and my heart,
you are forever loved, I fear.

— The End —