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In the bowels of a prison, in a tomb of concrete, for twenty three hours a day-
The “Teflon Don” was alone all that time, free only to scream, curse, or pray.
To seek refuge in madness most men would resort, but that was not John Gotti’s way.
He was chained when he showered; by the guards he called cowards,
he saw the Sun seldom these days.

His mind oft would drift back to better days at the Bergin hunt and fish-
Playing cards with friends and cronies who indulged his every wish..
He recalled how he rose to be Don; it was a blood drenched throne,
but, unlike his predecessor, he would die slowly and alone

Cancer took his lower jaw; he gummed what food he ate.
Four grey walls surrounded him, the door an iron gate.
His tumor soon metastasized; that death was imminent was plain.
Although John Gotti was in agony he took nothing for the pain.

He would not chance a mental lapse, a confession overheard.
He would not give the ******* that; he would not say a word.
He died choking on his own blood, his corpse lay still and cold.
It was then, and only then, the Feds released their hold
John Gotti Sr, the "Don" of the Gambino crime family was imprisoned in the Federal Penitentiary in Marion Illinois. he was held in a an underground concrete cell 23.5 hours each day in solitary confinement. Gotti contracted Cancer while in prison and died a slow and painful death from cancer of the jaw and throat.
The alternative was a myth
an abyss we tried to bridge,
but we got stuck in the land of no luck and nobody gives a flying..I'm packing my rucksack, sick of jacking off to the land of hope and that's the story I will give if I live long enough to tell,
well..
whatya gonna do about it now
they closed the abyss up and the myth becomes one more flying, '**** a lemon', mother says, that'll wipe the smile from the smile of your days.
As a person I know
You're usually awkward
And most likely weird
But when you turn serious
My impression of you turns different
I've never seen anyone like you
I never thought you had this side of you
But seeing you like this is foreign to me
I've  become attached to you somehow
And I can't seem to put much into words what I think about you for real
He made me feel trapped
My mother said in a tone that made me check under my bed twice at night
I never understood why my mom  referred  to her husband as he or him
Maybe she didn't want to take ownership of her mistakes?
My mother has never been the type of person to let her emotions break levees
I guess that's why I always thought she was so strong

I wondered if some nights she was terrified
Lying next to a man that made her heart feel like a needle to ballon
Their marriage like a torpedo to a boat

I wondered if some nights she wanted to run
If she could just slip between the wall and the lock close the door quietly she could be worry free
I wondered why my mom never cried or
If she waited for the two baby girls in the room across from her to close their eyes?
Or when she sinks beneath the bubbles in the bathroom she handcrafted with her fingertips


My mother went on like this for too long.
I wondered many nights if my mom was ever really in love
I wondered why mom kept holding on  
I wondered if mom could sleep

Cause I know when her eyes saw her eye lids pictures of dad with another woman would be painted
I wondered when my father wrapped his arms around my mother he was wishing it was the one he slept with the night before
I wondered if when my father kissed my mother she would hold her breath
Holding on to the next time she could exhale exhale

My mothers foundation never cracked nor dripped anything but love
My mother never let sleepless nights get the best of her
My mother still smiled as if her wedding vows were still sitting on her tongue

10 years later my moms eyes still water like the night she shoved me and my big sister in the car and drove away

My mother still loves like her heart has never been ripped and slashed from her chest  

My mothers levee will never see a flood
Today the sun shed some tears
The cloud showed there fears
Scars were found on the stars
Heaven was stripped of bliss

I know between us lasts no more, melodies
I know last night the piper played out last tune
But I'm still in tune to your memories, so I will take these last steps to your heart's beat
I know the earth rotated on my decisions, but you were my sun, my world revolved around you.
Now, we stand on both ends of a bridge as we watch it burn
Somewhere I wish within the flames the phoenix would birth us a new world
Cause deep in my heart
I have no words to fill these blank spaces
Why is it that after such amazing days

I have the worst dreams

Ones were I can dare to stand you

Ones were you look more beautiful than anything I've ever seen

Dreams were I can't function in that fake world

Because you were the world

So now that I'm awake

How do you expect me to function in the real one?
The question was raised
In the morning sun;
The coffee was on.
I remember.

The window over the sink
Was open, the curtains flapped
In your face.
You remember.

I saw the fine hairs
Through your sleeves,
Same as you,
I was teased.
We remember.

You asked if I was leaving:
The answer given
Seemed to please.
You remember.
I remember.
The pets remember.
My universe won't
Let me forget.

We wrapped-up
In our arms;
Turned off the coffee,
Re-set the alarm.
*Je me souviens.
Je me souviens: I remember. The official motto of Quebec.
~~
When so much light around
but you say the dark
I could not understand
my top layer

When I was in the womb
Then, and not
But there was light
Then when I saw your universe that you have made
everything was there

My playing companions
The Sun
The Moon
My beloved,
And that delighted
Night's north star was
on her forehead  
Where all of my senses have
grown up

Then at one sudden night of the new moon
I saw a thick overlay on the sky,
between you and me
The North Star has disappeared

I think that you were true
In the dark I find my known world
One by one,
Trying out through the thick layer

It seems to cover the end
As light yellow yolk
See a light-colored tint
which awakens my sixth sense again

A shadowy obsession
Which has yet to create an illusion
~~
@Musfiq us shaleheen
~~
illusion
~~
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