oh
how we exist
so harmoniously in dream world

only to wake up
and disappoint reality

i need an outlet
congested breath is starting to give me insomnia
resting limbs on private parts
somehow the night turned to day so quickly
from black to muted mauve
to sunshine
blinding
three cigarette packs, two bars of chocolate, and a key
when did the air stop being cold?
fingers grazing curves
curves growing
turquoise ink stationary on soft skin
and your greying hair
sugar teeth
my solitude is much better with your company

I have no need for rainbows
I wish the world was forever night
warm and dark
like my disposition
so i could hide and not be seen when i wanted to be alone
and simply blame it on the lack of light

i often fantasize about the things i wish i could've done differently
looking back
it was only a handful of moments that really
just
well
anyway
i purposefully watch recorded memoirs of us making love
eyes locked like a heavily armed diamond safe
we couldn't break the code of our iris' and souls merging
i purposefully read notes and messages that were written in total bliss
somethings i scoffed off as nothings that ended up being the most something somethings that were ever somethings and they were special
never asking myself why
why did you walk away with fists when they should've been full of flowers
why did you terrorize the medicine man
why did you find solace in an eggless bird when you had the comfort of a lion leading a pride of loyal and loving knights and healers
the more i remind myself how much
much
i can't even put to words the agony i caused to your open heart
****
it makes me so much less bitter and hateful towards you
because your only crime against me was loving my touch and eyes
when I didn't deserve it.
but at least i can set you free
and hope you get the love that i should've blessed you with
the way you blessed me
only now it's starting to feel like a curse
because i'm starting to feel
like i can't feel
that feeling
that love feels like
what does it feel like?
it's been too long and my heart is beginning to turn to black ice

13th and pine
15th and pine
12th and federal
broad and morris
13th and spruce
juniper and lombard
juniper and locust
13th and walnut
18th and ellsworth
12th and kater
23rd and christian
15th and rodman
9th and filbert
17th and carpenter
10th and spruce
17th and cecil b. moore
23rd and annin
17th and ellsworth
somewhere desolate in Germantown
broad and catherine
12th and spruce
4th and catherine
10th and christian
16th and reed

I'd rather be alone
for the rest of eternity
than spend one more minute
waiting for you
to call me back.

how do i always manage to end up with my gloves up?

imagine this:
unbroken eye contact leads to an exchange of numbers that are now part of the modern identity
you think i can't tell how fearful and intrigued you are of my sharp tongue
intrigue leads to lust
rolling around flannel sheets at 2 am after hours of ****** bliss
then we sleep for hours and hours
swimming through each other's dreams like mermaids in the sea
repeat
repeat
your laugh begins to annoy me
repeat
my unwavering adoration is beginning to make you feel trapped
repeat
egos bruised and words that can't be taken back are thrown against the wall
repeat
i've been pushed over the edge
repeat
sleep alone
repeat
want you back
repeat





it's over.



start from the top again.