I can tell that
you can't tell
that you aren't
going to be famous.

You helped **** a kid
by selling him laced candy
because you were trying
to buy an acting career.

Your suicide threats
and cries for help
turn me on.
Because.
I would love
for you to die.

And if you were dead --
as dead as the dirt on
the graves you've helped fill --
I wouldn't sleep better or worse;
I guess I would just be happy
knowing that someone would
be able to sleep and wake up.

They put you on the evening news
and you laughed about it on twitter.
Because you are a river
teaching drowning lessons
but not taking responsibility
for the cornflower blue corpses
that haunt your dangerous brain
and contaminate nearby life.

You are a degenerate --
but not one with potential
or hope. You are not what
is beautiful about struggle;
you are not interesting.

You are written about
much like how cancer
is written about in journals.

These **** yellow lights
Threaten my corneas-*

your legs belong to a pin up girl*

Someone is staring at me,
Pale faced,
Sullen brown, red trimmed eyes
Being held by purple shelves.
Gazing at my legs
I glide my hands from my ankles
Grazing unrecognizable
Willow limbs,
******* the scarred flaking notches
Fixated on my newly found eyes
I realize
I never felt my own deterioration.

My only fear
Is that I will spend every night
Sobbing in your arms
To make up for all the times
Everyone else
Left me to fend for myself.

"1. I was drunk off ****** ***** he was tall and looked like a boy I used to love. I pressed my forehead against the glass window and told him I loved being high up and he told me to come back to bed where it was dark and warm and I couldn’t see all the lights and the little people swarming 63 floors down. he told me his little brother’s name and I used to remember it. I’ve forgotten by now.
2. he kissed me tasting like tequila and trying to make me something that I wasn’t. he kissed me because I was there and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. writing about him makes my blood stand still I think I’ll stop before my arteries start to clog.

3. I was ******* a cherry lollipop and feeling like ******, he was throwing his shoulders back and thinking about soccer season. I put my lollipop in his mouth and he said “why don’t we have this conversation walking”. under the trees at night before the cops shut the party down he put his hands up my shirt and then got bored when I wouldn’t **** him with my mouth. sometimes when I see him I smile a little like “maybe…if you had waited another minute…”

4. I took the L train to Brooklyn it was hot and sticky and I was worried he wouldn’t like my hair. when I wandered into the bar I didn’t recognize him until he touched my shoulder. he said he didn’t like sleeping because it was boring and he stuck his fingers in hot wax and he rolled me a cigarette and then apologized when I told him I’d quit last yeah but I’d smoke it anyway. his apartment was full of stupid art and I don’t know why he never texted me back. maybe he found out I was too young for him. maybe when I kissed him he tasted high school on my lips.

5. he was hands, hands, hands, touching me in the shallow water of a man-made lake. he was in my hair and falling into wet sand his lips were all over my chest he murmured “don’t leave me what am I going to do without you.” I left the next day. “you’ll be fine.” I wish he had left bruises on my skin but he is far too kind for that and he calls his little cousins cook, short for cookie.”



a.n. &m.g;.