Thinking of you sleeping by my side rouses new feelings deep within me. Leftover makeup melts off my face and I sink lower and lower into the mattress. I remind myself that I can't fall any lower than the floor, although it feels like the opposite.

Maybe one day, you should take me to your planet. The atmosphere on mine is disappearing and I'm finding it hard to breathe.

Little white and round tablets
20 of them lay in my hand

Marked with little numbers
But what ever they say
I put them all in my mouth

The pain and hurt slowly fades aways
As my heart beat slowly goes away
But I don't feel anything I don't feel any pain all I feel are my eyes closing slowly

I wake up in a dark room with a little window and I hear the sound of someone screaming and yelling my name

I look through the little window to see my mom laying over my life less body pulling my body towards her

Blaming everything on her. She pushed me to far
yelled
At me to much

But what she dosnt know is that it wasn't her fault it was the little white pills that put me asleep

Laying in the darkness
Stars glimmer brightly
You hold me tight
This cold winters evening
Whispering in my ear
Saying how much you love me

I turn away
Pretending to sleep
Ashamed to face you
Wishing to be somewhere else
Anywhere else

But it’s not because of you
That I turn away

I’ve dreamed once, trusted once
Loved once but now I can’t
No matter how I try

I do try
But all I see is
My heart ripped in a million pieces
Thrown
Fluttering to the white crusted river of tears below

And now
Like an old photo in the sun
I’m fading
Fading from dreams, fading from trust
Fading from love…

Fading from you

No it’s not because of you
That I’m afraid to love

It’s because of him
He who I gave everything to
I gave my time, my mind, my trust
Shared my fears, my dreams, my thoughts…

My bed

No it’s because of him
That love has become
The thing I
Fear
The most

I do have some trouble coming to terms.
I don’t understand why they will never come to me.

It’s supposed to be summer,
But outside just looks cold.
I wonder how it feels.

The silence seems to hum.
I think it purrs,
Happy in its own existence,
How nice to be THERE!
I would like to join it.

We could have a tea party,
Us three,
Me,
the silence,
and the hollow cavity carved inside myself.