looking down upon
the gravestones marking countless failed attempts of people
at the illusion disguised as “love”
was something she’d grown fond of
seeing “lovers” for the fools they are
acting like she wasn't a fool herself
thinking that she was better than them for not trying,
getting ****** by the vortex of giving all your heart
to someone almost like digging your own grave
(graveyard part two)

their love was long dead
but sometimes he came by the grave, placing fresh flowers
as if waiting, wishing for them to sprout new buds of hope for what's been gone

romeo,
i've forgotten where we met
i think it was at some party?
you were with your friends that night and you were just someone who caught my fascination that time
the next thing i know your face was lit up from laughing at a lame *** joke i told that you deemed witty
and the night went on, we got in your car and drove aimlessly
there's a mixtape you made playing in the background- later on i found out that was your way of introducing me to your favorite bands
my heart badly wanted to get out of my chest the whole time- it was so loud inside, knocked up by all the anxious flutter you sent unknowingly through me, the weariness i had from willingly entering a stranger's car gradually melted
i was relieved that we actually had a conversation despite it being casual and light
i remember the way your eyes glimpsed at me as i got out of your car
and not even ten minutes have passed when you sent me a text saying, good night sleep tight
but i didn't really catch sleep not until it was 4 in the morning, an hour after i finally calmed down the slightest bit
and we took it from there and all the moments we've had are tenants in the hotel rooms tucked in the lone corner of my brain (i keep coming back to them)
it was all too fast and i was falling and it just couldn't be because what if i havent gotten in your car that night
if this wasnt written by the stars or some great force but just black ink over the lines of some doomed fate?
and it doesn't make sense and history repeats itself and everyone knows this is a tragedy where you'll come after me and it'll be the end of the both of us
i had to leave
i had to save you
because this was never supposed to happen
it's supposed to be romeo and rosaline or some other girl
but right now you probably found your rosaline in a pack and a bottle in your hands
and im sorry for causing you pain; you dont deserve to hurt

now i remember:

it is east where we met;

but quite frankly i am not the sun
-juliet

hey

it seems that im back here again at the place we used to call ours
i still call it ours because no one really comes up here and i know this because i go up here everyday after school
i know it's been months but i still love the view just as much. it's peaceful u here and it's getting cold but dont worry, i carry my jacket around like you always used to remind me to- i miss you
there's a lighter in my hand, it looks like the one from the day at the convenience store where you first talked to me-the black one with scribbles all over it-, remember? (do you even remember me?)
don't worry i stopped smoking a month ago- you've been telling me to quit ever since- so no, i didnt go up here to smoke
i guess i just like watching the flame flicker on and off; sometimes i burn things- dont worry it's harmless,i swear, though it does hold a certain sort of power, you know? once you light something up, it just sits there and detoriates then it's gone

it ***** how my mind's still stuck on you as if you never left, the memories are kept kindled
i keep looking back at our pictures, i still believe they can lead me to a trainstation or a bus stop for a detour back to everything
i dont know why i cant seem to stop- my friends think im over it
the thing is i tried getting over it but not really, just a halfway attempt
i met a guy twice, thrice and they'd last until i wanted them to (but i dont- time passes by fast and they start to irritate me sooner than later)
this makes me a sadist but i cant help it, the pain's deadly and i still relinquish on it
maybe it's my fuel, it keeps me alive

i gotta say you're really good at your thing- with the hiding and all- it's what made me look in to you the first place, your persistency and consistency (or i thought you were)- ignorning and disappearing
ive tried looking for you, keep hoping that i'd bump on you in the halls but i never really see you and you never come back up here-if you did, id know
i cant say that i 'loved' or 'love' you because i still dont believe in that fickle thing-infatuated, maybe
all i know is that i got attached and im left to suffer with this downfall. i knew it would end sooner or later, i knew you'd leave but i didnt expect you to be the one to go. tis is the only part of the story uncalled for-the begrudging plot twist

i should regret our paths diverging but i dont feel hatred towards you. im stuck living in the past, chasing ghosts of you and me, even now i still think it was worth it, ironic right?
maybe meaning's found in the fleeting
i no longer depend on cigarrettes but i still keep lighters in my pocket, with a flick i watch the flame because it reminds me of our times- it's so very much like the memories that cease to die; i cease to forget you
maybe in some way it can make up for a love lost
the fire reminds me to sta alive like how you used to- you were my fire

i guess i cant take you off my mind because you gave me something ive been deprived of-hope-when you held my hand in the alley, the warmth of your palm made me hope and only now do i realize that hope is a treacherous thing
now the night has reached its peak and i have to go, mom's going to be worried
i'd come back here tomorrow, i know you're not coming back at all
but i hold on,
to my lighters,
i hold on to hope

just in case

" i   l  o  v  e  y  o  u "

i used to think it was too fast

too fast for it to be real

but now i often catch myself wondering,

had i said it back,

would've it made you stay

and would we still be okay

but im glad that i didn't

because you didn't do anything but leave

and now i know it's all u  n  r  e  a  l

-at least for you anyway

last night i dreamt
of angels and seraph blades and the world catching fire
and it's inevitable that we're all going to die
so i really think that for love's sake, we should try,
and ill hold you in my arms til it's our time, there's no need to cry