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When my eyes close at night
I dream of  ways my life could take flight.
My mind runs with ideas of how
I could have been different from
the past to now.
Its always changing
never the same.
I never know which way to take
to shift my dreams and raise the stakes.
But changing in my dreams isn't really living
because I'm proud of the life I was given.
Learning to love myself one day at a time
  Feb 2015 just survive somehow
Kayla
**** me back together. love me enough to heal these wounds. make love to me as though you could reach infinity in my skin. taste nirvana on my tounge. grab all my broken pieces and fix them one at a time.
"I just want to have ***", you said.
An unexpected non-sequitur.
We had been sipping tea or coffee or something.
We had been reminiscing about the old street,
Back when none of us were single.
"yeah, I miss it, too", I said.

"No.  I mean right now", you corrected.
As I turned to see your face, it betrayed little.
Impassive but alert.  Warm but not intimate.  No passion.
I was willing, but remember: this never happened to me.
Something seemed wrong about it,
But was there any harm?

I asked if I could think about it.
You thought about it, too, as we watched a movie.
Halfway through some Ridley Scott epic, we held each other.
We touch-explored and memory only tells me this is true:
With no further reason beyond the will to be,
I soon lay naked there with you.  
It wasn't love but, then again,
This never happened.
Awkward, at first, we found our place,
Our touch and pull, our rhythm and pace.
"no kissing", you admonished, speaking only that.

Though I rest spent and full inside you,
That was your concern.
Too personal.
Too intimate.

We held each other for a while,  you left within the hour,
Saying, "this never happened", and my only thought,
My only answer to you,
Was a solemn confirmation,
That nothing could be more true.
I only saw a woman
In her motion and the way that she is made.

Read here by the author:
https://soundcloud.com/warmphase/this-never-happened?in=warmphase/sets/poems
  Feb 2015 just survive somehow
oni
i haven't decided
whether or not
happiness
is worth it
because it has
never
stayed with me
long enough
to be able
to tell
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