You never stop running;
Never slow down.
You’ve learned that silence
Is the screeching of sound.
The days keep changing,
But it all bleeds to one,
As you’ve found that sleep
Only wastes time.
The stress you feel
Just means your alive.
That shortness of breath
Helps you survive.
So you move through the world
Blind to it’s beauty,
For you’ve learned things are worthless
Unless they are moving.

I will hold you closely, though you may not know I’m there.
My heart will shed light and warmth, though the lack of words may leave you bare.
I’m not always sure of the world around me,
And day after day I live with fear,
But my love for you is unceasing, Alive, and I more than anything
I care.

If I love too deeply, forgive me,
All that I know is to pick apart and dissect the world around me
Until my understanding of the universe is more clear,
And once the beauty is revealed I can only stand in awe at the miracles of each day.
You are the most miraculous to me.  
And so as I open your mind and peer inside, please tell me if I stray too close
To the shadows you hide in,
The lies you cling to. I will only love you more for these,
But I know they cause you fear.
And if I must leave, just tell me to go.
I will love you no matter the distance, around the world, or a universe away.
I will send you all the light I can and be at peace.
With no expectations.
I am yours, unconditionally.

Don't look at me, don't see me,
I might break.  If I whisper or scream
Don't hear me; don't listen.
I need to hide, run away,
Before I fall any deeper and break.

Don't believe me, don't trust.
Don't rely on the words I say.
I won't be strong; I'll  just give in
To this desire to run away,

Because the world is too much,
And I don't know if I'm enough.
I can scream, I can breathe,
I can rip out my hair,
But every minute that passes
I grow weak,
Give in to this dreamless sleep,
Stop fighting, go numb, and break.

It's a battle, just breathing,
Waking up each morning.
Being strong, being open,
Letting myself feel vulnerable.

So if I seem to be breaking,
And giving in to the masks  I paint,
Know that I couldn't take it
Without giving up my mind and going insane.

Because the world is too much,
And I don't know if I'm enough.
I can scream, I can breathe,
I can rip out my hair,
But every minute that passes
I grow weak,
Give in to this dreamless sleep,
Stop fighting, go numb, and break.

The Darkness grows inside of me,
And calls to my soul.
It begs me to fly to it
And lose my control.
It temps me and teases;
Tortures me so sweet,
But I won't give in to it.
I will not fall.

The freedom.
The dreaming.
The pain deep inside.
This emptiness pulls me,
But I know I must hide.

I fall to my knees now;
Struggle to stand up
Because I know if I give in
I won't come back.
The shadows deep inside
Beg me and plead,
But I turn away so that I
Will not fall.

The desire.
The Fire.
The pain deep inside.
It burns me and calls to me,
But I know I must hide

And I want to give in.
I want to be free.
The darkness allures and tempts me.

I was enchanted by the
Stars, burning so bright,
that I forgot the Earth beneath me,
the grass that cushions,
the roots that dig deep;
You are the touch of cool sand on barefeet.
A breeze blows softly on the coast
as I look up to the clouds my love
For the sky
Has not faded.
I look down to my feet
As waves wash up underneath,
And my love for the Earth that cradles me
Grows.
These two loves I hold simultaneously.
So deep, so separate,
But co-existing in Harmony.
I let the Earth carry me gently
The sky is for another lifetime.
This ground that holds me
Is home.

I lie down tonight
knowing I won't sleep.
It's been months, and still
I'm kept up
with an aching stomach and too many thoughts
running through my mind.

I remember June, when we met,
I couldn't sleep then either.
Any second away from you
left me longing.
So we would hold on,
long talks until dawn,
Fingers tracing, memorizing faces
with touch, scent, taste. Embracing
and knowing I'd have to leave all too soon,
We would stay awake until the sunrise
forced our eyes shut.

Now
I still feel you with me,
Always haunting.
Memories of dreams:
a wedding never to be,
a pretend family

Memories rush through me;
I see your face.
Brought to my knees,
the space where my heart should be
aches.

I’ve lost something too important
and can’t shake this fear,
that no matter how I fight or plead
it cannot be found
without you here

I won't give in;
I will not break.
I will fight to the end
With all that it takes.
I may struggle,
but I will not fall,
Because I'm here,
Standing alone,
Strong and tall.

Can I give in?
Can I say it's too much?
Can I hide from the world,
And find somewhere to run?

Can I forget
Why I'm too tired to be,
And just give in
To the sleep that calls me?

My world is crashing down so slowly
And I've forgotten who I am.
I just watch the pieces crumble eternally,
Wondering when it all will end.

Where is the strength
I once found I had?
Where is the beauty
I once saw in the land?

Why can't I forget
All that used to be,
And just give in
To the sleep that calls me?

My world is crashing down so slowly
And I can't find truth, or love, or beauty.
So I watch the pieces crumble forever
Wondering what has happened, to make it fall apart.

The life I once had, has all but left me.
The dreams I once cherished, have crumbled to ash.
So as I wait for the future, I just want to surrender;
Find a place I can rest
And somewhere to run.

Blinding light. Warmth. A smile.
I could feel you every moment,
Taste the salty sweetness of
Your skin.
The sun shined down,
But we were brighter,
Living in our own world,
Reckless in how easily we trusted,
Fell, spilled our secrets in a day.

Now the sun has set.
I know it will rise again,
But the empty room whispers painfully-
*We burned out too soon.

You reached out your hand
And so gently, wrapped it around mine.
The darkness . . .
The darkness was there,
But as he fell asleep
You remined me: I am not alone.

Years ago I let you in
when no one else could reach me.
I’d become numb to swear words,
To raised voices and fighting.
I was searching for meaning, for reason,
For a place in this world to feel again like I was living.
So I let you in-
I needed someone to see me.
The exchange was simple.
All it took was a kiss or two
in your older friends bathroom,
And in return I got my fix-
Cuddling and innocence. Validation.
Then it started with my shirt, a simple thing,
then bra,
then pants,
But when it came to my underwear I remember pleading,
No, just not this one, not this last thing,
The last thin veil keeping you from seeing all of me.
But the challenge was too intriguing,
And my desire to be accepted was crushing.
So when you overtook me I just closed my eyes
As hard as I could
Let you kiss me and pretended it didn’t bother me.
When you held me on the couch afterward I remember whispering
“I love you”
But I knew it wasn’t true.
You didn’t respond. Pretended to be sleeping.
And here I am years later,
Still wondering if this is the reason
I have trouble trusting.

Slow down,
What are you running from?
Wait now.
What are your demons?
Rest child.
I promise the sun will come out
in the morning.
Just believe in yourself.
You can make it through.