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 Sep 2015 Brian Payamps
Pax

I sit alone as if I am fading
Invisible in the ashen fields.
My heart longs to be somewhere
to where I see myself
Clear as the new day
True to oneself’s beauty
Away from the toxicity of people’s opinion
Or as far away from my own shadow of doubt.

I sit alone & not running anymore.
Losing strength as the wind passes by
Losing a bit of my edge in this unreasonable persona, I face.
Yet I never give a **** as long as I kept on going
Reaching for something Unreachable,
I can only hope…

I want to feel the life of someone’s at arm’s reach
to feel that I am alive
I missed you.

this feels like a follow-up on my 'ashen gray' piece:
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/298918/ashen-gray/
though it is much more in a different road,
a road that i am longing to have..
 Sep 2015 Brian Payamps
svdgrl
Last night,
I was surrounded by people-
like-minded and beautiful.
My heart was pounding,
and I had a resilient smile
despite how shy my voice felt.
I kept scanning their faces,
when they weren't looking,
lingering for safe seconds,
searching for something.
I couldn't tell what it was
there was a lack of then.
Or why I almost felt content,
but really more like
a half-full glass of wine.
But I began to catch hints,
when people began to retire.
I caught my ride back,
and climbed into
my empty sheets,
fumbling with
my silent phone.
Until sleep
took my hands
and laid them
over a deep hole.
When I woke,
and my arms
reached out
for warmth
I knew what I was missing.
You.
Only you can fill those places.
 Sep 2015 Brian Payamps
tori
I called you at 1:19 A.M.
It rang for 15 seconds.
My heart skipped a beat when I heard you answer.
You hung up immediately.
Everything hurts.
I want to go home.
I'm too old now to die young
But not old enough to get rid of my self doubt
I have many years on my record
But if I got arrested, would you still bail me out?

I'm too old now to die young
Too young to have these tragic thoughts
I have many years on my record
But I'm getting tired of walking around with a heavy heart

I'm too old now to die young
But not old enough to think that every tear's been shed
I have many years on my record
I wish I didn't feel like all those years were wasted

I'm too old now to die young
But not old enough to get rid of my self doubt
I have many years on my record
But if I got arrested, would you still bail me out?
I´m not sure about this one.. got inspired by a line in a song. Please feel free to let me know what you think/what could have been better.
Copyright @ Johanna Magdalena
I've been choking from the moment
I was forced to let you go
I should have spoke it out of poems
so that you would ever know
that I am bowing out & broken
want to unlearn every bone
until my heart re-bleeds the reasons
I keep sleeping here alone

so won't you
untie all my finger-tips
& hand me back my lungs
I was the fool that glued my heart to you
please can't you see what you have done ?
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