breathe.
it isn't real.
do not cry.
wake up.
control.
don't scream.
keep it yourself.
you're awake.
just a dream.
pain.
it doesn't hurt.
scars, marks, wounds.
deep cuts.
not bleeding.
compartmentalize.
don't be scared.
lost.
scattered thoughts.
hide it.
please.
I'M FINE.

I feel like writing, but I don't know what to write.
Sorry.
I guess I don't have much to tell.
It's been a long day,
And I think,
I'm about to have an even longer night.

lying on the cold hard ground
in a cold dark room
in a pool of my own blood
i can barely move

someone picks me up
and i'm on a stool
hanging by a thread
around my neck's a noose

i'm taking my own life
but i'm not
if they kick it out from under me
i'll be gone

it's not loose
but not tight
just terrible
terrible

the spotlight is on me
people are watching
watching me suffer
what are they doing

i have no control
i can't make decisions
it's all up to them
i'm stuck in a prison

i clench my eyes shut and
let out a silent scream
i'm praying to God
hoping that it's just a dream

it's not loose
but not tight
just terrible
terrible

they have no mercy
i'm not sorry
everything is gone
and so am i

I tried speaking to you today.
You were right next to me,
But you weren't listening.
Its not like you ever do anyway.
No one ever listens.

Can't be seen
I'm all alone
My mascara's running
From the tears I let go

No point trying
I can't let go
My mascara's still running
Like it was before

My tears aren't drying
I don't know
Why my mascara's still running
I'm going in circles

Swinging
Back and forth
I can't be bothered
To let go

My mascara's still running
I don't know what for
But I'm not crying
Not anymore

I used to be warm and bubbly

It was effortless

It's so much harder to be

Cold and empty

It takes so much time

So much effort

Yet I can't be anything else

Because cold and empty

Is what I am

And you can't change who you are

My mind is a box.
Filled with emotion.
And because I was curious,
I decided to let it out.
But all that came out,
Is hope.
And all I was left with,
Was everything else.
None of it good.
If there is only darkness within me,
Will there ever be any light?

Some questions can never be answered.
Only because no one knows the answer.
Others cannot be answered because an answer does not exist.
Whereas, some questions do not need an answer at all.
It's a funny thing, a question.
So many different answers, yet even more reasons as to why there is no answer.

They say ignorance is bliss.
But what about when you're the one being ignored?
For that,
They should say ignorance is misery,
Instead.

I thought I knew you,
But I guess not anymore.
I knew the old you.
You thought you knew me too, right?
But you don't, 'cause I've changed too.

Millions of thoughts, fighting in my head.
Which will I pick, to move ahead.
Words spilling, through my mouth.
Neither soft, nor loud.
No order, just my feelings,
Which, through my fingers, are leaking.
Yet I am still stuck, in the depths of my soul.
I'm writing, but I'm losing control.
Digging my nails into my palm,
I'm trying to breath and stay calm.
I open my hand and see the scars,
There's blood trickling down my arm.
Now I have an idea, at least I think I do,
But then again, maybe it's better I stay confused.

Too bad we can't time travel,
There are a lot of mistakes I need to fix.
There's a lot I would want to say to the girl I used to be.

I wish she knew that her life was going to be hell.
But,
She didn't.

And the past is the past.
It's what made me who I am now,
And do I really want that to change?