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 May 2016 Tatya Koeswanto
eli
i keep thinking about this poem in my head
i cannot remember a thing
even though i live in my head

bloodshot eyes are all i see
looking straight in the mirror, lost at sea
keep thinking i will see you again
knowing the answer is "never again"

i still don't know a thing
about this world
keep thinking everything i hear
are lies that are told,
that everyone is out to get me, like a tower of cards
left to stumble and fold.
that people only care for them selves, even though
they always told me
two people can make one's self.

if life is truly survival of the fittest
then my life is a jacket that could never really fit
i outgrew it before i was born
a shame, a shame
i am a shell of who i used to be, i am a lame on the street.
after you died, nothing can ever be the same.

the love we cherished
at fifteen, will stay with me till fifty.
god forbid, it is 2016, here i am thinking
i would never live past 2015.

i am gone, i am dead
whatever you hear from me is posthumous
being written from the troughs in Heaven's den
lost and forgotten, look around, see.
the rock of Sisyphus
weighs heavy on the walking posthumous
they are gone, they are dead, they push on.

i hear them say, rest in peace.
hope they will say the same,
when i find reprieve
at the bottom of the sea.
all im wanting
is for us to be one thing
a beautiful new beast
with two minds and one heartbeat
If God had to go back
to work on Monday
Bet he would have invented, then rested,
More days than just Sunday.

I'm cursing my alarm--
Using, in vain, the name of his son.
Wishing that God would have rested
More days than just one.
Sometimes life is unfair
but I don't care
there can be much hope even in despair
I don't shed tear
I'm a hundred percent sure
I'll compass my end
Take that risk
And enlighten yourself
Never stop growing
Entertain, edify, and reach for that top shelf
The gold is yours
Be willing to broaden your mind
The answer is there within
Just take things one step at a time
I attempt to
Call u
Any possible way
Message
Prayer
Person
Dreams...
But u never answered
Don't expect me then
To try again
 Apr 2016 Tatya Koeswanto
cassidy
my mother warned me
about drugs and alcohol
how they claim your body as their own
and destroy the lives they touch

but she never told me
about the dangers of a boy
whose smile streams through my veins
stronger than any narcotic.
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