i was born
with a heart too big to fit
inside my chest
and a soul bigger than my body
so i have chosen
to leave pieces of my heart
in the places my feet have known
in the people i have loved
in the words i have read
in the beauty my eyes have seen
and my soul-
i have scattered it like seeds
and i have left parts of it
in songs,
in poetry,
in the laughter of children,
in the arms that have held me
and the hearts that have loved me

Perhaps I do not want to be poet
but to be the poetry
you carve into yourself
to be the thought
right before you close your eyes
to be the smile
climbing up your cheeks
to be your sunrise,
sunset, stars and sky
to be your moonlight,
and reflect your Oceanic blue
I do not know who you are,
but I want to inspire flowers
from your mind,
and I want to be able
to call you mine.

in this thrifted sweater
and black and white floral skirt

in my soft and faded yellow
and on those pastel clouds
with my daydreaming eyes

i wanted a cheap ticket

you see,
i wanted a one way trip
to heaven
so i could stand protected
so i could stand behind
the holy gates,
bathing in gold light.
in my sweater,
wrapped in light
and safe.

little did i know i’d feel safer that day
that i’d taste some of heaven
in that sweater in late november
with your arm interlaced
in mine
like fate
had planned
for that to be
the moment our stars
aligned

you were a sunbeam
my sweater was security
and your arms beheld the stars
of the heavens
to me

and can i tell you something?
they were all
so
*yellow

Sometimes
I find myself
rewriting poems
Changing all the words
except for
your name

Two cups of coffee and suddenly the answers are all clear to me

i'm okay with the silence that fills the air when we walk past each other now, and the half empty smiles shared amongst us when we both are walking in through the same door.
i'm okay with not wondering what you're doing, or if it's her you're missing, or why you can't sleep. i realize now that your curiosity only runs as far as my brastrap and *******, and once your fingers found my skin, my magic disappeared.

so for that i apologize. i take full responsibility. but i no longer have to settle and i no longer am allowing you to have power over me.

you don't get to make me feel worthless and full of emptiness. you aren't allowed to steal my purity, even if you stole it elsewhere. i am not used, i am not broken, and i promise you
i will continue to live.
you don't get to call at midnight when you miss her and need me. you aren't allowed to come in my heart when it's convienent for you and pluck the growth from me. i know you despise to see me move on, to see me let go, so i'll do just that because i realize now
**i am worth it, and i deserve so much more.