The saddest man...

Many times
You made me laugh
You made me cry
You made me think
of life as you saw it

I wonder how can you
be the clown Im laughing with
and the guy I cried with
all at the same time.

You've been one of the hero
and the clown of my life.

Thank you for the laugh
and the tears.

I'll surely miss you.

Goodbye now.

~ RuNe

You'll life forever, right?

You have your head wrapped intently around your phone. Your individual problems consuming your mind. You keep your head down when people walk by so they don't decipher the two blemishes that made a home adjacent to your nose. You cry over the person who took your heart, ruthlessly crushed it then gave it back more damaged than before. You stress about college, the job you will have along with the salary you will acquire. You worry about the children you will birth and the location of your next move.

While doing these things..

You missed the warm sunshine beating on the windowsill of a bedroom filled with darkness, while you were looking at your phone screen. You missed the solving of the world's problems, while you were too busy worrying over your own. You kept your head down to hide your blemishes, when your smile could have saved someone's life. You cried over a person who hurt you, and you avoided your next opportunity to fall in love. You stressed about the future like it was promised, when your time on earth was escaping you with each passing second.

But you lived forever, right?

and what i realized when i said this today was that
no, its not okay, no its not fine for me to even remotely allow
you to walk all over me like i am a doormat that you can
wipe your ***** shoes all over whenever the ground around you is
wet and causing you to sink,
no my dear friend i will not allow you to treat me like
i am just another girl who can have her heartbroken so easily
i promised myself that my heart wouldn't be so shaken without difficulty
and you will not be the one who takes my heart from my strong hands and
throws it on the ground to be stepped on with your ***** shoes.
no, I'm not sorry at all for how i feel about this situation,
because i am so ******* exhausted of being treated this way and
pretending that it doesn't hurt,
no i am so tired of pretending that none of this hurts,
because my god, it surely
does.

so no, its not okay, and it sure as hell is not fine.
pack up your bags, bud.
this "doormat" isn't for you.

Today I sat in my car.
Holding back the tears.
Why did I want to cry?
Why didn't I know why I wanted to cry?
Why didn't I just do it?
Why was I holding back?
No one was around.
I was alone in my car.
With the radio blaring.
Just letting the noise run right through me.
Like vacant noise.