I am the water
that falls
from your shower head
caressing your body
before
dropping
onto the bathtub floor
I get pulled
towards the drain
and
******
down

I am the ***
hanging on the rack
above
your stove
knock me on accident-
I will
fall
to the ground
breaking the silence
of the night
with the loudest
bang
I will wake up
your entire
household
as I plummit
down

I am the driftwood
floating along
this river
bumping
into rocks
and debris that
the current takes me through
I have reached
the peak of the waterfall
you will hear the roar
as I come
crashing
down

I am the skin that sags
around your *******
as you get older
you
curse me
every time
you look in the mirror
I am the cause
of your insecurity-
where you put the blame
for your marriages failure-
wrinkled
skin
being
pulled
down

I am the ship
with a ruptured
side
my buoyancy
broken
as I start to
tip
towards certain doom
the families and
lives
of the souls aboard me
realize
their fate
and show their true,
human
nature
as we
sink
towards the ocean floor-
as we
sink
down

wouldn't know
life
without it

gravity

bearing it's
pressure
force
attraction
inescapable
******* me
towards her
never leaving
no matter
how much
I beg

always
taking me
down

you'd think
in the state of mind
that I've been in lately
sleep
would be a relief

nope

guess not
'cause
I've been forcing myself
to stay
awake

two days now

it's not
that I even want
to be
awake

when I am
conscious
my loneliness
and the
weight
of my
empty
soul
are exhausting enough
that I never
want to leave
my bed

yet
I force my eyes open
drink
my eighth cup of tea
strain
my body
and mind
to keep going
without
rest

I don't want
to dream
again

I can never
seem
to recall them
as of late-
however
the feeling
of what they were
their presence
still lingers
after I
wake up

the emotions
within them
randomly
stab my brain
while I am
awake

more often
than not
the leftover
remnants
of my forgotten
dreams
make me feel
worse
than my
waking
feelings do

I used to wish I had
another life

daydream
about living
without the stress of mine
"if only,
life had given me
better cards to play"

now, I'm just envious
of others
minds

it's not
the cards I was dealt
that are the problem-

it's the constant overlooking
of plays
I could have made
continuous mistakes
my own
personal
issues
preventing me
from turning out
on top

used to think
(still kind of do)
that everyone who was
"happy"
were just deceiving themselves

lying
telling theirself
that they were happy
so much so
that they
believed it-
using
distractions
to keep their misery at bay

now I realize
that thought
was quite a bit
of self-projection

how nice it would be
to have passion again
emotion
my outgoing nature

I've been dealing with her for years
which leaves me to wonder-
has my personality
just been
a fabrication
a mask that I've worn
to hide
depressions ugly visage?
have I worn it
so frequently that
I started to recognize it
as my own
reflection?

I don't know who I am anymore
though,
it's not like I ever have

I don't know what life is anymore
I've definitely
never known
what that's been all about

for the past six months,
(year?....)
(two years?...)
(my entire life?...)
I've only had
two states
of emotion-
dark blue
or
gray

dark blue
is when I am inconsolable
with tears
absolute misery
my soul
shattered
into a million pieces

dark blue
is when I have
panic attacks
over how horrible
of a person I am
lying
on my bathroom floor
choking on my own tears
choking on my own breath

gray
is
nothingness
something
horrible could happen to me
a job loss,
a heartbreak,
a loss of a friend
and I will experience
no emotion

like an empty
void
throw whatever the ****
you want in there
I promise you
there will not be any
reaction

gray
with random
and sudden
bursts of blue

not the most
excruciating pain
just the constant
dull
throbbing
of the grayish blue
bruise
that you're always
trying
to cover up

I will
never
go away

loving this **** ghost
who will never be alive
like drinking poison

only your essence
to haunt me every day
never the true thing

I want to feel warmth
not the absence of real love
paranormal dreams

men
only want
to have *** with me

that's it

gross

I am the
ugly sofa
on the side of the street,
frumpy
with
stuffing coming out
of my sides

forever damp
from the multiple times
it has rained
in the months
that I've been outside
waiting
for a potential
rescuer
to come
and give me a home

for them to sit on
lay on
have *** on

no
rescuer
to come
only
mold
mold
mold

some kids
decide it would be funny
to drag me
to their backyard

not the living room
I was thinking of
nope

not even
a roof
over my head
just
a place to sit
while they smoke ****
and laugh
and shoot squirrels
and drink beer
and ash their cigarettes on

oh well
what more
can a
moldy
frumpy
discarded
old couch
really hope for
anyways

old friend!
kind one,
smart one,
one with humor-
why does your mind
refuse to realize
that you cannot
keep up
with your
addiction
forever?

I am not asking you
to put down
the tinfoil
the pipe
the line
this instant

I know addiction
all too well

when it is in your grasp
when you have
your hand
on the ripe
red apple-
let alone,
your teeth
already sinking in
to the first bite-
it's nearly impossible
to release the
forbidden fruit
and climb down
from this tree

you have tasted
the knowledge
the sweetness
of the
fruit
and you will
crave it
now that you know
the brilliance of it

you are punishing yourself
you are hating yourself
you are destroying yourself
you are killing yourself
just realize
that

I will still love you
I will still be your friend
I will not
however
be around you
in your hazy
daze
after you have eaten
the fruit
of which you know you shouldn't

I promise you this-

if you
step away
from the tree
of sin

life
will begin
to look
different

find yourself
a spot
in the garden
of
life
far, far away
from the foliage
of
temptation

set up
barricades
to protect you
from the
snakes
enticing whispers
and let go

you will suffer
deeply
the first few days
without
your savory fruit
but within the week
you will begin to see
all else
this garden has to offer you

look at the way
the light dances
along the cave walls
from animals
that pass outside!

look at the way
the grass
flows
in the gentle breeze!
can you hear the wind
that is moving it?

there is so much more in life
than your addiction
so
much
more

right now,
it's got it's blinders on you

rip them off
don't let
addiction
ride you around
this garden
of life
telling you
where to go
what actions to make

be
yourself
love
yourself

no judgement
but for that
I ask
no excuses
only honesty

I am not asking you
to put down the drugs
this instant
just for you to realize
that this isn't your life
and that
you truly,
can't continue living like this