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Jazzy Oct 2017
The epicenter of my heart is thousands of miles away
Perpetually perched in the curls of your hair
On your chest as you sleep
In your coat pocket when you are out and about

While it feels heavy for me
I doubt that you even realize that it is there
So you go about your day
Completely oblivious to the fact
That you could, at any time, crush me
Currently on the other side of the world as someone I care for very much. I'm terrible at relationships as is. The distance only makes me worry more, but somehow we're making it.
  Oct 2017 Jazzy
Fireflies
She counts the cost of each grain before she buys
She robotically ignores things priced too high
She so badly wants the supermarket flowers
She places them back reluctantly as it's above her budget
I stare in dismay
I stare in annoyance
I complain takes forever to shop
I ramble how we can't buy the things I want
I realise that's all I ever did
I never stopped to realise that she is doing it for us
But all I hope is someday I get to buy her all the supermarket flowers she wanted.
I hope that someday I will take her to shop without her fearing of spending too much
Jazzy Oct 2017
Somehow,
You have
Excavated the tiniest crevices of my bones
Nestling into the cracks as comfortably as if you were born to sleep in them

Somehow,
You have
Crept into every quiet moment of my mind
Inhabiting my thoughts as naturally as if you were created to be in them

Somehow,
You have
Uncovered the center of my heart
Feeding my emotions as easily as if you were made to care for them
Started in March 2014 (lengthened and edited recently). More than three years later, I've figured out who this is about.
Jazzy Oct 2017
Dark brown eyes
So dark
They are almost black

I'd always yearned for a different color
A color like hers:
Clear Arctic blue
Reminiscent of the pristine glaciers that dot the place I lived in before I met her

She told me
That my eyes were special
And I asked her how that could be
When so many others have
The
Exact
Same
Color

She told me
That my eyes were the color of soil after a calming rain
Which is really just mud
But I loved it anyway

She could say the most terrible things to me
And I'd love them anyway
Because she said them

Which is funny,
Since she's never said
A single word
To hurt me

She knows that
I am broken
I am damaged goods
I am the unwanted crumbs at the bottom of the potato chip bag
Except that she would never say that to me

Instead she says
That I am perfect
And now
When I see Arctic blue
I don't think of cold
In a few weeks, this poem will turn 4 years old. It's about the first person I was ever in love with- a straight girl I was good friends with. I'd never felt that kind of emotion to that extent before her, though is unrequited love truly love? The both of us are now in separate, very happy relationships, but this piece still has a special place in my heart.
  Oct 2017 Jazzy
N
Small bumps on the road,
the orange light from the street lamps glow
like a midnight sun
and I fell in love with the girl beside me,
sleepy and lovely
with a scar underneath her chin -
a childhood souvenir because
she could never stay still;
her hair free and wild
like her.

And I'm looking at her,
feeling the cold wind on my face
though I've never felt this warm.

Stupid and spirited,
I know I will give her name as the answer
when years from now a child asks me
about my youth.

Old man Bukowski said:
The flesh covers the bones
and they put a mind in there
and sometimes a soul..
I believe God
poured and poured
all the glorious things on her
and gave her a hand-made heart of gold.

And maybe this isn't going to end well
and well, all of this is forbidden,
like the apple
but still sweet
so never mind the toothache
or the possible heartbreak.
This is an old piece I edited because I already found the girl I've been writing about all this time.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaJST4R9eog
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Jazzy Oct 2017
You will feel this way longer than you want to
Because who wants to feel this way?
It's hard to say how long it will take
For you to feel alive again

But you will, eventually
Don't you know that everything is temporary?
Love is ephemeral
But so is this pain

And one day,
I promise you,
You will be able to get out of bed
Without that heartache weighing down on you
Jazzy Oct 2017
I'm sorry
I wish I could be better
But I am so ******* selfish
And my art is more important to me than you are

So I will continue to use you for poetic inspiration
Squeezing
Every single drop of creativity
Every single word
Every single bit of happiness
Out of this
Until you leave
Or until I run out of words to write about you
And am forced to throw you out like a pen that's run out of ink
And find a new muse
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