I opened up recently, and it feels
This is the first time I can think of that I've turned to poetry out of happiness rather than anguish.
I just went back and read every poem I had ever written.
My conclusions were thus:
The thing that hurt me and caused me pain was never who I was, but rather the fear that people would see the real me.
Now, I have shown myself to all the important people, and life has gotten so much better.
I knew I couldn't be
but I never expected openness to feel this good.
My sexuality isn't something you get to determine.
Nor something you get to judge me for.
Nor something you get to passive-aggressively hate on.
My sexuality is, however, something wonderful.
It is fluid.
It is something I am discovering uninhibitedly.
There is no need to define it.
Plus, trying to define it is what has caused
me untold anguish in the past anyway.
It's rather peculiar how quickly people open up to me, given how much I keep bottled inside myself.
Thoroughly torturing myself with contemplation, I try to break through the mental barrier of who I am daily.
Years of norms that are anything but inclusive or supporting keep me held back, confused and feeling alone.
Someday soon I will be me. Someday soon they will see me.
I will not be
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,
and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you so quite new
my faith in life restored,
to know I can go on.
I've discovered who I am,
but fear has kept it hidden.
How will they treat me?
What will they say?
And perhaps more importantly,
will I ever want to take it all back?
*These questions and others plague me perpetually