I opened up recently, and it feels
amazing.

This is the first time I can think of that I've turned to poetry out of happiness rather than anguish.

I just went back and read every poem I had ever written.

My conclusions were thus:

The thing that hurt me and caused me pain was never who I was, but rather the fear that people would see the real me.

Now, I have shown myself to all the important people, and life has gotten so much better.

I knew I couldn't be
closed
forever,
but I never expected openness to feel this good.

It's rather peculiar how quickly people open up to me, given how much I keep bottled inside myself.

Thoroughly torturing myself with contemplation, I try to break through the mental barrier of who I am daily.

Years of norms that are anything but inclusive or supporting keep me held back, confused and feeling alone.

Someday soon I will be me. Someday soon they will see me.

I will not be
closed
forever.

I need
my faith in life restored,
to know I can go on.
I've discovered who I am,
but fear has kept it hidden.
How will they treat me?
What will they say?
And perhaps more importantly,
will I ever want to take it all back?

*These questions and others plague me perpetually

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
Just keep saying it.
It is OKAY.

The world will not end,
and you probably won't fail anyway.

Even if you did, there is always a backup plan.

Barring a backup plan, the world will keep spinning.

and...

in the catastrophically unlikely event that
our little planet stops going 'round,

you will no longer be.

That's a comforting thought, really.

That if anything were that bad, we wouldn't have to endure it.

Love is friendship set on fire
Nothing dimmer nothing brighter
Always rising ever higher
Than the one falling

Falling in love isn't easy
It may even be somewhat teas-ey
Please refrain from being queasy
Because you hear her calling

Calling in that lovely way
Makes you feel about to sway
To one above you need to pray
To keep yourself from bawling

Bawling for the improbability
Casting aside responsibility
Breaking the impossibility
That you could feel as I

Is it possible
that maybe, just maybe
you might feel the same way
about me
as I do
about You?

Am I crazy
to think that
You and I could actually be?
Well that is my dilemma,
seems to always be my dilemma.

I should stop
over-analyzing everything you say.
And simply act.

Let's just talk
Let's talk about life
and love
or maybe not.
Talking about love with you
might be awkward
But on the other hand
maybe awkward is
exactly what we need?
Maybe awkward can change
into something less
frightening.

I can talk through my
chest collapsing,
and my heart stopping.
I've done it before.
It's just like talking
about any other nerve racking subject, right?

After all, I’ve been told
that "anything can happen"
and "anything can be"

Countless poets before me
have declared, stated, or otherwise said
how everything is feasible
In this world of endless possibility,

So with that in mind,
and my mind hopefully far behind,
I will follow my heart.

Turn you're head to the left
And the right
Look all around you
Find beauty

Go play in the fall leaves
Jump in them
Throw them in the air
Find joy

Go to an apple orchard
Pick your lunch
Slowly bite down
Find flavor

Buy a plane ticket
Fly away
Talk to everyone you meet
Find friendship

Turn your television off
Sit
Close your mind
Find peace

Darkness closes in, yet light surrounds
Somehow
Confusion swallows my mind
My soul
Others laughing, loving
Not hurting, weeping
Not frustrated by inabilities of the heart
Of the soul
To reconcile beliefs with feelings
To find peace in chaos.
Which to lose?
The feelings, or the beliefs
Or both
Yes, both
Treat them equal.
Smash them to pieces.
Find a new way.
Black and white?
No
I'll find a third option
Search through the grey
Discover an alternative
Maybe grey will be correct
Maybe grey is
Happiness

Breathe in
Breathe out
Breathe in
Breathe out
Thoughts whirring in my head
cacophonous almost to the point that they can be heard aloud
Thoughts so perplexing,so upsetting
Reality is here
Decisions are here
Life is here.