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aviisevil Jul 2017
you're still as beautiful as the morning sky, the reason to my rhyme,

don't care about that many miles, i don't have any lines to combine,

words don't save you when you're blind.

i needed somebody and i found you,

so thank you for being there for me, when it was the time,

i'm so sorry that i had so much hate in me, that i wasn't right in my mind,

but i hope you're alright and everything's fine, you still smile-

and that you're closer to that place that you always wanted to find,

i know you have it in you to shine, bird, i know it now, i knew it then, when you were mine.  

so one of a kind, but i guess it's fine 'cause we are all designed to forget with time

and before i do, i want to say thank you before i forget you, and after all it's you,

so i don't have to say anything to you, for the laughter was true, as true as you was and I,

and i know you'll miss me too, it's a good-bye.
Let them fly.
aviisevil Jul 2017
Ingenious, that clever man is heinous, completely outrageously mental genius.

but again what's in the name if it's just a game and the dream is the genie in us

so rub yourself and pardon me, but learn to love yourself, stop guarding me.

the you in me is swallowing me,
the me in you is always following me, i
don't get how i can forget you're which part of me, *****.

i don't regret but if i could, i know, i would cut you out of me,
go ahead, give a head, see if i have a **** to give instead, for i'm just as dead but let them ghosts shout at me.

end the lie of me, i've had enough to see, and if i cannot be free i cannot be,
there's no end to me. you don't know anything about me.

because it's not about me.

it never was, it was me, i was lost, counting all my flaws, writing down in ink all their laws.

everything that they taught had some thing that was not alright,
but i could not stop because i did not have it in me to fight.

maybe i was a coward but that's how it works when you're used to the night.

the sun is too bright, you're confused by the light and the world, there are no words left to describe your hurt.

and you need somebody to hold you tight but it's just cold and you're old with no one by your side. **** that girl, right ?

the one who did not leave you alive.

left you down to drown into the sound of your screams that you dream every time your mind means to lean on what had been
but is not, because everything else has died. but you,

and you're still being nice. *******. all you care about is you, what about me ?

can't you see ?

i'm pretty, depressed, petty and obsessed with my thoughts suppressed caught in stress and it's hard to digest that i must ingest the mess of my nothingness,

my mind cannot rest, there's a world war going off inside of me, outside i'm lost on me, there's a god but maybe he's not aware of me, can somebody please take care for me ?

**** that, i don't need you here for me, i'm blessed and sold in my serenity, and i feel i must inject my-self with hell, if i want to get rid of me,
just for a moment riddle me, don't tell if can spell what's in-side of me, i'm so usually out-side of me, so foolishly wise of me, to have a doubt when it's not nice of me to trust you to trust me.

there's so much i do not speak, so much inside of me that cannot dream,
i do not sing well, but there's so much to scream, and nothing to tell to anybody.

well, that's not true for everybody, maybe i'm afraid, what my mama will say,
what papa will say, when i'll be nobody on my way, sitting in hell, meeting everybody.

but again what's in the name if it's just a game and the dream is the genie in us

Ingenious, that clever man is heinous, completely outrageously mental genius.
Bi-polar polar bear is bi-polar if he's a bi ?
aviisevil Jul 2017
my head is too light

         lights are too bright
         bright is the night
        
         somebody hold me
         tight
        
         for i know i'll wake up
         sad tomorrow







        
         no matter how much
         i hide,
         it follows;
        
         always by my-side
         somewhere back
         in my mind
        
         somewhere here
         black in my time
         even when
         i'm feeling fine

         stopping the world
         from reaching me

         there's no reasoning
         no season in
         when you're stuck in
         this place

         mesmerised by a face
         or stuck in a maze
         nor dead or amazed

         begging for a moment
         silent and kind

         away from this
         endless emptiness,
         and eyes blind
        
         there's so much violence
         that i cannot find,
        
         my voice in this noise
         of nothingness,
        
         that's brings me every
         night
         some circus of sorrow,
         and pain

         somebody hold me
         tight
        
         for i know i'll wake up
         sad tomorrow,
         again.
Depression is not fun.
aviisevil Jul 2017
Love is strange. It is even more stranger when you're a man. It's stranger than a woman's love. It's different than love of a parent for his child. It's different than almost any love out there. And it's because nobody really talks about it. Nobody is really sure because men are like that. We'll always be like that.


Because when a man loves he is ready to die, die for people who he has never met. Die for people he cares about. Die for nothing. Because a man won't love you with all his heart, no, that's not enough for any man i know out there. You see, unlike women, men love with all their soul. I know you'll stop me here for a moment and tell me that i am wrong and that a women loves as much as a man does, that there's no difference in the amount of love, because love is after all just love. I agree. All I'm saying is, it's different in its quality than quantity. It's a different way of loving and that cannot be untrue. For all there is, and all that has been said. There'll always be a difference between a man and a woman. It's the way it should be. Because they complete each other in ways they can't be on their own. A woman might love diamonds because it makes her feel beautiful. A man buys a Ferrari because he finds it beautiful. A subtle difference and a bad example. But a difference nevertheless. I'm not sure what I have in me that wants to express this part of me as I write this. Maybe it's because I am a man and i'm not made to understand the mechanism of love. I'll just love her if I find her beautiful and she'll be beautiful not because she is, but because I find her beautiful. That's the most simplest way I can explain how any man loves. Note there's still a hint of ego somewhere because a man will always love with all his soul and by extension, his ego will be there somewhere. That's not necessarily bad, it cannot be, anything which makes us human, makes us human. A woman will always entertain a mans flaw. A man will fall in love with hers. A woman has enough strength to leave somebody she may love. I don't think men can do that, a man, i think cannot ever leave somebody he loves truly. Even if he knows his presence is negative, that it would be better if he walks away, he won't. Because men are designed to fight till the end. Because he will fight for you, if he loves you, even when he knows he'll lose. That's how a man loves, and you know why ?, because he was to make a woman fall in love with him. If only that was easy.
I'm always unsure about my thoughts, and that's why I create.
aviisevil Jul 2017
i hope i find you someday
again.

walking down the street
as beautiful as the first day
again.

wearing same smile
world in your eyes.

bearing all this while
my reason to be alive.

i hope i find you someday
again.

walking down the street
and it's about to rain.

i hope i see you like that
once again.

i know then,
i'll remember your voice
for in the end,
i had no choice but to
delete you

and now after so many
years without you

i still don't have a clue
if there was any without you

for i can still feel you
in my arms

as if you never left
as if you have always been.

you were right here always
in my dreams,
walking down the street,
like we're still sixteen.

always.
aviisevil Jul 2017
*****, i cannot change it
if i could, i would escape this
you and me are outrageous.

i don't have it in me to fight
i feel so hated, i cannot take it
i hope i'll be alright.




lookin' back to the summer lovin' and selfishly countin' bliss,
i've been through a grimmer something, but never more than this,

how it all comes back to nothing, how do you ever escape from it ?
i see in the mirror, i see a grin and her hurting and it makes me sick

if you don't know what pain is, how do you paint it ?
how do you figure out a way to say you know what faded

how do you tell them that the pain inside you is dangerous
to keep them their distance or they'll be burnt pages
                                
tell them to stop sayin' it!




*****, i cannot change it
if i could, i would escape this
you and me are outrageous
so many different faces

been through so many stages
so true about them phases
the way they say it
it's all true ain't it ?

love is it ?

the way life out paces
and everybody just races
it never fails to amaze me
how much everyone has waited
to feel alive

lord, help me through the night,
if i could, i would escape this
i don't have it in me to fight

i feel so hated, i cannot take it
i hope i'll be alright.
aviisevil Jul 2017
:zone zero: :alone:


what am i doing back on the phone, back on the drone, i admit i am alone, like ozone
in the air and i don't care if you're aware i'm not in the zone,
sometimes i wish i could ****** my own clone,
i hate everybody and everything he owns,
when i'll be gone there'll be no one left behind to mourn,
i'll be just lost in death as i was alive, in my time i roamed,
all across my mind and galaxies as far as i could to atone,
for my insecurities and responsibilities, they don't gel well in a broken home,
suspectible to them sticks and stones,
don't be a **** if you've never had your mind-known,
there's a circus fit, the circuits lit, let the circle sit in the middle of the riddle that has your mind-blown,
you won't understand a single thing, if you don't linger in ink,
long enough for the seeds to be sown,
i have a shot attention span, so many thoughts hunt and spam,
everybody just running to please the known man on the throne
the screen is glittering with ****, enough to make me sick,
there are so many infected by it, soon i'll be one of this,
i can feel the delusions have grown, the more illusions are born
at every opportunity thrown out of the window to rot and be ******
and as i look out that window world still feels hot but too out grown,
i'm happy on my own in my zone. zero. hollow.


:one: :two many:

i hate you today i'll hate you tomorrow
i hated your love i'll hate your sorrow
there's not enough air left to swallow
i suppose i'll be dead alone and hollow

surely in my head where thoughts follow the reason to dread anything that's not impervious to change,
i mean, me and myself are pretty strange, petty and ugly out ranged,
not in frequency like the rest of them, not trained,
not tamed, there's something wrong in my brain,
so come along and become a song as you find a voice to sing and shame,
the person who died because you said it's alright if you see the light at the end of tunnel where i found myself staring at a mirror again,
i'm back where it all begin, in the reflection looking for a name,
but there's so much hate that i cannot wait to hate you more as i waste myself in haste to make myself the monster i became,
i won't blame your tastes but, you're just a lame luck, a shame bud,
and i gave you all you could take thus you took everything but the pain such,
left me alone and cold on my own with blame enough,
that all the love got flooded in flames and now i'm stuck,
with all this hate that's deep down and shut,
i feel like a clown and a ****, so tough, ready to combust,
i'll be awake from night till dusk, reminded that i must hate you till i bleed to dust.

:three: : i wasn't humble:

and i can find myself often in a situation where the words fumble,
and i tumble down under into another void, i have no voice,
so many times it would have been wise to surrender,
but i was open up wide and i chose to ride the thunder,
and now here i wonder, if all my principles were insane ?
if a good man is really that huge opportunity of nothing to gain,
is it okay to be strange ?, is it not okay to be changed ?
when everything is evolving around you how right is to remain the same ?
and i still wander, in the lane, where the fast one's run and rise
is it easier to become again who you became and other-wise,
there's nobody out there to welcome you to the other-side,
all side's are the same, if you can see the clues in blue light,
it never mattered if you cannot see the atoms in violence,
there's only silence where you fight-
sitting on your made up throne, wearing a crown of your broken bones,
sipping the wine aged by your tears, you made a kingdom yet nobody's here,
you don't even have the luxury of a broken home, and it's clear,
there's no time-travel and you have wasted so many of your years,
in need of a few eyes and ears, there's not much on me i fear,
i'm even worse than i am, when i'm near a mirror that's dear,
watching the reflections sing to me  before as i,

:four: :paradise:

paradise in a pair of dice, repair ice, build me frozen lies-
cold and soothing, a puff of smoke and the time flies,
nothing to check or choke, how the mind-flies, into unknown, where the blind man tries,
to see the world, to find and understand the words in his sight,
don't let go, we're plunging back to earth and i'll lose you if you don't hold my hand tight,
we'll never reach the sky, falling back to where the dreams die,
i don't want the light, i want the dark and the cold to hold me all night,
i wasn't told you'd have to earn the fun by setting fire to the paradise,
i'll set fire to the paradise, and we'll both burn in hell for an eternity,
there's no love for me in this city, i'd have to leave you by your side,
take away my vice, travel all the way away never sin and be nice,
so i can learn how to keep you in, read in ink, breathe and win,
every battle that i wasn't prepared when you looked at me and clicked your heels thrice,
it's not paradise, if you need to survive, i've only died like twice,
and a million times more only to come back alive,
it's not para-dise, if it can-not die.

:count to five: :be dead:

there's no brain in my head, every time i take a breath, i go back to bed,
it's hard to fight the loneliness when you're not well,
i go back to myself, strangle myself, angle myself from a high and jump,
my brain made me do so many stupid things that i became a joke,
now i don't suffocate when i choke, get high when i smoke,
turn the wheels when i walk, i talk stupid when i talk,
on purpose i sting and shock, close the doors, burn and lock,
all that i have learned is that i have turned into a clown,
with tears in my eyes and words on my lips,
enough stings to sing them something that brings them the bliss,

but they've to all go back before it's nine,

these *******' lovers are so hard to find, i don't trust them with all my mind,
end these times, with fake *** people and their feeble kind,
the **** gets deeper the more you grind, and it's ain't a hole if it's a *****,
take me for my rudnes but i can't be that blind,
i've seen the signs, i've served my crimes, don't look at me like you can't bear me,
like i'm so ugly that you don't even feel me,
i've been left behind, and now it's just me and sadness,
talking about how i'll never be fine, my heart's telling me it's my time,
that's it for me, world wants to get rid of me, i don't belong,
and every thought in my head feels so negative and wrong,
it's just the narrative, trust me it's many more times more strong,
it's so cold where i sit that i'm sure of it, i'm sure i'll freeze everything that warms,
so i never find myself not numb, i'm not that dumb, but i hope i never find myself  in your arms,
i hope you forget me, delete me, count to five and i'll be gone,
some people never get to build a home, for they're the storm,
everything comes and goes, they've come and gone, earned and known,
made whole and be torn, into a million pieces to be born again,
over and over again, until the wheels stop rollin',
the voices stop callin',
there's nobody waiting,
so start walking back to where you are,
the night is full of stars,
and the wheels are still rollin'
stop controllin' and you'll reach where you are,
the light is full of scars,
so switch off the lights, and the tears will stop falling,
there's nobody else strolling in the lanes where you find yourself today,
i won't be loved by nobody, until i dive into a grave some-day,
wearing black, everybody would come around to give respect that would have nothing to say,
nobody cares for you like you do for the man in the mirror night and day,
but the man in the mirror has someone else in his eyes all day,
so blind, enchanted by the shine, of an artificial sun,
that'll burn everyone if the reflection stays.


i've come and gone in so many ways, that now i'm just tired-
that it's the time i count to five, and burn my-self in the fire.
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