so I let you have *** with me
knowing this will lead
to nothing more than maybe a text
“see you again next week”

I let you have *** with me
so I can pretend
that when you hold my hand
it means the same to you as it does to me

and I let you have *** with me
and I let you have *** with me

made my bed for the first time since you left
now it’s easier to pretend as if
you’ve never laid your head beside mine
almost

i still can’t bear to look at the dishes
the ***** plates from our last dinner together
i hope they rot

the first time i broke a boy’s heart
i cried as i watched his love bleed for me
it poured out into my hands and still sticks to my hair this day
i smell its death in the wind

now, i break hearts with no pain, no remorse
i watch the light flee from their eyes and i no longer cry
what it’s like to be me?

feel nothing
create chaos
feel nothing

i don’t buckle my seatbelt
anymore

a sip of yesterday morning's coffee reminds me of you
cold and bitter and "what else would you expect"; you'd say
i keep drinking, knowing i could and should drink something better
but i don't, i can't, and i won't
this is life how i choose to make it;
an endless cycle of coffee I'll never drink when I'm supposed to, but will always finish

crooked teeth means crooked smiles
but perfect they are nonetheless
found a lover in a friend and that's more than okay
we don't have to promise each other anything
other than the night

it gets a lil lonely at the top
yeah i'm their number one to ****
but no one's number one to love

empty, i feel used
hurt me, not just sexually
break my heart one more time baby

tell me i'm ****
tell me i'm hot
but never beautiful or intriguing

i only fascinate your ****
i wanna be on your mind
****