the history of melancholia
includes all of us.
me, I writhe in ***** sheets
while staring at blue walls
and nothing.
I have gotten so used to melancholia
that
I greet it like an old
friend.
I will now do 15 minutes of grieving
for the lost redhead,
I tell the gods.
I do it and feel quite bad
quite sad,
then I rise
CLEANSED
even though nothing
is solved.
that's what I get for kicking
religion in the ***.
I should have kicked the redhead
in the ***
where her brains and her bread and
butter are
at ...
but, no, I've felt sad
about everything:
the lost redhead was just another
smash in a lifelong
loss ...
I listen to drums on the radio now
and grin.
there is something wrong with me
besides
melancholia.

we are always asked
to understand the other person's
viewpoint
no matter how
out-dated
foolish or
obnoxious.
one is asked
to view
their total error
their life-waste
with
kindliness,
especially if they are
aged.
but age is the total of
our doing.
they have aged
badly
because they have
lived
out of focus,
they have refused to
see.
not their fault?
whose fault?
mine?
I am asked to hide
my viewpoint
from them
for fear of their
fear.
age is no crime
but the shame
of a deliberately
wasted
life
among so many
deliberately
wasted
lives
is.

In this place , i find myself
In this case , i cry every time
While we share the same sky
We stare at the same moon
Why do i have to stay alone
In this lonely room
Am i right or wrong?
Or am i a fool
I've been strong
But this has brought me
To my knees
Tell me please
You're here to stay
Stay , oh stay
And never walk away
This painted wall
Seems so black
Remembering all those names
You would call
I need you back
And i'm sorry
Yes i apologize
If i could
Yes i'd turn it other wise
No , we can't turn back time
Through this hate
My careness for you can't shine
I'm sorry again
I'll be here
When you need me then

This letter  , i always wanted to write
This story i never wanted you to know
But not qiute
I'm feeling so low
And i know it's not right
I'll tell you know , so
This may hurt you , it might
I hate you , no
This may look like it from your sight
This may show
The truth tonight
I've cried a hudred times in a row
I know i'm not gonna win this fight
But remember those memories through
Everyday , rather than hold them tight
And i want this for you to know
You have a really bright light
So i want you here
To take the darkness away tonight

Broken into pieces , my heart
Those things of you , i never knew
Left alone in the dark
I never thought they were true
Everything you say
Every game you play
If i'd have you here , forever
Nothing better , you and me
Together
The weather
Colder than ever
Snow falls , white pure
Nowhere near
Your black heart
Drowning myself in the ocean
Getting too deep
I cant breath
And my heart skips a beat
Here and there
Despair
Things we never share
No one's here to blame
But everyone's here to claim
They're the best
But it ain't pure blood
Running through their veins
Cause they truly **** with their hands
This is not a safe haven
Murdered with no mercy
No one to share this heaven
Lonely in this town
Only to get me down
Lovely it is truly
Everything reminds me of us
Breathless
For some seconds
And i'm sorry for the ****** things
that you've done
I tried to apologize
Long before you were gone
In this time , this fragile line
These tears of mine
These lines that rhyme
This suicide a crime
These dreams dead to me
These things that  were not
Meant to be
Drunk and high
This lovely night sky
This perfect time to die
If death comes , wipe tears
Never cry
For the truth that lies
For this very last breath of my
My tired lungs
For this voice of mine , too shy
Too scared , it's shaking
That's why
Oh my
Goodbye

The mornings were beautiful
and the nights were lovely.

    That was when you were still here.

Now,

mornings are just sunlight beams
hitting my eyes forcing me to wake up
and nights are just the moon and stars
reminding me of you.

   Come back.

   I need my mornings and nights back.

   *I need you.

Beauty beyond compare
You have no love to spare
I hate it , but you no longer care
I lost you
I dreamt everyday
What do you do today
I've tried to get you back
I've tried every way
Falling from the roof
Of that lonely place , I call home
I've changed , you need proof
I need dope
Getting high
My neck in a rope
This ocean blue
I have not a single clue
Where you are , what you need
That hatred surrounding you
Is scary indeed
I'm not at all pleased
I wanna have your presence
Rather than your absence
Hold my hand
As I fall in this lake
But I know you don't feel guilty
For that mess you make
How many hearts you break
Please
Leave me alone
You getting my sanity
Away
Sweetie , your eyes taste good
But don't play
I know I can't get you off my head
I can only get you dead
But that's not a threat
How can I lose my soul?