it's been years now
but it's because of you
that i don't think i'll ever
look at potential partners
the same way
again

i remember
the breeze on my skin
and the texture of the blanket
i remember
letting you in
because i couldn’t say no
i remember
feeling disgusted
and asking myself what i was thinking
i remember
finding out the word for it
a word i had already known
a word i didn’t know i could apply to this
i remember
writing my first words about this
scared to share my pain
i remember
the first time i lifted my head
and said “me too”
i remember
the first time i told someone
scared that they’d think less of me
and now
i am beginning to come to terms
with what happened to me
and soon
i will remember
all of this
and i won’t panic or shut down

here we are,
i've found the center of the universe—
it is when you are beside me and suddenly
all the planets in their orbits are disrupted,
they run in circles the way my mind does
whenever you come around.
the trees dance and sway
to the rhythm of your hands,
for you are their favorite musician.
suddenly all the world's gardens bloom
in my heart, there is a flowerbed on which
you are invited to rest—
come here, be with me.
the sun's warmth transfers itself
into the adjacent stars below
your forehead
upon which the moon plants a kiss every night,
because it loves you so.
and the wild seas would never dare
to bring tears of salt into your eyes,
the darkest storms would never dare to steal your light,
and here i am,
looking at you,
peering at you curiously,
feeling as if
i could travel every corner of the world.
now, will you please continue to map
the way to you for me?
let me know, and i will follow.

We're almost touching.
we were walking side by side,
you're talking about cabs in your hometown.
I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers
whispering "it's alright."

We're touching but not quite.
you held my shoulder to protect me from the passing cars.
and for the first time in a long while, I felt so fragile.
In this world where I find it hard even to breathe,
you believed me.

I almost said it.
All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you.

I want to find home in your collarbones.
Would you be kind enough to let a stranger in?
I want to seep in your being because I'm cold.
The world is harsh and my cracks are aching.

Almost.

galaxies of freckles
stippled across skin
stretch marks
made of outreaching nebulae
eyes like stars
and minds holding
entire universes
children of the deep
made of stardust
and dark matter
and yet some find themselves
imperfect

i. deep hazel eyes
dark brown hair
reasonable and kind
the earth
grounded and content

ii. glowing pale skin
freckled galaxies
emotional and gentle
the stars
floaty and unsatisfied

iii. lightyears apart
the other
always in view
never to be touched
a deep yearning

iv. long distance love
flames
with only the hope
of an eventual meeting

have you ever noticed
how i live for your texts
and the joy of our conversations?
i don't know if you have -
i can hide things better than i used to.
you intrigue me
and make me smile
(though i haven't figured out
your sense of humor
yet)
and i hope i make you smile too.
you're one of my favorite people -
i think you've noticed that by now.
when i'm not smiling
you comfort me
and keep me from doing anything
particularly stupid
and i'd just love to know
which angel i pleased
so that i've been blessed with
you.
have you ever noticed
how i put you before me
and worry about you
and care
just a little too much?
i'd think you have -
that,
i make no effort to hide.
you once called yourself
a demon
and i disagree -
you're a guiding angel
sent from heaven,
and, for some reason,
you were sent to
me.
have you ever noticed
how i'm falling so hard
and just daring to hope
that you,
with your halo
and your golden wings
and your gentleness,
will catch me
before i land.