My Self love

will be the best love...

...but your love

was the worst drug

god !!!
I COULD USE A CIGARETTE RIGHT
now !!!

Sweet girl
I feel i must tell you that the worst is not over
But you are cold and steely
Churning and relentless
even in mosaic bits.
And you will slip silently into places you have not want nor have been.
You will at some points be nothing but a reflection of your own pain.
And you may hide from mirrors and even food will lose its taste
And comfort
And you will fade and think a
Hundred million times
I am broken
I am less than ...
Because falling into the abyss is a cold fighting wait
So cold you may not be but numbing ache
So cold you will lose yourself to sharp words
Stripping you right off your hollow bones
And you will lose all your hope and love and life
And laughter will be scorched right out of you by scornful looks
And you will be torn through by hands so gentle as to have loved you once.
And over and over  you will let them .
If only for the hope of the touch of something warmer
Every bit torn exposing more vacancy inside where something important used to hide.


Sweet girl
I feel i must tell you
Do not forget then
That the woman standing on frigid waters
Edge cursing and red
Is not but twisted picture angry sister of all that's loved you
Of your mother
And your friends
While she holds your head just above bleak motionless surface
Only long enough to paint you worthless
In the words she sings you in
remember then, sweet girl the legs your mother had born you in
Legs made of stone and electric grace
pedestals made to carry you to safe distance at swift pace
’pedestals
To lift you to your highest self
Even under the incredible weight of this disappointment and pain the nothing ringing out of everything of this disdain weighing  inside you
You will be strong enough to walk the distance
Brave enough to endure
Until you
Are caught unexpected not by the sharp demise you hear echo in your mind
but by the soft sweet echo of someone who loves you more than you can imagine
You will be aching and breathless and born again
In love with your persistence and patience and paint yourself courageous brighter than anyone ever said
Because you proved it when every time you died you lived.
No death nor hate or pain of disdain can hold you down no yearning heart not or wanting can stand you still you will sing yourself  creator of your universe
You will love all that brokenness all those anxious moments and scars for what they are because it takes every scrap of things to build yourself up.



When you finally see yourself
You will find you burn so deep and bold and wider still
than the bits of the girl that died inside
Sweet girl
I feel i must tell you
The fall you have taken will be the longest you have lived.
At all angles there is wind
That hurts
But sweet girl do not flinch
You will be the strongest then
You have ever been.
The strongest yet you have ever seen.

you are angry at the world
because you expect things to change
without taking action yourself