Darling,
there are a few things that I often wonder,
distracting me from my daily schedule,
confusing me with each question about you, that I stumble.
I want to know *all about you,
is that something you could render?

How could somebody so precious,
be so broken?
Somebody so sincere,
feel so much pain?
Somebody so innocent,
be left so heartbroken?
Who in their right mind would do something so horrendous to somebody,
who has been in so much vain?

You draw,
and I love it,
but why does your drawing only limit itself to your flesh?
Why does your inner self feel so scared to be expressed?
Why don't you give a chance?

You know that my gentle touch to your soul will be caressing.

I love you
and I could never say these things to you,
but loving you has been a pleasure.
Will always be the best feeling to me.
I could trade the whole world,
and still choose you over.
If
and only if,
you'd give me a chance.

Oh darling,
try giving me a chance?
You would be the happiest man at glance.
I would love you like I do today,  
tomorrow,
and till time ends,
Be your constant till your last breath.

We wouldn't be complicated,
I wouldn't be anything like your past.
I would give you everything that you really deserve,
love you with all that I have,
only because I want to be your last.

Darling,
we would be the power couple,
the ones who grow together,
all you have to do,
is let me in,
and
just give me a chance.

Try me, my darling.
'Being the matutine, and the night isn't that hard,
we could still interlace'
and maybe,
just maybe,
be seen together,
happily on the card?

                   ~kc
                     16.2.17
                     1:37AM.

because i believed you
because i never realized how brown your eyes really were until i had the courage to stare
because you told me you were happier this way
because i don't feel suicidal when i'm with you
because you wanted me to meet your mother
because you never ask me what's wrong
because you don't care about anything
because i wanted to know what would happen
because i was too scared to ask
because ******* for leaving the first time
because i love you for coming back
because you only ever touch me when you're drunk
because his lips didn't feel like yours
because he made me laugh but not the way you could
because of 3 am nights with you are all i want to remember
because 3 am nights without you sit in the middle of my chest like a boulder
because my father warned me
because i can't do it anymore
because i can't do it anymore

i would
live
or
die
with a
single
word from him,
but i
have to
act like
i can
live happily
without a
single
word from him

Life's become a lot like laying down... Laying down not because I'm sleepy  or exhausted, but because I'm tired in a way that's quite different from the norm.

I lay down, and everything seems to fade into obscurity. The light is hazed, and the background of my white ceiling is shadowed by my second sun.

This state, this sort of stasis, doesn't end when I have to get up. Everything is endless, and I don't know when I'll feel something. Days go by and all end the same.

It's like I've fallen down a rabbit hole, and I haven't hit the ground. My voice is weary from screaming and my eyes have gone dry. Every day I fall deeper and deeper, yet I haven't hit the bottom.

I'm tired of waiting. My life's always been about waiting. Waiting for love, for happiness, for success. I'm not waiting to hit the ground anymore. I'm just being. I am, I am, I am. I am tired.

While I've been spiraling into demise, I've realized a lot of things. Being stuck in this oblivious life gives me a lot of time to think and reflect. This way of living makes a mirror of a man. I no longer see only one shade of gray, although I would like to see some color.

I've been trying to change, I've been trying to live, and be happy. I've been blessed with beautiful people that care for me, but this is my battle, and I don't know when it's going to end. And it's not going to end with me having waited.

I can tell you the world is wrong. Good things don't come to those who wait. I have been waiting years, and the only good thing I've gotten was wisdom. Not the kind that comes from a spiritual awakening. The type of wisdom you get from being beaten by the world and surviving.

Now, I'm no starving child, but I might as well be dead.

I can't seem to live outside my head.

This fall is infinite, and I won't wait for the end.

if tomorrow never came
would you still wait for the sun to rise