dear so and so

my preteen years were ******* me. i had a lot of pressure during school because i felt like i didn’t belong. i felt excluded most of the time and the students in my class made sure that i got the message across. i was already uncomfortable with my body image and struggled with my weight and eating. i didn’t look like the girls in my class. they were shorter and weighed less than 130. Talking to strangers online made me feel comfortable in myself. and when i started talking to you. it felt really nice to know you liked me. but i was stupid enough to think you just liked me for me. you only liked me because i was vulnerable enough to show you my body. my bare self. i was 12.
you were grown enough to know what you did was wrong. you were old enough to vote. old enough to live on your own. i think you were the first among many men that i confused about them liking me when really they just wanted my body. so thank you. for molding my mind thinking if i showed some boy my *******
or *** that i could convince them to like me as well.

I miss you and it’s 3:40 am I’m thinking about you and I’ve cried almost every moment my head hits the pillow and every moment my eyes wake up dreaming about you. I hope you’re okay. I wonder if you got to bed on time or got enough to eat throughout the day. If you had trouble at work or if your parents are okay. If your sisters are doing alright and your niece being happy as ever. I wonder if you’re okay and getting better. I miss the way you use to make me laugh when I didn’t want to smile. When you were there for me. I wish I can hold you tightly and tell you everything I love about you. So here I am crying, around 3:41 am, missing every piece of you.
-sweet dreams my love

She sits there patiently waiting for him to notice and when he does she bathes him in beautiful care and love, everything sugar and nice. But by the end of the day she’s exhausted and worn out and wanting nothing but the same in return.
Instead she’s in her own filth covered with tear stains and broken hopes and dreams. Praying that something will change she’ll get a chance to feel less empty or less like a burden to this world.

Meaning many different things
my glass is empty pour me more alcohol.
This house is empty.
My heart and soul feel empty

Soft whispers escape your lips , the lips of the man who said he’d tore out his heart and wrap it in my arms.
Words strangling the deepest breaths hidden within me, please stop making me vulnerable. But your lips cascaded with gentleness mixed with intoxication , I’ve never felt so alive in my being.
Memories like those make me not want nostalgia
The eyes I stare into fill me with emptiness ,
No one can fill my ocean

Should I feel the sudden feeling of regretfulness? The fact I showed my bare self to you.
My whole being.
But it’s nothing but a memory now, one I wish not to forget. I can not contain the bitter screams pulling me down.
I haven’t been talking for awhile , possibly it’s the best to keep my cries locked up.
Oh I beg you dear love, do not forget about every special moment I had with you.
Is it wrong I don’t wish to love you?
I do not wish to care but I do. Yes I do.
Stop ignoring my cries , look at me. Look at  me with those eyes, eyes that can stop thunderstorms.
green hazel eyes I wish to stare into. Don’t go for I am not ready to say goodbye. Forever

Pass the glass of water I beg you for I cannot get rid of this excruciating pain upon my lips
Once those lips of lies brush against mine I could feel the ****** cries of young women's hearts breaking, I could feel every single word you've spoken
Twisted words , slurred by a young boy like yourself.
Do not come back for it is not I that caused this agonizing pain among us
Bury me alive for I do not wish to love any longer
For I have loved a person whose lips belong to those of a sinner, pray for forgiveness
One day our lord will come and he will repeat these words as I am writing down
"Why did you lie"

Why is it that certain songs make me think of you?
The tune? The chours? perhaps the lyrics.
My walls break down and I lay there speechless completely defenseless. You know me so well how could I ever resist you.
Another night in, wondering if you're okay, but at the same time not caring, you call , same time as you did the night before.
It all comes crashing down.
Making everything worse.

Is a question that haunts me from sleep
How can someone not control the tretchious pain of regret , remorse?
Almost as if someone were to wake up by lies being shouted in their ear drums
Echoes of the lies you've sung to me bounce off the walls
But do not shout over my cries
What do you expect for the outcome of ones stupidity the reaction is unbearable
I would rather drink cold coffe than to see you everyday
I've made a list of things that make me cry
Your name is at the very top.
At night I can't help but think how much I miss you
Tomorrow I'm a different person
The love I had for you has changed never in ones being has someone hated another so much
Just wait for tomorrow .