I have found my loop
Where days radiate strange
And nights are my greatest fight
And I talk to myself
Solve strife from the safety of mind
Mindless monstrosities make their presence known
What would you find?
If you crack from brow to spine the shield to my mind
Take a look or advert your gaze
What did you see in the primordial rage?
The beginning act of the final stage
Tearing down the internal slaves
Cries from the core reach ears full of scorn
And behind fiery eyes a mind left behind
Empty temples and abandoned tables
A shattered scepter and crown with no home
Eyes reaping what they've sown
Seeing hellfire and brimstone
The tears flow
Rivers grow
Collecting on the landscape
White with marked lines words intertwined
These are my shrine
My abstract lines
They smear the mind and are a sign
Sight to the blind
The mute utter rhymes
while these costly crafts leave me behind.

I have lost myself,
While trying to be someone else,
Someone I can not be,
Something I can not do
I lost the peace, once I had
I lost the good in me
I lost my identity
I lost my personality
I don't know how to get it all back
I don't know how to get the old me

I could get use to
The sound of your sweet, sensual, mesmerizing voice swirling in my head
Getting to know what we feel and want without a word being said
Forking on the table then tightly wrapping my arms around you while spooning in bed

I could get use to
Holding your hand listening to a bird symphony as the setting sun colors the sky
Massaging your mind, rubbing your back, rubbing your low and rubbing you high
Making crazy love to you till the neighbors hear your passionate cry

I could get use to
Opening the book, seeing your face, reading your messages and entering your daily chat
Admiring your beauty night and day, imagining you in nothing but stilettos and cute hat
Playing with your pets, throwing your dog a bone and stroking your ***** cat

I could get use to
Cooking you a special dish and treat and tickling your taste buds with my special honey
Sharing our feelings, dreams and fluids making us giddy, lucid and dizzy
Hovering in your head, swimming in your soul and bewildering your body

I could get use to
Playing board games with you, especially the one that we lay out on the floor
Letting you win, giving you the needed power to say more, more, more
Learning new things, the kind I can’t speak of but will show behind a closed door

You said sadness is just a phase and I tried to believe you  
But like all the words you gave me wrapped in flowers
Soon withered and died along with the words that once spoke true
You said that emptiness is just a phase
Like all the mundane things we did when we were young
I will forget how it feels like to be so hollow that I can feel the wind going through me
But see, I never forgot about the mundane things you and I did
In fact, they’re the ones I remember the most
And to this day, no matter how many sweaters I wear
I still feel so cold as if I just swallowed the iceberg that sank the Titanic
Along with the ship full of people awaiting their deaths
And Jack and Rose
You said that this is for the best  
And when I asked why, you said my questions are just a phase
And you changed the topic so fast as if I never brought it up
It’s been 678 days and I haven’t got the ‘because’ to that ‘why’
And I’m still living in this phases that should’ve been over by now according to Science
I still hear your voice saying ‘it’s just a phase’ and I’m still trying to believe you
I can’t stop believing in you because I don’t want to wake up one day
At 4am with a heavy heart, realizing the fact that
for you, I was just a phase too.

In my entire existence on this earth
I have learned that I don't do too well with people
Yet, I wish to protect the people
Provide the people a a sanctuary to call home
Where they can laugh as a team and family
As brother and sister
Mother and daughter
Even father and son
And when I die
Cause I will die
I wish to die a honorable death
Knowing I spoke out for the people
For those under every bridge
Within every tree
And inside every home
Then I shall smile
Leaving this world knowing I made a difference
For the good and soon the better