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Putting a shell to my ear
I listen to the ocean.
Activity becomes no mind
no mind becomes activity.
She's a promoter
I finally met her
Already forgot her name
But her look
Speared me
Is this why she's successful?
Life offers no real advantage to anyone.
Even the rich and powerful bleed and die
which brings some comfort to the poor and weak.
Every day we wake up
to an enormous jigsaw puzzle
containing billions of pieces
but missing the most essential.
Vainly we struggle to complete it
so we can think we master reality
as if our brains are really
that intelligent or we that important.
Of course, we fail and curse god
because it couldn't be our fault.
Life is ordinary and few people
can admit that to themselves,
although I have noticed that those who do
are happier than those who don't.
Forget perfection: the perfect job,  
the perfect lover, perfect ***, perfect anything.
It doesn't exist and the pursuit
will waste your time and
plunge your heart into darkness.
Try to be a bit humble
in this obnoxiously haughty world.
Consider the inevitable shortness of life
and revel in its imperfections.
Notice the drunken Indian, the hungry children,
the innocent murdered masses who have always been,
but accept that evil and destruction
have stalked the land hand in hand since Man began.
Do what little you can and forget blame.
Try to forgive ******, Stalin, **** Cheney
but remember your own sins, too.
Lift up your fractured soul and
let it sing a mortal song about how time
passes like a gentle, sweet,
nearly imperceptible breeze.
Be thankful for your breath,
take a deep one and move on.

  ~mce
I'm still in love with you.
Except, I don't know how to be.
Or how not to be.
I think a stupid part of me will always love you.
I think a stupid part of me will always be yours no matter how many times I've asked for it back.
I can lie to everyone, lie to myself, until I'm here in bed alone asking myself why I can't be alone without you in my brain.
Every part of me misses you.
It's my ***** little secret, I suppose, but
You were my soul mate.
You were supposed to be my happily ever after.
My dork in tinfoil with eyes like the ocean.
The eyes that held me behind bars for so long, terrified to move.
I want so badly to be a part of your life again,
I want so badly to be everything to you again.
I want so badly for you to miss me like I miss you,
But I guess it was all in my head.
The four years that we spent together an endless nightmare of the wait for the end.
And you ended it.
I so badly want for the words "I can't do this anymore" to be erased from your memory like a daydream you lost track of.
I want you to love me.
I want "I love you" whispered in my ears again.
I want you to be sick over the fact you lost me.
I don't think you're sick over the fact you lost me.
Our love was a sick game of loving too much and having too little.
I love you so much.
Good God I'm pathetic ehh?
Your eyes like the ocean, like the waves, like the sky, like a nice blue sports car. Things that are beautiful in passing, but are dangerous up close.

Danger. Loving you was danger.

You set me on fire, burning my body, burning through my brain. Passionate fire, then hot fire, then ******* I'm actually hurt fire. I still have the scars.

What I'm left with is dark and empty, unable to love another. Whispers on wind of what we used to be, secrets. I wasn't made to be a ***** little secret. I'm not your ***** little secret.

I loved you. All consuming love. Love like only a 17 year old knows. Love like only an 18 year old can hold. Love like only a 19 year old can endure. Love like only a 20 year old can let go.

I used to be sick over it. I used to wait for it. And now I've let go of it. Rain from the gray skies that are so like your eyes in the dark. Rain washes away everything I've remembered.
Where were you yesterday
I was in the woods with Jimmy
And what were you doing there
Well first he asked me to take my knickers off
Did you
Yes I did , he has such a nice smile
Did you see his thingy
What's a thingy
Have you never seen a thingy
How could I have done ,
when I don't know
What on earth is a thingy
Have you any brothers
No , but does that matter
Well you would have seen one for sure
Look if I don't know what one is
How would I know if I've seen one
I'll have to tell you
We don't have one
Because we are girls
O.K. we don't have a thingy
Will we have one each
When we grow up
Ugh ! I don't jolly think so
Who'd want one of those horrid things
Alright you've got my interest in a whirl
What do they do with them
MMM , they use them for wee weeing
Is that it ,for wee weeing
So it's like a hosepipe
Well yes but smaller
Why have they got one
And not we girls haven't
Don't know
I've just realized
Did he take his trousers down
No why should he
Don't know
But why did he ask you
To take your knickers off
Easy , he wanted the elastic
to make a catapult.
.
                                 Planet
                           ***** Planet
                         ***** Planet P
                        enis Planet Peni  
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                           Planet *****
                 Planet *****      Planet *****
            Planet ***** Pla net ***** Planet
       ***** Planet ***** Planet ***** Planet
         ***** Planet Peni s Planet ***** Plan
               Planet *****         Planet *****
You were a great person and a great pharmacist.
You were killed in cold blood and you will be missed.
You were murdered because of some Oxycontin.
You're dead but you won't be forgotten.
It's sad to know that you won't be coming back.
Your life was taken away by a sick maniac.
Being killed because of some pills was evil and low.
Many people loved you and we all hated to see you go.
Now your family and friends are forced to say goodbye.
I really liked your pharmacy and you were a nice guy.
Dedicated to Stephen Lovell who was murdered two years ago today by Jason Bryan Holt on May 23, 2013.
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