“I’m accepted!!” she squealed.
“I knew you would be,” he said, almost sadly.

She went giddy with tenderness and threw her arms around his neck to kiss him on the cheek but he’s so tall she had to go up on her toes and ended up off balance, he moved his head into her motion and their lips connected in an actual kiss.

He clutched her to him, lifting her sneakers off the ground. With her mouth covered by his and her body clamped against his and not even the reassurance of the ground beneath her feet, the determined impulse that had propelled her to kiss him collapsed into alarm and claustrophobia.

He seemed to have gone automatic and muscular, driven by instinct. She writhed to get free, and for a second, that seemed longer, she thought he wouldn't let her go. she twisted, arching her back, and the movement seemed to wake him. He dropped her so suddenly she stumbled.

“Sorry,” he said, breathless, holding up his hands as though to prove he was unarmed. “You surprised me. I wasn’t ready.”

She tried to steady herself. “It’s OK,” she said, wiping her face and standing back up.

We looked anywhere but at each other. It was a crazy few seconds.

“I gotta go,” he said in a rush, picking up his backpack and almost leaping out the door. She heard him take the two flights of stairs in 4 long steps and the front door closed.

“Is Frank staying for dinner?” her mom called from down stairs.

She didn’t answer right away.

After that things with Frank were odd, strained - she tried to talk to him - more than once and texted him two dozen times. How do you undo a kiss mistake if you can’t talk?

I think he’s into you.
Why didn’t you talk to him?
“I was trying to make a good impression.”

I’d like you to feel how it feels.
We could share the experience,
or you could own it, be the boss of it.
Like always.

I was angry, I didn't mean what I said.
I was happy, I didn't mean what I said.
I never know what to say to you -
what exactly you want, moment to moment.
Like always.

I don’t think it was me.
I figured out what I didn’t want.
I didn’t want you.
For always

Who are you? Self awareness is very tricky.
You’re very complicated, we all are,
people are the most complicated things
we encounter in our everyday lives.

Now imagine two complicated people together.
We manage this complexity by limiting each other,
with social contracts, to limit usurious behaviours.
If we abide by the contracts things are simplified.

Part of that is being polite - you don’t want a complex,
bank teller, dentist or policeman - our society runs
on simple transactions - perhaps 10 for each of us daily.

The wild card is emotion - that’s why *** is so tricky.
Do you want to depend on an emotional doctor
or be stopped by a really emotional policeman?
I think not.

I always get up early. Early, early, early and it’s Saturday morning. So I scooted over to “Donut Crazy” and got myself 12 sugar donuts (and a selection of treats for my suitemates - I’m NOT suicidal.)

At 8am, I’m in the suite common area, on the couch, binging “Ladybug and Cat Noir” on my iPad and I realize that Leong, one of my suitemates, is sipping her coffee and staring at me like I’m a bad pet. I look around to find myself sitting in a shower of confectioners’ sugar speckles.

“In my defense, I was left unsupervised.” I disclaim.

Yes, you have a hot boyfriend,
but I have a deluxe pizza
and I think we all know
who’s winning.

ring* ring (A Facetime call)
Mom: “Hey ***, what’s up?”
Me: “Well, let’s see..
“We have an armed law enforcement that’s scared of the civilians they police.
One political party so corrupt it’s no longer interested in serving the people.
Half the population ignores the one real power mankind has - science.
Hackers shutting down pipelines, schools, hospitals and companies.
News networks that are allowed to just make up lies as “news”.
Half the population that’s determined to be uninformed.
Social media is destroying the minds of our children.
A political party that encourages its followers to die.
A world that’s quickly poisoning itself to extinction.
Religions that endorse obvious liars and guns.
An economy that depends on our self doubt.
Foreign enemies manipulating our elections.
A supply system on the verge of collapse.
A party encouraging resurgent racism.
A badly neglected infrastructure.
Inflation starting to heat up.
A near endless pandemic.
And a **** culture.”

Mom: after a moment of silence

“Have you been reading the news again? You KNOW you tend to obsess.”