for just this moment
i think i could
stay here forever
and that would be ok

as long as there is music.

that the moment has arrived
where the original ideal of
the a m e r i c a n  e x p e r i m e n t
has hit right up against
the ability of humanity to reach
that height and create
that reality.

.we have failed.

i don't know how
to get to you,
and i'm sorry
  you hate my guts.
i wish i was enough.
i really do.
i wish i wasn't whatever it is
that makes you go away from me.

...because what else could it be?


***.
i can suddenly see the menu
   of my hidden moves
and unlocked weapons.

and now i am armed.

i'm* in it to win it
you fool man
seeing what you cannot
holding tight the thread
of possibility
not ready to let it go
look into my eyes
see the truth reflected there
feel the ferocity of my love
a shelter and a storm
unable to release a cold fear
              you are weak
but i am strong
because i know
  time is not on our side
i can bite back fear
for the sake of
every moment i can save
every day i can spend in the sun with you.

abandoned is the hope
clothed in innocence
never to return.

my heartbreak is
an exquisite
python

veins purple and
all the parts see
and all the parts feel

and something
sweeter than *****
or deeper than
crimson

and all the stars
and all the scars

a beautiful map
i feel a
circle in
the center

pulling tightly
in, like the
invisible ***
the transit
of a sin
wife of
melancholy

overt the
sublime and
aftertaste
blow the
smoke out and
smite me
bite me
fantasize me

even the outside
obtrudes
and is
generally inspired

it is my
graduation
*******

the horse of
the hegemony
has let us go

i don't know if
he's hiding in
the yellows

or riding
the green grass

and each
shadow whisper falls
in a cylone of
wit and reverie

a world of your choosing
a tower of
ecstasy spikes
and cloudless
sisterhawks roll

i can see where all the words
are supporsed to be
but you must trust me
even if some of the letters are wrong

sympathic geometry
when the sounds
come out nice

and i can see the
depth of
my treachery and it
is wild and blue.

sometimes
you just have
    to size up
the man.
(silence)
   eyes moving slowly
*i can take you.

certain songs
   suddenly break back
the warm sound of you
   the heavy golden light...
the electric heavenly air
   ...and i just want to go back
more than anything
   *i want to go back.

power song flowing
      like a bat out of hell
(free)
guitar fingers screaming
    eyes burning like fire
find mine
       (cool and wide)
body joined to the rhythm
scream that ****
   i hear you
look here
          (i see you.)

i am the foundation.*

i am the
b a s e [bass]
   you build
            worlds upon.

[because not everyone understands what i mean,
though it's obvious to me]

when i say
"you are beautiful"
the meaning
depends on the
[context]
if you know
(and everyone around you knows)
you are a striking
shining
beautiful woman
then i mean,
"you are beautiful."

if you are a person
that has just
spilled their guts
their art
done some
amazingly selfless
act
then i mean
"you are *beautiful."

however,
if i'm speaking
to you*,
and i say
"you are beautiful"
i am saying it
in a
g a l a c t i c
                      |cosmic|
(cellular)
e l e c t r o n - like way

i am saying
that thoughtful look
that comes across
your face
lives in
my heart

i mean
that when i see
your body
i
temp
orar
ily
lose
my
breath…
and my first instinct
is to pour
glitter gold glory
over
you
which would
bring me to tears

when i say
(those words)
i mean that
your neurons are firing
in perfect time
that every decision
you make and
emotion you
reveal
is
right

for you alone
- these words -
s t r e t c h and
enfold
and include
trust and love and
judgement
without these
[there is nothing solid]

i don't call you
an     a i r y    beauty
or a flameless cute or
a lone handsome
your brain connections have
shown themselves to
be level
calm

you are beautiful
because i said i
wanted to give you
something
    and you said
       you already had everything
  and i knew in that moment
             that you meant those words

you are beautiful
because your voice
was made for me alone
to hear my name being said…
   so that it sounds like a drum

you are beautiful
in the blue
        of your eyes
   and the little part of
      your ears
the corners of your mouth
   the softness of
your hair
the hardness of
              your thighs
   the strength in
    your arms
the sureness
          in your chest

my beautiful one
i only want you to know
    that since i found a
beautiful
      cosmic
   ethereal man
like you
  i want you for myself
      i want to show you the way

if others have failed
   to see you for who
you are
     then they are
vile creatures, indeed

when i say
you are beautiful
   i mean i see the creator
                  in you
       the spinner of reality
   who deftly grabs his
warped or broken world
         and shapes it anew
without leaking dark bitterness
onto others
      while plucking strings
   and summoning images
            from the wild vastness
of imagination

you have caught my
eye     my
      ear      my
            body
wild one

in your presence
i listen and i connect
       i watch and i remember
              i feel every touch to the core

in the stillness
these words bombard me

because i could never
say this to your face -
   i would sound
    like a silly
          over-emotional
                   unstable
girl.

so instead i lamely say,

"i really like you."
"you are beautiful."

but believe me,

i am no girl.
i am not silly.
i am not over-emotional.
i am not unstable.
i am simply a poet.

i see, i feel, and the words come.
these words are true and rather
   un-emotional at times
        more like scientific facts
being fed from the environment
     and filtered through my senses
             my brain
                     my chemicals
and spit out in
data called poetry.

here is the data regarding your beauty.
interpret it as you will.

i either wanted to so i did,
or i didn’t want to
and therefore,
didn’t?

there is very little wanting
and also doing
but a lot of
not wanting
but still doing

i don’t want to want.
i don’t like it.

i like not wanting

and just being
     (instead).

crown jellyfish,
i want you for my own,
to constantly float and hover
on my ceiling.

it seems to be too much to ask
the transparent glory
the delicate tendrils
the secretive nature

why do you want to hide
in the seas?
predator and prey
instead of being
a distraction for me?

i want you to go against
your nature
remake your breath
forego your nourishment
and glow for me, instead

why is the world
so unyielding,
crown jellyfish?
so inflexible and unkind
sticking to its earthly rules?

for me you would be
a thing of beauty
not just a creature
trying to survive

but this cannot be so
instead i must mimic you
use you as inspiration
and create new
t h i n g s

it's a shame, really.

i don’t know
   how to say
i can see the underlying
structure of too many things

it’s just
that i know
how quickly
things can
     go s o u t h

i have never
     been so c e r t a i n

there is no one
      (for me)

new layer
duplicate layer
link layer
hide layer
flatten layer

yet the only true layer
is the transparent layer.

some of these things are
so fleeting
you would never believe it.
and i can see the tether to
reality become questionable
because n o t h i n g
can be believed.
not | one | thing.

i've had
    mouth spaghetti
now
i can never
go back.

i mean,
***** just landed.
don't even know
how
i got here.

you aren't allowing
h e r
to "have her say."

therein
lies the rub.

red eyes
missing eyes
weeping, tearing,
honest
eyes.

there is no way to know.

and when the moment
  inevitably comes to you,
     as it does to us all,
          and you are utterly convinced
          that indeed you do, in f a c t,
KNOW...

i can assure you without hesitation,
    is the exact same moment
that you know the very least.

(why buy the cow
when you can get the milk
for free)

only works as a
metaphor

if you believe
yourself a commodity.

the sun matters.
i'm just saying.
it matters.

it matters that things
be alive
  and green
it just does.

eddie pepitone matters.
playing songs on repeat for hours on end matters.
rangpur matters.
  ice cream friggen matters.
i'm just saying. it does.

having a brother that gets it
matters.
laughing so hard i cry
     matters...it really does.
even the trumpeter on my balcony
thinks so.