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14.0k · Jul 2013
Parrot Dave
a m a n d a Jul 2013
(Ruining Steely Dan concerts since 2013)*

Parrot Dave
you can go

lumbering up
the ******* stairs
47 times -
for christ's sake
with your lovely wife
(let's call her linda)
enjoy the show.

you may think
i am being overly
but let me explain:
Parrot Dave
doesn't even have
              the decency
to wear a
proper Hawaiian*
the indecent ****!
******* parrots?
why, dave?

they repeat endlessly
too large
                   too bright
                 too primary
  they are clones
                         all facing the same direction
      and you can hear
    the sound
     of the parrot voices
    in an unholy union
"It's a Steely Dan concert, man!"
"Listen to the horns," says the horror of parrots.
Parrot Dave,
you're a real *******...
have some ******* class.
9.4k · Aug 2013
the squirrel queen
a m a n d a Aug 2013
(i want love in these woods)

while walking in
the quiet woods
        humidity causing
  blonde hair to stick
            to my neck
on wooden path
my footsteps move
and on highest railing
a squirrel beckons
      i smile */a real smile/

she stops
       as if listening for my footsteps
       then scampers forward
       a few more feet
       stops...tilts her head
       eyes gleaming
       listening for me again

i think she is the squirrel queen
bidding me to follow her
to my lover
waiting in the woods
i want love in these quiet woods
in the quiet night
under the moon
oh what a night
that would be
with you
the smell of the leaves
the sound of the crickets
eyes twinkling
soft blankets
this* night
   you should whisk me away
   to a place in the woods

but, alas
the squirrel queen
scampered into the woods
and i'm sitting
at a picnic table
in filtering sunlight
heart pounding
dreaming of
love in the woods
with you.
8.0k · Apr 2014
night routine
a m a n d a Apr 2014
it just so happens
    "sad song" playlist
   is complimented nicely
by a dry red wine,
coconut scented body butter,
soft sheets,
  and an ugly cry.
7.7k · May 2013
a m a n d a May 2013
i am plagued with a heavy sense
of the meaning of things
and it is too much
for me to bear.
5.5k · Nov 2017
not an emergency
a m a n d a Nov 2017
(but something to consider)

everything is fine.
it's just that*

there is a d a r k n e s s
closing in
on the edges,

and lights swirl
in the p e r i p h e r y.
4.9k · Jun 2014
crazy bike lady
a m a n d a Jun 2014
crazy lady on a bike,
so pretty?
so pretty?!
then why so lonely,
crazy bike lady?

tell me the things
i need to know to
reverse this spell
of reflection | rejection

pretty is as
pretty does
and pretty does *nothing.
a m a n d a May 2014
(a modern fairy tale)

ah, yes.
it's a good thing that
i am not in charge of writing
fairy tales for the children.

the best hell i can imagine
is forcing the prince
to see through my eyes.

feel my struggle
burn in the betrayal
dwell in the hatred

for the prince to understand
what he has done
would be fair.

and in this tale,
no frog turns into a prince
with a kiss.

in this tale,
the prince turns into a swine
with alarming skill.
4.5k · Sep 2018
lavender & eucalyptus
a m a n d a Sep 2018
(a diary for today)

a hungry man
on the corner
cinnamon graham crackers
mom, tattoos, and tears...
tears streaming
for death past
and death future.
for life future.
for life now.
a child laughing,
laughing so hard she sounds
utterly maddened.
stories and lights and wax and
wretched, wretched
4.3k · Oct 2013
a m a n d a Oct 2013
vandalize me!
Write on me
when no one sees.
Color me truth
and let me be.
Reveal to me,
a m a n d a May 2013
[ode to my vehicle]*

always mindful
not to love things or stuff

living so that it 
could all burn

and it would be nothing
but an inconvenience

always mindful
   to love the people
because for these
there are no replacements

three objects 
have escaped my plan

through my designs
and i fell in love with 3 things:

1. *old white macbook
my beautiful
whirring piece of brilliant technology

you are already gone.

2. *wedding rings


 i used to believe the
   joke of the symbolism
i fell prey to the beauty of
    well designed twisted metal
and stone.
no more.

3. asian machine love
    (a.k.a. mitsubishi outlander sport)  

i am having a hard time

having to let you go
my beautiful, black mitsubishi.

i chose you.

i researched for weeks
analyzing data

comparing machines

trying to be reasonable

and out of all the machines,

i. chose. you.

you are the perfect shape
of all vehicle shapes, mitsubishi

you fulfill my obsession with

c o l o r 


    and b  o  o  m  i  n  g SOUND

you are the perfect balance of safety
including 4WD

and fuel efficiency

your headlights are so bright
and your high beams

so magnificent
  it's almost embarrassing

mitsubishi, you little snake...
  you have a manual mode

so i can choose to be a race car driver
  whenever i want

mitsubishi outlander sport, i love you so


let's talk about your face
(you have a pig-face like me
your nose is abrupt
it's blunt and it's different

and i love it

you know i hate the cold and the snow
   so you heat my seats
you warn me about ice
  you wipe away the rain

  without me having to ask

you cast light into the dark

  all on your own




  rockford fosgate


you shake the earth

 blasting music 
through my dna

  so that i am made
of vibrations
and air

  invisible to the naked eye

or playing my science fiction audiobooks

  at a reasonable

and responsible volume

you respond to me
with such grace

showing me impossibilities

with a rearview camera

saying, "hello!" in the morning

and, "see ya!" when i leave

(and i believe you mean it)

the deer was not your fault.

or mine, or the deer's.
we were all doing what we do,

and to be quite honest,

  the deer got the **** end of the stick, mitsubishi.

the kids like
  to go in
"mandy's car"
    they like to
look through the moonroof
  and i know they are safe
you are my one machine love
with power

     and pistons

you are electric

and you boom

          well designed

i don't want to see you burn.

it would be more than an inconvenience.
but you will burn. he will burn you.
it won't be me, mitsubishi.

he will take you.
he will smile when he takes you.
he likes to take what i love.
he likes to hurt people
who have never hurt him -
not once in their lives.

he is coming for you,
and i will never forgive him.
3.8k · Jan 2018
i know, and it's enough.
a m a n d a Jan 2018
my beauty
has no ties to
the length
of my hair
or the
size of my waist.

and neither does yours.
3.3k · Jul 2014
a m a n d a Jul 2014
the bluest blue
swiping left
swiping left
looking for you
*looking for you.
3.3k · Jan 2014
it's a shame, really.
a m a n d a Jan 2014
crown jellyfish,
i want you for my own,
to constantly float and hover
on my ceiling.

it seems to be too much to ask
the transparent glory
the delicate tendrils
the secretive nature

why do you want to hide
in the seas?
predator and prey
instead of being
a distraction for me?

i want you to go against
your nature
remake your breath
forego your nourishment
and glow for me, instead

why is the world
so unyielding,
crown jellyfish?
so inflexible and unkind
sticking to its earthly rules?

for me you would be
a thing of beauty
not just a creature
trying to survive

but this cannot be so
instead i must mimic you
use you as inspiration
and create new
t h i n g s

it's a shame, really.
3.2k · Sep 2013
tuesday night
a m a n d a Sep 2013
i feel heavy
   and old.
i feel

young ones
make me
and smile
with their
their curiosity

but i quickly
grow grim
because i know
they will be
like me.

right aligned.
attuned to the desperate
march of the masses
full of hope
and then
withered to

try to be independent
get your education
and your loans
get married
get divorced
get a job
get laid off
lose your health insurance
try to hold your head high
try not to cry
don't run out of gas
learn to put air in your tires
get used to silence
get used to disappointment
learn to command your voice

don't look back
2.9k · Sep 2020
a m a n d a Sep 2020
i completely
it is a direct
of the time
and is responding
to a clear
2.8k · Jun 2014
a m a n d a Jun 2014
built of the finest stone
and breathing wood
my anchor
in rough waters
you do not let me fly
you do not let me drown
built of the softest down
and bluest eyes
my anchor
*my anchor
2.8k · Jan 2018
a m a n d a Jan 2018
but do you
       even know
that you don't
        to do
any of it?
2.6k · Aug 2013
eat glass
a m a n d a Aug 2013
there was
  a time in my life
when i didn't know

at some point
   someone put a
gin and tonic
  in my hand,
and i said with delight,
"this is so refreshing!"

i bought the
cheapest gin
i could find
until i heard
snoop rapping
about tanqueray
and i thought to myself,
"what the hell is tanqueray?"

come to find out,
it is a delicious
gin, in a classy green
bottle with a red stamp.

how lovely!
things were just getting better!
i love limes, and
in no time,
a lime version of tanqueray,
"rangpur" arrived,
and i discovered

life seriously couldn't get any better.
let's look at the mathematical equation, shall we?

gin=refreshing=limes=tanqueray=snoop=all around good times

marvelous. let's fast forward a decade.


i honestly wish
life was not this
way and i
could go back
to the way
gin used to be.

and here is the
point i'm
trying to get to -

i'm so blah ...
   so u n i n t e r e s t e d
so unfocused
     that the thought
of going into a store
  to get tonic was
too much for me to bear.

i'm drinking gin. with ice. and a little straw.
i have limes in my fridge,
and lime juice.
i looked at both of these items,
and could not summon
the strength
to move either
from the fridge to
the counter,
let alone my drink.

the next step on the road
to the river styx
is gin with no ice and a straw.
then just gin in a glass.
then just gin straight out of the ******* bottle.
then i would just eat the beautiful tanqueray glass bottle.
that seems to be the jist of things around
this place (by "this place" i mean earth) in general.
it's entropy. pick one of the definitions -
i'm pretty sure that poetically any of them apply.
personally, i think
heat death
sounds the best.
2.5k · Oct 2018
a girl, circa 1995
a m a n d a Oct 2018
if you care to know what
life was like
for a teenage girl,
in Buffalo, NY
i would have to tell you,
that indeed,
stonewash jeans were HOT
and even more so,
if they were rolled up,
folded, and p i n n e d.

it was the tail end
of punks,
with the rise of grunge,
pearl jam
s o u n d g a r d e n and
michael jackson
p r i n c e.
SNL, chicken wings,
the phantom of the opera

the world was sad
the middle east was sad
and the president was
a pervert.

what more is there to say?
other than the
driveway and porch parties
and of course,
pagers and
andy warhol.

there really wan't
much to it.
stars in the country and
crisp fall air and
winters that never ended.
brutal sun,
freezie pops and
dance routines.
i was a girl.
what more can i say?
2.3k · Mar 2014
some trombone for your ass
a m a n d a Mar 2014
friday night
   a veritable heat wave
and i'm getting
  a trombone smack down
girl is tearing it up
on saxophone
  and i hear the rhythm
i've never heard
such a sensitive trumpet
seen such a true believer on bass
bring it
you crazy kids
bring it
legends of jazz
*i will listen
2.3k · Jun 2014
wrapped in love
a m a n d a Jun 2014
all this talk of
future failure
a mind-blowing
and i tell you, sir
to gaze at
that light beside you
and the roots below
and tell me again
of your failures.
2.3k · Jun 2013
I Will Not Abide
a m a n d a Jun 2013
[Sidra of the Stars]

a goddess has awakened
eyes slowly open
light reflects off the irises
(recessive blue alleles on chromosome 15)

my name is Sidra
and I will not be diverted.


I stand under sol
I stand under the earth's satellite
I stand in the vale.


look upon my feet
the fine lines of support
and strength of design

golden light showers
my long legs
strong and graceful

gaze upon my curves...

look at my golden arms
that comfort babes
dig into the earth
and create abstractions

hands and fingers of elegance
given to me by my grandmother
nails to claw and hands to hold

look at my long neck
draped in silver metal and black glass
falling between my *******

hips compliment the
curve of my spine and
the upward tilt of my chin

my hair is a golden light
shining over hoops of silver
and diamond studs

crystal pierces my nose
lips soft and full
eyes lined in black, never faltering


this goddess is aware


I will not abide
because you lack the courage
to face me.

I will not abide
or syrupy black selfishness.

I will not abide
or ultimatums.

I will not abide
or weakness.


I am Sidra
the stars
the sky
the night


I move swiftly in the night
eyes bright
a creator
a lover
a muse

thoughts align
images swirl
pen to paper
my body moves
sensuous and confident
music booms
lips curve upwards


the day descends with
distractions pulling awareness
into waves of concentration
tiny fragments of
thoughts and ideas
begin to build
for later contemplation


I know the minds of men.
I will not be diverted.
My power has been revealed.
I will protect the unprotected

And I will stand

Made of stars

And unleash Hell.**


I will reign terror on your ego
and bring the sword down
on your garishness.

Naked and ******* on my warhorse
I will strike you down with silver spear
and you will pay for your misdeeds.

In all my thundering beauty
with nothing but logic and art
I will slam you to the wall
and declare you a fool.


I am Sidra of the Stars
I stand in the vale
I will not be diverted.
2.2k · Feb 2014
just trust me on this.
a m a n d a Feb 2014
the sun matters.
i'm just saying.
it matters.

it matters that things
be alive
  and green
it just does.

eddie pepitone matters.
playing songs on repeat for hours on end matters.
rangpur matters.
  ice cream friggen matters.
i'm just saying. it does.

having a brother that gets it
laughing so hard i cry really does.
even the trumpeter on my balcony
thinks so.
a m a n d a Oct 2013
i despise
the evening news
i avoid it at all costs

but accidental news

there is a punishment for twerking.
you will get kicked out of the dance.

i can't even
describe how hilarious
that sounds to me

and while i'm sitting here considering...

all that is going through my head is:

*i don't see nothing wrong
with a little bump and grind...
2.1k · Jan 2014
conditional statement
a m a n d a Jan 2014
if lucy
   is in the sky
with diamonds,

then i
  am underground
with rocks.
2.0k · Sep 2014
a m a n d a Sep 2014
the saddest thing
i've ever seen
is the stillness of windmills
2.0k · May 2013
a m a n d a May 2013
take the back roads.
*i'm ready for you.
1.9k · Jun 2014
the mountain
a m a n d a Jun 2014
impossibly beautiful
   hands gripping the wheel,
i feel like my heart is tearing
  a hole through time
with its implosive sadness
   impossible greens
a memory of that voice, low
   in my ear
and it's suddenly so hard
to breathe
why did you fly like that,
in the night?
you saved me.
without knowing or trying
you saved me
i could climb the mountain
i could stand against the mountain,
for you.
you cannot hope to grasp
what you love.
you can only let it
roll over you in waves
wash you in tears
bring you high,
close to the sun.
1.9k · May 2021
ya'll know the place
a m a n d a May 2021
(deepdeepdeep in the cut)

beautiful girls with long braids
quiet boys with tears in their eyes
yellow birds
and pink trees

flutes and drums and haunting strings
drifting smoke
sleepy cats
blanket on blanket on blanket
1.8k · Aug 2013
a m a n d a Aug 2013
i cannot tell you
    how many well meaning
eyes have looked deeply into mine
   as lips questioned,
"now what are you doing for you?"

i find that such a bizarre question.

i don't know
   staying alive?
avoiding death by
  getting maimed
  the elements...
isn't that what everyone is doing?

what people are looking for
is something more like...

girl, let me tell you
  pull your chair closer
(said in a conspiratorial way)
these disasters couldn't have
happened at a better time!

i've been taking my
  government cheese
paying all my bills,
  going out to dinner every night
you know i got a life coach
a yoga instructor
and a therapist?

i have a lover for
every day of the week
i get a massage every wednesday
and a pedicure every monday
because i deserve this me time

what the ****?
what am i doing for me?
what are you doing for you?
1.8k · Sep 2017
my best version has you.
a m a n d a Sep 2017
"i like the world best
when our paths
overlap,”she said,
with a tear.
1.7k · Feb 2014
blue bird of paradise
a m a n d a Feb 2014
there is an exquisite blue bird
    from another realm
deep in the trees
he is elusive
and beautiful beyond compare
he shimmers in the light
a deep blue
     hints of the finest most delicate feathers of
peach and yellow
he sings a song for his mate
   an unearthly humming
a soothing introduction
and she is his.
  he is gentle but his body moves
with skill
    vibrating a show of luminance
texture, and color
he is brilliant
                 how does a drab female
        win the attentions of one such
as this?
1.6k · Sep 2013
hollow guitar guts
a m a n d a Sep 2013
[my only swerving, by el ten eleven]

guitar slides
that break my heart
sitting inside
my hollow
guitar body
quick three
on air

beats slow
melody light
and quick

now slowing

the sad
and bass
that move

it's hard to
breathe my only
the cello sound
pulls me

the deep bass note
a vibration
to define
1.6k · Nov 2013
kick ass
a m a n d a Nov 2013
what do i need
to get back on my feet?


first of all
there are no feet
no one
and if they did
there would be
no getting back on them.

there is only
and it is a miserable way
to get around.

what do i need?

i need my hair
to grow back at an unreasonably fast rate.

i need the winter to retreat.

i need the sun in the sky.

i need someone to believe in me

what do i need?

a map.
a bulldozer.

...and a winning attitude.
a m a n d a May 2013
the breaking of bones.

a knife
   stabbed me in the back,
and i cried, "*******!"

a boot
   kicked me behind the knees,
then pushed my face
   into the dirt,

and i thrashed
   until i could thrash no more.

i became sullen.

so i climbed into a spaceship
and shot
through the earth's atmosphere.

w   e   i   g   h   t   l   e   s   s


i felt beautiful.

i could see the whole,
  and it made sense.
i felt the relativity
  of unfocused thoughts

the importance of calm
  of simple togetherness
      the pressure of time
        the shortening of days

and then i fell,
plunging to the earth
to break my bones.

movement made slow
  just when the sun shone
standing uncomfortable
  in fear, in pain.

but wanting no one
(please just leave me alone)

i'll live in my fictions

i'll grit my teeth through the pain
  and keep moving

i won't allow tears
  until at least one foot is out the door

i'll play songs on repeat,
  and subsist on cocoa krispies if i want to

i'll draw cells

and i'll write and i'll write

liberated and disillusioned
liberated and lonely
liberated and in pain
liberated and in fear
liberated and frustrated
liberated in chocolate
  liberated in red wine.
1.6k · Aug 2013
the queen elizabeth way
a m a n d a Aug 2013
[i would hold onto something if i were you]

just hurtled down
the QEW
120 km/h
for 2 hours
in pieces of metal slapped
together - real close to other
people doing the same
(i find it worrisome that no
one finds this strange)

cuz, you know
i needed some alone time
in my shiny metal tomb
eyes wide in the dark
(you know, trying to avoid
   obstacles and ****?)
music ******* B O O M I N G
  it's not right
until the bass
          sits in my throat
   and i get a shiver up my back
now we're ready to hurtle through space
       deaf to the outside world

in addition,
  i decided to commit 1% brain power
            to drinking coffee
  i don't know, say 3% to navigating
                 2% to wondering why my left eye was
                 ******* hurting
.5% to wondering if I really had roaming turned off
at one point,  *99%
  to figuring out why the *mirage looming ahead
       looked like a battleship - my mind racing -
how could this be - the shapes
the lights - i squint - look for water
                   turns out it was a ******* restaurant
with all kinds of lights outlining edges...but it
really ramped up my concern
in terms of reality there
(for a moment)

i've got some
serious mind-racing
word-related issues
as of late
so this little vision quest
on the QEW
i can't even begin to unravel
in a single paltry
word splash

if i try...
to simplify

i'm a little concerned
that the reason of
my being...the nature
of this crybaby,
(i'll get to that in a sec)
boils down to:

cooked carrots, high school band, art,
Nancy Drew, and
Star Trek the Next Generation


uh...about the mouse
believe me
i freak the **** out
if a mouse is running around
in a goddman house
jesus h - it has to go
it was decided the mouse
was to be caught
on a sticky mouse trappy trap
with a piece of cheese

i arrived home
to a very alive mouse
very very stuck
in a sickening way...
but problem solved...yes?

oh no, my friend...problem times two
i did not like to see the mouse in this state.
and i sure as hell wasn't gonna
throw it in the garbage like some kind of animal!
(the gross beady eyed little thing...
but the tail is the worst)

i laid down on the floor
and looked at it
and it wanted the ******* cheese.
so i fed it some.
yeah, that's right.
i fed the ******* mouse some ******* cheese

i mean christ, can't the poor
thing have a last meal?
i mean it just happened to
get into my house.

i laid on the kitchen floor a long time...
looking at that mouse,
feeding it cheese.
and then i was trying to think of how
to **** it fast (cuz you know, i **** **** all the time?)
and i couldn't think of anything...
until brilliance behold - i could drug the **** thing!

if i can take a whole ******* ambien,
then surely a mouse cannot
without consequences plenty
so if i crush one up,
with a mortar and pestle,
yeah, that's right...
a mortar and ******* pestle

all i have to do is sprinkle
some ambien on the cheese
and boom
night night
ambien cheese dream

all i'm gonna say is
that things did not go
as planned
ambien face
1.5k · Oct 2013
the conquest of happiness
a m a n d a Oct 2013
[tater tots, sour cream, & smoked gouda]

i'm deeply afraid
that i am
a kaleidoscope
of shards


there is too much
s p a c e
around me
deafening silence

i want to be
held down
i want to be
i want to be
i want to be
in the sun

i feel like
an exploding star
or a character
in a movie
that gets overcome
and flys apart
into brilliant
shafts of light

i'm sick
of trying
to stifle sobs
because i don't
want my neighbors
to think i'm
a ******

and i've been
thinking maybe
i'm not as old
as i think i am

and that is

it is worse
than being old

because time is
stretching into
a vast expanse
of nothingness

how do i trust myself
when everything
has fallen apart

when all my decisions
have led to this...


...but i've
been falling from


burning through
the atmosphere
like a
bat out of hell

and it is
the only thing that
seems right

i trust myself
in the realization
that plunging
to the earth
on fire
is maybe
the best thing
that has ever happened to me

i'm not trying to stop
in fact, i'm picking up speed
being pulled
by gravity

if i had to be catupulted
into space

to realize that
this *breathtaking
is better

then so be it.

and i will
put smoked gouda
on tater tots
in an effort
to class up
this joint.

and because it's delicious.
1.5k · Sep 2017
branded salvation
a m a n d a Sep 2017
i guess i
find it strange
the way
people i d e n t i f y
and q u a n t i f y
their existence
according to
a version of
a brand of
the divine,

greatly chosen b y
influenced b y
geography and
  family ties.

and i'm sorry, but,
it cannot be
that everyone is
simply describing
the same
phenomena with
different w o r d s
      like a version
           or an update
   or an accent,

because although life
is grey, some things are,
and some things
are not.

there is but one
dictionary. also
defines words,
even the
same words
but they are
distinct entities.

they live under
the umbrella of
    a bigger concept
about words
   and language,

they are versions of
explanations of
a more
e l u s i v e
construct -

the word.

and you cannot even grasp
exactly what
  the word is,
because it
depends on
so many factors.

yet most
grab onto and cling to
the first dictionary
thrown at them.

others might exist
and even be

but you know
you have your favorite,

you are a
brand loyalist.

and the product


which is fine,
i guess,
in and of

as long as
you can admit
that Kleenex is
the best and
Puffs is for

sure, you might smile at
the Puffs users and
even bring them
a meal,

but deep down inside
you know that
   you are right

**and they are wrong.
1.5k · Jan 2014
a m a n d a Jan 2014
it is said with a full heart,
        my m o m
i tried to make you something
but i cannot.
because you made me.
and the weight of that
e a
my art.
you carried me
  you see me
you hear me

you carry me still

in my darkest hour
you are there
in my fear
in my terror
you are there
and i know
      you know
i know
   you see
     and i know
        that nothing gets past your eyes
or your heart

i know
    the burden of love
beautiful and terrible
[lois and levance]
     forever just below the surface
your guiding lights

i know
    the stabs of terror and regret
reflected and seen
   in your beautiful brown eyes
for us
   for yourself

my mama
   i would weather the storms
for you if i could
   i would carry your weight
and breathe life for you

all these things you do for me
my guiding light
    my way home.
1.5k · Oct 2016
so, just to be clear...
a m a n d a Oct 2016
(edited, updated, bigger, longer, richer, and better than ever)
(hilz says hi)

when your opponent’s husband
(who, by the way,
is an entirely different
human being
than his wife, and is not
running for president
has an affair,
or is accused of
****** assault,
the claims are
100% true.
the women
must be believed.
he* is
a criminal.

your candidate will go
so far as to invite
some of those women to
the debate to
shame his opponent,
and show
how *supportive
he is
of these women.
(because they are
serving his purpose).

your opponent’s husband
is a liar,
a ******,
a pig.
absolute filth
that should be
thrown in prison.

in fact,
your opponent
is even worse than him,
she attacked
those women. she
didn't believe them.
this is proof of
her hatred
of women.
(oh, the irony is
not lost on me, no sir.)

let’s pretend that
your candidate didn’t call
that exact man, your
opponent's husband,
a “victim” in regard to
the exact same situation
in 1998.)

oh wait,
i forgot you don’t care about things that
happened any
longer ago
than yesterday. unless we
are talking about
the opponent. because then
it doesn’t matter
when in time
she said or
did something.)

(this is what we like
to call a double standard.)

moving right along.

if the same thing
happens to your
own candidate,
accusers come forward,
everyone else on earth
is lying EXCEPT
in fact,
every accuser (i lost
track of the number)
is an absolute liar,
too ugly for assault,
and getting paid
by a massive
worldwide conspiracy,
controlled by your
political opponent who
you also describe as never
having accomplished anything
in her life.
(strange how that works.)

when your candidate’s
wife does pretty
much the exact same
your opponent did,
(stand by her husband)
proclaim his innocence,
and discredit the claims,
(for which you
label her
a liar,
an enabler,
an enemy of women)
it doesn't matter
anymore, because it
was your wife
saying it.
think about that for a second.

i’m just checking, guys.
i’m just trying to figure this out.


you do not like
that your opponent
has money. or seeks power.
that makes
her a disgusting,
***** *****.
has nothing to do
with the fact that she is
a woman).

and i guess the thing
that we are all
(right? we are
pretending this?)
she has
more money
than he does.
(she doesn’t).

but because she has money,
she pays off literally everyone
on this blue planet.

she's probably even
paying me right now.

i'm probably a liberal
born in a lab,
bred for vengeance,
and the destruction
of these united states,
and this is
the culmination
of my life's work.
i jest.

but in fact,
your candidate has
MORE money
than her.

at least he says he does.
of course to you
this does not
matter and you
see no contradiction
in your thinking.

we don’t even
consider for
a moment
he pays
people off.
because, yeah,
billionaires don't
have any political
but how can we
even prove it?
he refuses
to submit his
tax returns to
the public, after saying
on record that he
would, but
don’t worry about that,
we don't care that he lies.
that’s not suspicious at all.
(for the love
of everything holy,
can you imagine the
fire and brimstone
if obama refused to
release his?!)
i mean it's so
ridiculous it makes me laugh.

alrighty then, moving along, once again.

when she
changes position
on a policy,
she is a liar.
a manipulator.
cannot be
a flip-flopper,
being swayed by
special interests.

when he does it,
he is “evolving.”
i can't even say that
with a straight face.
(and let’s not for one
second pretend
he hasn’t flip-flopped
on almost every single
issue (guns, immigration,
foreign issues, his opponent,
nukes, wars, abortion, etc.).
see link at bottom for ***** and giggles.

she lies. she’s a liar.
we hate liars.

you use that
as your shield.

he never lies. (a-hem)
video, contradicting
HIMSELF, and his
own campaign,
within minutes.
not even years. minutes.

i mean geez,
it’s not like you
can scour
the internet for
proof or anything.


he respects women.
hmmm...let us
look at the evidence, shall we?

calls women accusing him of  ****** assault
ugly, out for money, liars. all of them.
because i guess
attraction = rapeability?
(it does not)
(even though he admitted to doing whatever
he wants to do to women, without asking, in his
own words)
it's on record.

he talks about
young girls
in sexualized terms.
it's on record.

he agreed
that he doesn’t
respect women.
it's on record.

he agreed he was
a ****** predator.
it's on record.

he said it’s dangerous
for one’s wife to work.
it's on record.

he said he loses his
**** when
dinner isn’t on the table.
it's on record.

he said
he can do whatever
he wants to
women because he
is powerful
and rich.
it's on record.

women who
breastfeed are
it's on record.

he doesn’t like
flat chests
or fat girls
it's on record.

all women
are gold diggers.
it's on record.

he doesn’t like to
give a woman
negotiable assets.
it's on record.

it's on record.

he wants to
repeal roe v wade.
it's on record.

he bragged about
walking into
beauty pageant
dressing rooms
full of naked
teenage girls.
it's on record.

hmph. it’s so hard to
figure this out.

(if i could roll my eyes
any harder they would
pop right out
of my head).

these aren't even
straight from
the man's own
godforsaken mouth, unedited!
not opinions.


although his campaign
has received millions
of dollars in free
and his entire
life is based
upon being in
the media spotlight,

the entire media
is a left wing

(unless they report
something positive.
then it's not a conspiracy
anymore, then it's true)

side note.
i guess if he wins,
we can expect to see
just a SERIOUS
overhaul of the election
process, you know,
because it's so rigged.
and the whole thing
will be brilliantly
torn down and remade
within 4 years,
and be without
before it's time
for re-election.
because he wouldn't
want us all to go
ahead and try to vote
for him again in a
rigged election.
he cares about us.

and the media will just
be torn to shreds,
you know, but still free
and everything is
going to be so fair, you guys.
i mean things are going
to be so fair you
are going to get sick of it.
and really,
he's a super sweet guy
if he accepts the
presidency in an
election he
is rigged.
cuz that's what
any upstanding
citizen would do.


she is an insider.
(i.e., what some of us like
to refer to as a professional)

he has been
talking about
running for president
since the
HE would never
take money
for favors.
HE hasn't been planning this.
HE would never
seek power.
HE would never
politicize things
for his own best
only politicians
do that, and
he isn't one.
HE is for
the working man.


please, tiny, sweet baby jesus
with tiny jesus hands
help me.


it’s not hypocritical
at all for
him to constantly
talk about how awful it is
that jobs are
going overseas,
even though he
with his own companies.

jesus, guys.
obviously he's just SMART.
(really? is that the word
we want to use? is that the
word we use to describe other
business owners who do
the same thing? uh, no, it's not.
i'm pretty sure they are
compared to criminals,
and labeled unpatriotic.)

because if you
believe something passionately,
like you claim to,
like american goods should
be created and manufactured
in this country,
and you are a billionaire,
with vast resources,
that owns businesses,
employs people in this country,
and you love your country
and all it's people,
and you have a sense of
right and wrong,
you don't cheat.
you don't take advantage.
other businesses do it the right way
why can't you?
that's what IT ******* MEANS
to have principles.

he is an opportunist.
he takes.
see the difference?


when she
calls your supporters
a bad, bad thing
(a basket of deplorables?)
she is a
***** that
can never
be forgiven.

he would never,
EVER even
think about
calling anyone names.
never ever.
(i seriously don't have
the time in my life
to even attempt to list all
the examples.) although
the new york times
did a pretty decent job.

but you do recognize sarcasm, yes?


people shouldn’t get
so friggen offended
all the time!
he says.
politically correct
is stupid.
it’s better
to be honest, like him.
(except he's not honest)
he just says ALL
we are ALL thinking
but don't have
the ***** to say.
(um...really? you can
count me out of
that particular


he is not weak,
or a coward,
or a liar,
or corrupt,

he would never
get offended
by an snl skit
and cry like a baby
about it,
because that's absurd.

or claim
that literally everything
is unfair,
because that sounds
like a whining child.
(which his wife
compared him to).


when someone
accused him of rigging
a pageant,
he sued them.
because "proclaiming
fraud is serious."
the accuser is clearly
just a loser. a bad loser.
(that's what he said).
does not apply
when HE
claims elections
are rigged.

also, he doesn’t care
that the GOP Primary
was rigged,
(whoops, did you
forget that was
rigged too?)
because he won.
(yep, he said that too.)


i see patterns here.
(i learned about patterns
in kindergarten.)


he spends
campaign funds
on his personal
(we don't care)

for unpaid taxes,
****** assault,
people off.
(again, we don't care. actually,
all these things are
probably just
further proof of his
very level-headed,
thoughtful, and
superior intellect.)

failed businesses,
using charitable donations
to benefit himself,
(while viewed as bad
things for all other
human beings, are
actually strengths of his.
because up is down.
and quite frankly,

has sued literally
thousands of times.
(i thought people
who sued all the
time were jerks?)
not him.


when other people
settle lawsuits
that is an
admission of guilt.
(yep, he said that)
(so did his campaign manager)

when he does it
opposite is true.

and he's done it MANY times.


he mocked someone
with a disability.
it's on record.


he mocked someone
who is deaf.
it's on record.


he has made
disparaging remarks
about the military.
it's on record.

he incites and
again, on record.

i'm gonna go ahead and say,
not so much
into the brown people?
or the gay people.
or the woman people?
or the poor people.
or the fat people.
or the refugee people.
or the science people.
or military people.
or government people.
or journalist people
oh yeah, or education people.
or people that disagree with him.
or stupid people who pay their taxes.

but like, totally into
everyone else,
white, male people.
that agree with him.
that are into violence.
and are rich.
and cheat the system.

he maybe sorta kinda
(ok, just flat out said it)
hinted at using the
second amendment
to **** his opponent.
on record.
god, you guys, seriously,
learn to take a joke.
because murdering your
political opponent is super funny.
i mean, it's fun, right?
it's especially funny in those
other countries. and for the murdered people.
it's not like kids are listening.
or like there are any crazy card carrying
white *** people
that think that might be a good idea.
gosh, get a grip.

said he could
shoot someone
in broad daylight and
wouldn't lose votes.
for realz? yes, for realz!

having one standard
for yourself
and the opposite standard
for everyone else
is dare i say,
the very definition of
i n e q u a l i t y.

if you think
you are
then just say so.
own that ****.

if you desire violence,
proclaim it.

if you desire inequality,
then shout it
from the rooftops.

if you think one
group should get richer
while others get poorer,
say it. support it.

if you think
women have no
value other
than the size
of their *******
and their *****,
by all means,
let us know!

because that's what he would do.
that's what he does.

don't hide behind
this excuse
of a man.

don't paint
yourself a

outright lies
without doing
any research,

and don't think you
speak for
all of us.

because you don't.

pretending something is real
does not make it real.

i’m getting
tired of this.

is gross.
oh, i'll just keep updating this ****, you can count on that.
just for funzies:
1.5k · Oct 2013
night terror
a m a n d a Oct 2013
daft punk
seems to be
dragging me
towards wakefulness
while also
telling me to party.

i come to wakefulness
with heavy
nightmares lingering

the only solution
i can think of
is eating
chip haagen-dazs
in bed.
1.5k · Apr 2021
rotate the moon
a m a n d a Apr 2021
call it what you will
i know i can create life
with just this thought
1.5k · Jun 2013
my kids (sometimes)
a m a n d a Jun 2013
  you are a noose around my neck

   you are like a single
terrifying  entity
  an octopus emerging from the deep
    seeking me out
   tentacles constantly moving
you are beautiful
   but so hungry
your arms cover me
   ******* at my life force
d r a i n i n g me.
i want to help you
but i am so small
compared to your greatness
...i am surrounded.

   individuals separate
and between gaping breathes
   dangling from the noose
or glimpses between
   the great mass of tentacles
i see one alone
on the edge of the abyss
   or a rare
bright eyed spirit
i reach
  grasp around the wrists
and we hold tight to each other

   you grow to my height
you look into my eyes
   and teach me
you see my struggles
   my fear
and you teach and learn as i do
   and I revel in you

i worry.
at your indifference.
at your disrespect.
at your unwillingness to help.
at your lack of empathy.
at your unwillingness to learn.

i see in you
   every burst of sunlight
    every hope of humanity
      every drop of my love

i see a being of light
deserving of respect
    of love
        of safety and protection
           a mind of intelligence
              churning with ideas
                 bursting with creative energy

i give you my everything.
a m a n d a May 2013
my misery
  doesn't particularly like company
but sometimes it likes tequila

tequila makes me sleepy
  at least then i can take a break
from thinking

what i want
  no one will give me

i need someone else to acknowledge
the reality and horror of this construction

i found a cure
  for unrelenting
and unreturned
and friendship

it is misery and hopelessness.

i used to be self-righteous and holy
until i knew better
i listened and heard silence
i'm on my own

where i was hesitant
   i want to be bold
   i want to be free

but i'm hot
  my ankle is chained
    i'm rejected
      i'm miserable

and i just want to lay on the floor
for a year or two
with a thimbleful of tequila
and straighten things out.
1.4k · Sep 2013
copper bliss
a m a n d a Sep 2013
my strange abyss
   my muscle asylum

i breathe you in
   like the moon
       breathes in the tides

do not send me to my doom

take my pitiful offering
   and look upon me
     with favor

let me reside
   in your heart

i want nothing
   more than
      to bend my ear
         to your voice

   the days
      are growing

i am covered
       see my

and lead me
into the woods
1.4k · Feb 2019
King Crab Claw
a m a n d a Feb 2019
When you abruptly feel the absence
You know it’s bad
But that’s no way to go about
Living a life?!
And if gold circles
Are the weight of wealth
Well then you, sir, are barking up
The wrong tree.
1.4k · Oct 2018
hey, dummy!
a m a n d a Oct 2018
(or why start smoking
in your late thirties)

a confession.

the w h i t e paper
thin, c r i s p
against tips
of fingers
with the t h i n n e s t lines of gold
the burnt umber
to the brown
to the beige
to the white
to the black
i n h a l e
suddenly i'm alive
i know because i can feel
then the
e x h a l e
each cycle a moment
suspended in time
the wisps of smoke
and finally
the smell
a n c h o r.

not what you expected?
1.4k · Feb 2021
a m a n d a Feb 2021
once you’ve lived
with a cat or two
any item in the periphery -
a towel, a purse, a sock
becomes a still creature,
silently watching
1.4k · Oct 2016
ready to take the knee.
a m a n d a Oct 2016
oh ****.
i just had
another thought.

when kaepernick
to express
distress at his
(and for christ's sake
if you believe
there is no injustice
then i don't know
what to say to you)
in a quiet,
a demand
for unity,

he is booed.
made fun of.
a traitor.

everyone loses
their godforsaken
because a black
with money

for ****'s sake, people
wake the
**** up.

you know
what's disrespectful?

inciting violence.

you know
what's unpatriotic?
entire groups
of human

if equality is
special treatment
then i guess so.

i'm bout ready
to take the
******* knee

seeing the

the absolute
people in
my country
are taking
in marginalizing,

it's disgusting.

without a doubt
i will take
the *******
1.3k · Oct 2013
too many legs
a m a n d a Oct 2013
lend me your ears
and i will tell you a story

there are truly monstrous
little creatures
running about

one night
one of these monsters
revealed itself
to the terror
of its human onlooker

let me explain terror
in this instance
it is a feeling that may or may not
cause one
to literally tear one's clothes off
put on uninfested clothes
and flee the premises

and i mean flee

now i'm not saying
i know someone who would do this
but i heard this story
of a woman
that, in a state of such terror
in a state of such
severe heebie jeebies
tore around town
and screamed "too many legs!"
out her rolled down windows

when this medicine did not
cure said
heebie jeebies
there was truly a sight and sound
to behold

now i'm not gonna lie
it was me, ok?
don't judge
because of this next part
i am very proud

i just sang
my ever loving
heart out
to a 10 mile radius
and i mean i
sang that ****

anyone who hadn't heard
"gorilla" by bruno mars

has now heard it.

and the energy i released
was profound
because i hit that note

I bet you never ever felt so good, so good
I got your body trembling like it should, it should
You'll never be the same baby once I'm done with you

You [3x]

the "you" is the crucial part
and i'm telling you
i just sang the **** out of that song
until i got dizzy
and my fists hurt from pounding the
steering wheel

it gave me enough courage
to re-enter the premises
pop a bottle
grab my laptop
(while doing a little dance of terror)
and jump on the couch

the only problem
is that if you
sing the **** out of "gorilla"
literally 25x
too many legs
becomes the least of your

you realize
quite absurdly
how at the present moment
you are not
making love like gorillas
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