Alec Boardman: Favorites

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

star thief

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

emma l

I WANT YOU TO KNOW ME /
i want you to know /
my favorite novel
i want you to know /
why my eyes light up
when i look at the ocean
i want you to know /
that when i wrap my hands around your neck
it means i want your lips on mine

I DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ME /
to remain liked
i must be unknowable /
to keep you next to me
i need to hide

I DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW /
about the way that i shut down;
i break /
i shatter /
the breeze blows by /
and i put myself together again /
whiplash

I DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW /
that my feelings hit like a hurricane /
and last half as long /
i drop,
drop,
drop /
through the floor /
through the ceiling /
where is my head?

I WANT YOU TO KNOW ME /
i want you to know that
i believe you hung the stars

I DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ME /
i don't want you to know that
when i'm feeling that i don't fit /
i steal those stars /
and swallow them

#love #fear #sad #hiding #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

Borderline Personality Disorder

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

Shay

Borderline Personality Disorder

I am BPD.
I am the demon that possesses your mind,
I am the ghost of all you want to leave behind.
I am the monster that will make you unstable,
The voice in your head making you suicidal.
I am your heart making your emotions intense,
I am your mind, muddled and making no sense.
I am your brain making you neurotic,
With the perfect balance of a handful of psychotic.
I am your self-esteem making you feel worthless,
I will make sure you feel that you have no purpose.
I am your impulsiveness making you act reckless;
Your need to harm yourself is becoming endless.
I am your soul feeling neglected,
You feel it very deeply because you need to be protected.
I am your extreme paranoia,
Making you live in a shell, I’m a merciless destroyer.
I am your fear of rejection, you will outburst at the slightest disaffection.
So, I am BPD and I will ruin your life,
I will cover you in scars made by the blade of a knife.

#depression #illness #sadness #depressed #mental #bpd #mentalhealth #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

A Slow Sort of Cancer

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

pixels

A Slow Sort of Cancer

i'll tattoo these emotions across my wrists
because they're choking me all the way through my skin
wrapping around my veins
tainting my soul like a sick liquor

and no one will understand this suffocation
this slow sort of cancer spreading along my neurons

the numb stage is over
my smile now appears
but it's warped and it's deranged
just like the scars i create

i've been crying for hours
and there's no end in sight

and my nerves are exposed
innocent words
cut to the bone

i climb higher and higher

i topple over the edge

Mental disorders combining with personality disorders is a passionate, painful thing.

#depression #depressed #anxiety #bpd #anxious #borderline #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

sirens

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

emma l

sirens

YOU, LIKE THE OCEAN /
are going to swallow me whole

LIKE THE TIDE /
you will be drawn to the sad moonbeams in my chest /
you will rise /
higher and higher /
until my heart is in your hold /
until you've got it captive /
and then /
you will shrink away

YOU WILL RETREAT /
to the depths of the sea /
you will spit out my heart /
like a sunken ship /
or a beached whale /
leave it shriveled up on the shore /
and roll back with the waves into a place where i can't follow

YOU WILL BE BETTER WITHOUT ME /
you have always been better without me

#heartbreak #sad #abandonment #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

pandora's box

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

emma l

pandora's box

there's a hole inside of me /
and it's shaped like you /
it curves around your frame /
it was made for your body only

the lock in my ribcage knew --
a long time before i did --
that you were the only key /
i'm scared that once you've unlocked it /
you'll see why the handle has been dusty for so long /
and you'll shut me right back up /
board up the doors /
and leave me writhing

#love #fear #abandonment #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #fp #favoriteperson

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

The Wonder of Being Borderline

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

Rose Allen

The Wonder of Being Borderline

Black pain,
Corrupting me,
Killing me,
Sends,
Me falling down.
The Well
Leading to the greatest of dispare.

STOP

The switch has been flipped.
Sky rocketing, floating high
Happy as can be
Strong
Confident
Successful
Achieving
Loving life

STOP

Then it all comes crashing down.
Jumping from the black to the white
The dark to the light
Wishing I could steady out
Not knowing how long
Either will ever last

#depression #anxiety #personal #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

bones

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

emma l

bones

I AM ONLY TOUCHED BY YOU /
MY RIBS HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG /
FOR SOMEONE TO PRY THEIR WAY INSIDE

MY SPINE GROWS STRONGER BY THE DAY /
I THOUGHT I FELT IT CRACKING

THESE HANDS WERE MADE TO HOLD YOURS /
THE SMALL BONES INSIDE
FUSE

MY KNEECAPS SHAKE LIKE AN ADDICT /
YOU'RE THE EARTHQUAKE IN MY LEGS

YOU TAKE THE ARMS /
I'LL TAKE THE LEGS /
THROW THIS BODY OVERBOARD /
I DIDN'T WANT IT ANYWAY

#love #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #fp #favoriteperson

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

Deadly

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

Shay

Deadly

The world lays within
a tranquil subdued sleep
all the while I'm marking my skin
with the silver tip digging in deep.
And although I drown in tears as I cry
and wish to go beyond the veil,
the world just keeps on going by;
and instead, I put an end to my tale.

#depression #illness #sadness #depressed #selfharm #bpd #mentalhealth #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

Wreck

Mar 2017 Alec Boardman

Shay

Wreck

Explosions of blue and purple cover my skin;
like fireworks where raining punches have been,
and my scarlet gashes are dolorously healed;
harsh memories of my war on the battlefield.

#suicide #harm #depression #sadness #depressed #anxiety #selfharm #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #tflers