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 Jun 2016 AJ
Twenty Years
 Jun 2016 AJ
When I was ten,
It didn't matter that my legs weren't hairless;
I was just a girl -
It was shameless.

That was the year it all ended,
And suddenly,
I was supposed to be a woman.
Suddenly my legs
And all the spaces in between
Weren't mine, but his.

When I turned fifteen,
I thought he wanted my new hairless legs;
I thought being a woman
Would make him love me
And the woman I was going to be.
But I was a girl.
I was shameless.

And it was easy to pretend I wanted it,
Easy to pretend that I wanted what hurt.
It was easy,
It was shameless,
Until I was crying on the bathroom floor,
Missing a period.

And that was just the thing -
That my own blood was a sin.
I couldn't bleed,
Because being a woman was wrong.
And I thought that's what he wanted,
I thought that's what he wanted all along.

He wanted me to be a woman
When it was his hands on my thighs,
His hands on my waist,
His hands covering my eyes.

He wanted me to be a woman until I was:
Until I had hair on my legs
And all the spaces in between.
And suddenly I was supposed to be ten,
I was supposed to be a girl,
I was supposed to be shameless.

I wasn't a woman;
I was small.
I was young.
And it hurt.

As I near twenty years,
I think of being ten,
I think of being fifteen,
And I feel no different.
I'm still small,
I still curl up on my bedroom floor.
I still have pink walls
And red painted toes
Because I'm a girl,
And that's the worst of it all.
 Jun 2016 AJ
Michael Blonski
My eyes are silent
Gazing over the grassy hill
Mind is blind
To the shifting grass
Pushed by the wind
I try to speak
But my mouth doesn't open

Trapped in static
As I feel this weight
Of doubt crush
My shoulders

I try to remain clairvoyant  
But this thunder rolling in
Blocks the guiding light
My path forgotten in the dark

The Virgil of my path
Is missing and I'm Dante
Heading into the inferno

I surrender to the road
Of the many in order
To find home
On my journey I will travel
Another piece of fabric
Of life
Will I have sewn
 Oct 2015 AJ
what a waste
Punching mirrors
to breach the barrier
between you and me

Show me that
black hole heart, friend
let it consume us

Chew through
the lines you've drawn
with my hand

This predates catastrophe
our faceless meditation
taste like apple seeds

I'm losing touch,
but I like the rush
we should ****
 Oct 2015 AJ
what a waste
Gridlocked teeth keep gritting
Blistered cheeks keep splitting
A ******* freak who keeps spinning
I think they think I'm thinking
My dreams are drowning
I think they think I'm quitting
Ice Giants wage war
My hands are losing
Mythical beings try science
My nerves are bruising
If my life was a string
Their theory would be confusing
 Oct 2015 AJ
what a waste
I'm on the outskirts of hope looking in;
my hand strangling the head of a lantern.
Liquid wax bubbles into descent.
Midnight rain in 1782 Blackburn.
The breath of a behemoth breaks wind.
It reaches past distance and into my skin.
 Oct 2015 AJ
An old man in blue suspenders
gazed down at his wife
who had just slipped away
in this hospital

Her last breath was taken
at 2152, documented by doc’s writing
what started with chest pain
ended in this dimly lit room

The old man looked up at me
gravity pulled a tear to his shoe
I blinked, the room began to spin

The old man
in blue suspenders
then calmly said,

"As I look down at her wrinkled face
and thin lips,
I can vividly remember the day
our friendship began

Her eyes were full of life
her red lips plump,
her smile made my heart
brew emotions that wouldn’t pass

We talked about these things
that made life seem so right

She was my best friend.

Now here lies her peaceful face
washed away and pale
death has finally taken her
as it will me

But those moments,
those moments of life
the bliss and her youth
live on immortally

she’s still there in my mind
that young girl,
with fire in her eyes."
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