I've always found comfort
in your darkness.
The cold, heavy shroud
you invisibly drape around me
in times of weakness
and despair.

It feeds on the emptiness
that surrounds my heart and soul
with more and more emptiness.

Nobody can understand
the comfort I get
from this seemingly
unending sorrow.

But alas -
it is only temporary comfort.
Once I let go
of these dark shrouds,
I will finally see
the promise of a
better tomorrow;
but most importantly -
a better me.

As i lay here
On my bed
Looking out the window
I see this bright star
So alone
But so bright
I just finished talking to you
And i swear
My chest couldn’t stop pounding
I can feel it
Punching my chest
Beat, beat, beat
I’m sure of one thing though
It’s screaming your name
Each time it beats
I feel it
Beat, beat, beat
While i stare at this
Lonely, yet bright star
Far, far away
Its twinkling fades
In and out
At the same time
This heart beats

i know
and i feel
in the deepest depths
of my heart
and my soul -
your name and everything about you
has always been written there
and will remain there
till this heart can no longer beat
and this soul enters eternity
with you
and we are finally
one
and at peace

I was waiting
I know you'd arrive at any moment
I could feel the light cold breeze
blowing through my hair
Suddenly I see you
at the corner of my eye
You call out my name
I was surprised you did
Because we both know things aren't going too well
between you and me
But you did still call out my name
I turned to the direction of your sweet, sweet voice
I see you running towards me
3 feet, 2 feet, 1 feet, a heartbeat apart,
You stop.
I look down on the floor
You hugged me
I didn't hug you back
and it was the worst decision i ever made in my life
You smelled of alcohol
I knew you were drunk
But I didn't mind
It was still you
The you that I both hate and love
I feel your warmth
I close my eyes
Teardrops run down my face,
and then you said -
I miss you
I never knew on that very moment
It'll be the last time you'll ever be mine

Those eyes
so deep and so mesmerizing
I could just swim inside
and drown in them.

Lying here with you
face to face
without having a single word said -
silence.

Then you break the staring game
by opening your mouth and saying -
"why does it feel like you are mine?"

You probably didn't see it
because of the darkness in the room
but I stifled a tiny smile
'cause that eight-worded question
brought butterflies to my stomach.

Yes, sounds cheesy
and cliché,
but at that moment that was what happened.

I couldn't say anything
but I knew you were waiting for a response
with those deep, glowing eyes
staring right into my soul.

It felt like an eternity,
but I finally said -
"maybe in an alternate universe, you'd be mine as well?"

I see you in the crowd.
Loud music playing in the background and shoulder to shoulder with random people around us.
I see you across the room.
Our eyes meet.
The song continues to play and the crowd continue to sing.
But we continue our game - our staring game.

Not one of us loses
Nor wins.

The game that felt like an eternity.

When will I see you again?

I wish to see your face again.
Oh, I can only imagine how wrinkles will grow on your face.
Maybe not now, though.
Maybe in a time when your hair is white and lines formed on your beautiful face.
Oh, how I’ll wait for that day.
To see you again.

Pull me back
to your solitude.
To your never ending waves.

Pull me back-
I’ll stay. I’ll swim through you.

time has passed
it's been a year and four months
of me trying to unlove you.

yesterday you messaged me
just out of the blue.
you can't even imagine
how my heart raced and beated like a trumpet.

seeing your name lighting up my phone
i didn't know what to feel -
should i feel excitement -
should i feel dumbfounded -
or confusion,
or love?

but what i felt after talking to you
was a lot better than what i thought i should've felt

i felt peace
and i felt one with myself after quite a long time.
because at that moment
i know deep in my heart -
i have finally moved on

I saw a picture of you
with Her
Oh how my heart pounded
like the first time I saw you
But this time it pounded
with guilt
with hatred
with doubt
with confusion
with emptiness
But then I focused my attention on your face
your ever, so bright face
The face I looked forward to seeing everyday
your focused eyes
The eyes I stared at for so long - to the point of me seeing my own reflection
your curved lips
The lips I once met with mine to the point of not parting at all
but there - I realized
That I need not feel those emotions my heart pounded
but rather, I should be happy for you
For you have finally found -

i was playing my uke with my friends
when you entered the picture
i was
so speechless
so wander struck
by
your presence
something about you
is just
so -
--

i've done everything
to forget you
to hate you
to unlove you

i did it all just to erase you
from my mind
from my heart
from my soul

only then did i realize
that it was unnecessary to do that
because you were a part of me
and that meant
that i was erasing 'me' too

Funny how things go by so fast -
how they tumble so suddenly
like Jenga blocks.
Falling ever so finely -
piece by piece,
one by one.

Let me try to draw you
One last time.
At least this paper and pen will get to have a glimpse of you
One last time.