dreaming

in quiet moments
i find myself wishing.
for a future,
i feel i will never own.

a garden
green things growing.
the scent of dirt,
heavy in the air.
and bright spots of color
resting everywhere.

a kitchen
carefully labeled jars.
spices we’ve tested.
the favorites dwindle,
showing our collective tastes.

a wall
covered with paintings.
blues, yellows.
bright and dark.
all showing pieces,
of parts that make us whole.

a morning
slow, unhurried.
a feeling of contentment.
brought with the sun,
and a love shared.

in the quiet moments
before the dream,
wisps away.
i find myself wishing.

there are night where i cling to nothing
hoping it will bring comfort
to the absence in my chest

there are days where i smile robotically
hoping no one will notice
i’m convincing myself to be happy

there are nights that i lie awake
hoping the dim light of my phone
will exhaust me enough to sleep

there are days that i wander aimlessly
hoping i find a purpose
in the passing activities of time

good food
laughter
the witty banter between close friends who know you well

music playing
smiles
drinks passed around as conversation flows

fire flickering
smoke
chocolate and marshmallow leaving smears on hands and mouths

cool air
embers
long talks about everything and nothing that go well into the night

i can ask for nothing more
and if i were to have only this for the rest of my life
i would be satisfied

It’s a creeping sensation
in the back of my mind,
clinging, whispering.
A soft unending doubt that I can never fully drown out.

It rises and falls in strength,
moving like waves on the water,
ever constant.
Gently rocking, some days
Roaring, for hours
In minutes, overpowering.

The sun and the moon
smile kindly at me in turn,
easing the burden as they come and go.
Neither can stay for long, however.

The relentless, endless waves
that pull at my feet return,
dragging whispers in with the tide
on an island surrounded by ocean.

the sun
bees, flowers
love, happiness
shining, brilliant, dazzling spotlight


bright, startling, overpowering
it does not grace me
it burns, a mockery of emotion

empty
stone
ice
a mirror with the center smashed out
broken glass lying around, dim and glittering

veil
shadow
lights out
this curtain call means the play has just begun

misdirection
smile
laughter
keep the bright lights spinning, eyes focused away, look away

iron
steel
strength
appearances are really all that matter, apply another layer of paint to that wall

stop
falter
doesn’t matter
in the end, people only see what they want to