I'd let you tear my heart out
step on it and toss it away
and light the remains on fire
if it means you'd be there to ignite me with a kiss
and use your touch to cut my heart out in the first place

Your eyes are as deep as an ocean
Pulling me in and leaving me drowning in your gaze

Your smile makes my cold, dead heart beat
Bringing back color to my sallow cheeks

A nervous laugh making me feel a thing I haven't felt in ages

A god in disguise, giving life to things that were once dead

Or maybe a necromancer

Because with every breath I take, you leave me in constant pain

Romance as a person from a broken home is constantly pondering whether it's love
Or loving the feeling of finally being wanted

Leaving you in loveless
and poisonous relationships
in the sake of filling the void your parents created

(TW Eating Disorders)
I wrap a corset tight around my waist till I cannot breathe
Ribbons in the air catch my eye
They cinch tighter and tighter
But not tight enough
My mirror reflects a pig with fabric barely fitting around
“More” I demand
And so they wrap
And wrap
reaching not only my stomach but to my arms and legs
My head light and eyes sunken in
The colorful streams leaving marks and pushing down
I look in the mirror and cry
“Will it ever be enough?”
My bones pop and my mind gets fuzzy
Concerned looks from family and a few talks as well
They say they’re concerned for my health
They ask me if I'm eating
(Sometimes I do, or it ends up coming up and out of my throat)
Colorful ribbons dance around my head
Leaving white spots twirling in front of my eyes like delicate ballerinas with each pirouette a throb in my head
The world spins and my head vibrates
My stomach growls
I ache and crack
but I'm skinny
and that's all that matters

Thoughts of summer occupy my mind while I watch the bleak gray sky and flurries of snow

False memories fill my brain of better times that didn’t exist


A warm sun and fields of flowers shadow days of silence and lonesomeness


Bluewater from crystal pools gently lap and wash away bad memories of fleeting friendships,

and the desperation of trying to keep a few of them to stay.

I always think I’ll be better in the summer


I suppose I’ll never be fully content no matter the season.

But in the meantime, I’ll keep myself busy with dreams of unrealistic nights inspired by movies

And worry that I’m wasting the few good years I have sitting at home alone;

Writing these poems.

My love is poisonous
Wilting every relationship or lover I touch
At first, I viewed this as a curse
Lamenting in darkness and pain
With nothing but a black, oozing, tar heart
I tried to fix it in vain
But after a while,
When there's nothing left to drip from the cavity in my chest
I may as well do what I'm good at.
They call me a *****
But I couldn't care less.
I'll bite into your heart
Watch the blood trickle from my lips
Cherry against my porcelain skin
I'll dance into your dreams
Until all your thoughts only consist of me
Long black hair framing my malicious face and sinful smile
A simple touch leaving you addicted
My presence alone igniting your soul
Kisses burning holes in your skin
I haunt you at night
but hide in the darkest corner of your mind,
when sunlight pours through your curtains.
I'll tear you apart inside out
Until only leaving a husk
Stringing along your heart on a chain
You can't love anything if you don't have anything to love with

To many adults, I’m nothing but the definition of wasted potential, rebellion, and stupidity. I don’t fit their timeline nor their expectations
My sluggishness and lack of energy keeping me at bay, ruining my chances while I put on a show for my peers.
Although who doesn’t love a good show
I put myself on a constant stage and create character after character until I get to the point where I’ve lost myself in the art.
I don't know who I am.
But I suppose that’s the age-old question,
Man pondering where he belongs.
I like to pretend I’m smart for coming to that conclusion and writing these poems when in reality I’m a walking cliche repeating overused phrases
I fit the stereotype to make myself feel valid,
yet act like I’m better than God himself.
I hate the world, I smear black on my eyes, I wear dark clothes and scream at nothing and everything.
I get hurt and blame it on everyone but myself,
yes, the sidewalk was the one who scraped my knee, but I’m the one who’s rubbing salt into it before it can heal.
I sleep in late and stay up until the sun rises above the Tetons, scolding me with bright rays through my window stinging my eyes.
I curse out at the world, I complain about everything while not doing much to fix it
I beat myself up and am merciless to the body that my soul resides in.
I cry and get upset over everything yet am empty, and completely and utterly numb.
I'm just your average, angsty teenage girl

Take me into your arms, I melt with bliss
Your touch burns my skin and my cheeks pink from the heat
My heart now cherry wine
My insides warm and liquid
Your kisses leave me drunk staggering for more
I’m addicted to your love that leaves me in deep withdrawals
Intoxicated from your hands, my heart flutters, nearly stopping
Your words fill my head with sweet nothings till I’m drowning in Vin Santo
Make me feel lighter and lighter till I can’t stand
My entire body a pulse
Your hands dripping down my sides and pooling at my hips
You've made me an alcoholic

To be honest we never really had a chance

I blame our teachers for showing us videos of people jumping out of the Twin Towers before we could properly write

We were in constant fear of school shooters before we even had a grasp of the mere idea of death

The rosy outlook on life we once had was now replaced with paranoia and panic

As we grew older our self-esteem regressed with unrealistic expectations
set by twenty-year-olds playing teens

And models photoshopping their faces and waists

We looked in mirrors dissecting our insecurities like some science project

We carved and starved until our faces sunk and ribs popped

We went from getting our accomplishments placed on the fridge

To putting our last words and goodbyes on the bathroom doors while

our was skin decorated with cuts, deep like rivers seeping red water

The bottle of Tylenol slowly destroying us from inside out while we wait for release

We’re bashed for being a lazy and tech-addicted generation when in reality we’re just
so
so
so tired

Tired of being here, tired of being set up for a life with no point

Dead end office job after dead end office job
Broken marriages mirroring our parents’

And yet another broken generation of kids doomed from the start

My bones are brittle and hollow

Delicate like stained glass in an empty church

The wind blows through me yet my soul feels heavy

I wander through my halls, a ghost with no purpose

My cries an echo in the wind but cradled by my insecurities
and coddled by my fears

An imposter smile forever etched onto my skin like a porcelain doll with a painted grin

But for now, I’ll find comfort in the dark, cocooning myself in
dangerous,
yet sweet thoughts of release

I now lie in my bed, my head in a melancholy state

A corpse of a girl

Gone

Wolves sniff out their prey, and I here I lay.
Weak and vulnerable
Cuts from the past leaving the scent,
Leading them this way.
A bullseye on my back marking me as an easy target,
Practically begging to be hit.
And I fall for the same traps time after time,
Even though every day I pray to be given something other than a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Maybe deep down I enjoy the pain,
Punishing myself for something I didn’t do.
Or finding assurance in being put in place.
Every new attack leaves me more and more unstable on my feet
Until one day I can no longer stand,
I’m nothing more than a meal, prey, and weak.
A lamb on It’s own.

You begin to like the water over your head
The pressure holding you down
Pushing you further and further down to the ground
The water flooding your head, your lungs, weighing down your body so you can't move,
But you like it
You like knowing that it's easier to feel nothing than anything at all
Thoughts of just staying and drowning in it all.
There's a certain kind of comfort that comes with it,
The sweet relief of giving in
To stop fighting the pull of the tide
The cold water numbing your every sense
Knowing the ocean will take you when no one else will
The waves lulling you into a state of almost calm
drifting you away from caring about it all
The salt leaving you bitter but bitter keeps you from being let down again
Time
After time
After time
Drowning sounds nice

All those nights wasted, pouring the contents of my heart onto my pillow
Only to do it again time after time.
Throwing myself in deeper and deeper to fill something that isn’t there,
until one day I can’t pull myself back out, gone is the rope to guide me
I try to fix it, only to tear myself down in exchange for validation
My entire being now clay, I am only as good as you want me to be
Take me into your hands and mold me into your image
Let me lose myself in you, maybe then you’ll love me
Maybe then you’ll see me an equal
The things I do to be wanted
Break me down, step on me, and then sweep the remains under the rug
I won’t object nor complain
Your attention is worth more than I’ll ever be
Tell me those three overused words and I’m utterly yours
Try to replace a love that I’ll never know
Try to patch me up with caulk and cement till I’m too heavy to stand
Build me up then tear me down, you know I like it that way
Mold me into your fragile sculpture ready to collapse without your support
Smooth my edges from previous projects and add more to how you see fit
Then once you’re bored, toss me away
Leaving me scrambling to find a shape
Replace me with another project you think is worth your time